JANUARY 2012:
Halloo, Faithful Readers,
When my web host switched servers in December 2011, I unfortunately lost over 50% of your Comments in the Rant Back at Poffy sections below each review. Chocolate apologies to all who cared enough to spend the time to hail my sweet reviews -- or to enburden me with their pedestrian insecurities. All is well now in computerland, so be welcome to once again rant in creamy goodness.
--Poffy The Cucumber
How annoyed am I? Pretty damn annoyed! Annoyed that this is such a fantastic movie. Based on such a fantastic lie!
To have the brass balls to call your movie X-MEN: FIRST CLASS (implying the team featured in Marvel Comics X-Men #1, published 1963) and then to cram your movie with second class X-Men is the height of Hollywood arrogance. Everyone this side of the dinosaurs knows the very first X-Men were Professor X, Cyclops, Angel, Beast, Iceman and Marvel Girl.
When Lambs Become Lions. ...the humble beginnings and audacious flowering of the movement that is blowback for decades of corporate capitalist greed - Occupy Wall Street... TOP
Steel with Real Feel. It may not be the Oscar-muncher of the year, but it's definitely the most fun. And is it coincidence or mild irony that Wolverine is the star of a movie called REAL STEEL? TOP
The Krypton Syndrome. ...Al Gore talks up a storm. About storms. And droughts. And melting ice caps, and raging fires; the global climate shift exacerbated by what 1960's science fiction films might have called "Mankind tampering in God's domain." TOP
Bismillah! Nooo! We will not let you go! In a star-making turn, Cooper plays Saddam Hussein's son, Uday, and the body-double that Uday blackmails into his service, Latif Yahia. And they BOTH look like Freddie Mercury! TOP
Muscles, magic, tits and blood. Like Arnold before him, Momoa perfectly embodies Robert E. Howard's fictional medieval warrior, muscles thrumming, brain on standby, dick locked in the upright position. TOP
Another change-up, another plage-up. ...the latest mystical body-switching movie from the venal plagiarists in the Hollywood Cookie Cutter Industrial Complex who have the audacity to call themselves writers. TOP
Hitchcock... Hitch-Not. In this attempt at black comedy, Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day are three wimpy friends who have had enough of their horrible bosses and wish they had the balls to kill them. TOP
Red, White and Boob. The red, white and blue avenger, in the best comicbook movie of the decade - and by that I mean, it's lightweight and predictable and aimed at twelve-year-olds. TOP
BAD TEACHER not good. It's commendable that Cameron Diaz would go to such great lengths to portray someone so despicable and "ugly," but BAD TEACHER doesn't do her any justice, being even more despicable and ugly. TOP
Big things breaking other big things. I'm sure the budget of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON could wipe out Liberia's deficit, so why can't they afford passable look-alikes for Kennedy and Obama? TOP
