Highway to the Gayer Zone. rough notes.
by Jon Dunmore © 2


TOP GUN - the movie that wrested the crown from MAD MAX 2: THE ROAD WARRIOR as the Gayest Movie Ever Made.

Tom Cruise as Maverick, the pop gun let loose in billion dollar taxpayer war machinery
the only persono gayer than Tom Cruise tobe called MAverickisJohn McCain.

he's a hotshot fighter pilot in competition not just with the ghosts of his past, but with all and sundry - Iceman, Kilmer, his superior officers, who showhimup when he doesn't play as a team member. Oh and there's a soppy lovestory inserted sideways intothe ploy so that girlies who are not takenin by the labia-pounding afterburners of the supersonic jets will have something to cling to after the testosterone subsides.

Apparently, Top Gun Academy is for the best of the best - but no one said what they're the best at. I'd say it's pectorals, but others might opine it's for abs.
Here comes Kelly McGillis talking about thrust and negatvie inversion. (Oh, I get it: she's talking abotu SEX WITH TIN cRUISE And if you didn't realize that two seconds into her monolog, you're a ten-year-old girl.

When he says, "That's right - I'm dangerous!" it put almost as much fearinto me as when I
it's like a Hello Kitty saying I'm Dangerous!"

Iceman chompshis teeth at Macerick-- now hold on; was that meant to be a show of machismo or an invitation to put it in his mouth?

We were hedging on whether this was truly a gay movie - until KellyMcGillis shows up =now we're sure. Is thata man inwomen'sclothing? the manly Kelly McGillis as the love interest. the CIA/Pentagon hotshot who has to continually remind us that she is Pentagon brass, or we'd be laughing at her pretend performance as Pentagon brass. And who the hell is she to be instructing MiG pilots anyway? Do they really let blondes with no flight experience yap unintelligently to fighter pilots?

You lost me at topless male volleyball.

mesmerizing - later callback-it is man-merizing.

homoerotic


meg ryan in a small weepy role with a bad hairstyle.

TOPGUN is actually written likeit is on Skerritt'sbaseball cap all caps,all one word

preternaturally red skies.

Nominated for the most flesh-crawling line in a movie: "And I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you" (Years later, it would take BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN's "I can't quit you" to oust this from the top of the pile.

Val Kilmer with his hair frosted so high the canopy of his Tomcat had skid marks.
and everyone suckingin their guts and sticking out their toweled butts in the locker room scene. Look at the way Cruise leans on the bench, his ass sticking out. at valkilmmer.


Michael Ironside as Jester, the C.O. TomSkerritt as the old rake Viper.

flying scenes are put together well, jets- enough to make any woman's panties tremble.

"You can be my wingman anytime" "you can be mine!" Correct me if I'm wrong, but are they arguing over who's going to be the bottom in the relationship? Then they kiss, entwining tongues as only wingmen can do.

It is so homoerotic that the insipid "affair" with McGillis looks downright wrong; it looks forced, looks like thewrong type of love.

when he goes to meet his beard.

he is so cut up about the death of Goose that when we next see him in a locker room towel he's not sticking his butt out even half as much.