I – IN

I AM LEGEND

6 Star

TOP

I AM LEGEND

Release: Dec 07 – Review: 21 Sep 08
Will Smith Saves The World – Again…
Everyone on Earth is dead – but they left the CGI running.

I AM NUMBER FOUR

2 Star

TOP

I AM NUMBER FOUR

Release: Feb 11 – Review: 3 Mar 13
NUMBER FOUR is number two.
Like a turd falling from the sky and hitting every branch of the Cliché Tree on the way down…

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY

6 Star

TOP

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY

Release: Jul 07 – Review: 24 Dec 09
Totally not gay.
… settles into quite a watchable comedy, with the inevitable tolerance messages delivered without making us cringe.

I, FRANKENSTEIN

5 Star

TOP

I, FRANKENSTEIN

Release: Jan 14 – Review: 7 Sep 14
Frankenstein’s Glamster.
… a war between two immortal clans – the Gargoyles and the Demons – that could damn the fate of humankind… if only humankind gave a toss.

I ROBOT

6 Star

TOP

I, ROBOT

Release: Jul 04 – Review: 7 Dec 05
I, Gamebot.
… a tragic depravity of speculative fiction writer Isaac Asimov’s complex vision.

I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE

2 Star

TOP

I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE

Release: Mar 07 – Review: 21 Jan 10
I think I hate this movie.
… this mighty black man looks mighty beige.

I'M STILL HERE

6 Star

TOP

I’M STILL HERE

Release: Sep 10 – Review: 29 Dec 15
Not all there.
Joaquin Phoenix takes Hollywood on a long ride…

ICE AGE DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS

5 Star

TOP

ICE AGE DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS

Release: Jul 09 – Review: 6 Nov 09
On its merry way to extinction…
… the third and most spectacular in the ICE AGE series – and probably the least interesting.

IDENTITY

7 Star

TOP

IDENTITY

Release: Apr 03- Review: 29 Jul 05
Identity Cleft.
… a finely-crafted journey through the mind of a multiple personality during the course of purging his violent personas.

IDENTITY THIEF

2 Star

TOP

IDENTITY THIEF

Release: Feb 13 – Review: 31 Jul 13
Almost as bad as being defrauded.
… an identity thief that is lovable and funny and predisposed to redemption – you lost me at apologist for motherfuckers who deserve to die slow deaths.

THE IDES OF MARCH

9 Star

TOP

THE IDES OF MARCH

Release: Oct 11 – Review: 27 Dec 13
Et Tu, Gosling?
In Washington, there is really no ideology further than the retention of your job.

IF I STAY

5 Star

TOP

IF I STAY

Release: Apr 14 – Review: 17 Sep 15
I thought I was out. But they pulled me back IN….
Chloe Grace Moretz stares at herself sleeping. I can think of worse ways to spend eternity.

ILLUSIONIST

6 Star

TOP

ILLUSIONIST

Release: Aug 06 – Review: 7 Sep 06
The Distractionist.
… serves to misdirect the audience into believing that there is something more profound at stake than the Getting of Panty.

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS

6 Star

TOP

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS

Release: Jan 10 – Review: 4 Jan 11
The Distractionarium of Heath Ledger.
… the constant distraction in the back of our heads that IMAGINARIUM – not THE DARK KNIGHT – is Ledger’s actual swan song.

IMAGINE ME AND YOU

3 Star

TOP

IMAGINE ME AND YOU

Release: Jan 06 – Review: 5 Feb 09
Love at First Dyke.
Following on the heels of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and TRANSAMERICA comes this syrupy, thoughtless, fad-awful debacle of lesbian love…

IMMORTALS

5 Star

TOP

IMMORTALS

Release: Nov 11 – Review: 21 Oct 12
None More Shirtless.
No matter what you may think about IMMORTALS as a grandiose movie, a confused mythological tale, or an action fantasy diversion — goddam, it looks good!

THE IMPOSTORS

7 Star

TOP

THE IMPOSTORS

Release: 1998 – Review: 7 Oct 05
The Geniune Article.
After the magnificently-offbeat BIG NIGHT, director Tucci unites “his” cast in another offbeat tale.

IN BRUGES

10 Star

TOP

IN BRUGES

Release: Feb 08 – Review: 19 Jul 09
Quentin Tarantino’s THE ODD COUPLE.
Humor so black and ironic, it’s like stabbing nuns with the same ruler they used to rap your knuckles during piano lessons.

IN GOOD COMPANY

5 Star

TOP

IN GOOD COMPANY

Release: Dec 04 – Review: 4 Jan 06
Team Mediocrity.
One day Topher Grace will learn that “acting” is not “behaving like you’re making one big apology.”

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

7 Star

TOP

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

Release: Oct 67 – Review: 1 Jun 10
Before Eddie Murphy, there was MISTER Tibbs.
… the first “nigger with a badge” to do some real psychological damage to white supremacy…

IN THE LOOP

9 Star

TOP

IN THE LOOP

Release: Jul 09 – Review: 7 May 11
So you like a little politics with your swearing…
… British comedy with corruption more insidious than SYRIANA and dialogue more fierce than PULP FICTION.

IN THE VALLEY OF ELAH

7 Star

TOP

IN THE VALLEY OF ELAH

Release: Sep 07 – Review: 29 Sep 08
Into the Valley of Death.
… driving home the embarrassing metaphor that America’s Goliath is being kneecapped by the non-nuclear, stone-age fighting tactics of Iraq’s David.

IN TIME

7 Star

TOP

IN TIME

Release: Oct 11 – Review: 3 Sep 14
Money is Time is Life.
… a prescient concept underlying an enjoyable actioner that seems urgently plausible because we’re actually living it now.

INC – INS

INCEPTION

9 Star

TOP

INCEPTION

Release: Jul 10 – Review: 19 Apr 11
Dreaming in Black and Baby Blue.
INCEPTION. It’s dreamy.

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

8 Star

TOP

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

Release: May 06 – Review: 12 Jun 06
Sunshine Superman.
…  possibly the most dangerous threat to our way of life since Dubya took the oath: global warming.

THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE

5 Star

TOP

THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE

Release: Mar 13 – Review: 25 Jul 13
The Incredible Jim Carrey (and the Soporific Steve Carell).
Jim Carrey saves this movie from being unwatchable. As the edgy, bordering-on-insane street magician, he bitchslaps any semblance of comedy off Steve Carell’s whole persona.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

7 Star

TOP

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

Release: Jun 08 – Review: 4 Jul 08
Hulk movie – Smash!
… if it doesn’t knock you black and blue, it will at least slap you and call you Susan.

THE INCREDIBLES

8 Star

TOP

THE INCREDIBLES

Release: Nov 04 – Review: 20 Jun 07
Puts the “in” credible.
The humor is wit, rather than slapstick, the heroism is moral rather than muscle-bound and the whole outlook is adult rather than kiddie…

INDEPENDENCE DAY

6 Star

TOP

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Release: Jul 96 – Review: 19 Apr 09
The Arrogance of Independence.
“We will not go gently into the night; we will not vanish without a fight…” Somewhere an orchestra is playing; somewhere a cheese factory is dying.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

6 Star

TOP

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

Release: Jul 08 – Review: 9 Jul 08
Crystal Numbskull and the Kingdom of the Buttoned Shirt.
Written by mutton-fist Lucas, directed by No-Risk Spielberg, and starring Ford with his shirt buttoned…

THE INFORMANT

6 Star

TOP

THE INFORMANT

Release: Sep 09 – Review: 11 Mar 10
A little less corn, a little more syrup.
From its ugly orange posters to its silly, misleading theatrical trailers, everything about THE INFORMANT is an exercise in bad marketing.

THE INFORMERS

5 Star

TOP

THE INFORMERS

Release: Jun 09 – Review: 20 Oct 09
Blond on Bland.
Empty, bereft of soul, like its characters; a movie experience that leaves you feeling like a victim of a drive-by rape…

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

9 Star

TOP

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Release: Aug 09 – Review: 13 Feb 10
Gloriously Bastardly.
… four tenuously linked storylines eventually intertwining for the payoff. And what a payoff! A catharsis for Jewdom.

INHERIT THE WIND

7 Star

TOP

INHERIT THE WIND

Release: Nov 1960 – Review: 9 Dec 05
…And The Wind Cries Jesus.
… come into this movie as either cognizant of Evolutionary theory or an Ignoramus who believes in talking snakes. And you’ll probably go out the same way..

INSIDE MAN

7 Star

TOP

INSIDE MAN

Release: Mar 06 – Review:7 Apr 06
The Heistman Cometh.
… there is a robbery within a robbery in this heist, and it is that secondary robbery which gets everyone’s knickers knotted.

INSIDIOUS

8 Star

TOP

INSIDIOUS

Release: Apr 11 – Review: 28 Oct 11
Not Normally this Para.
… one of the few modern horror films that is truly scary.

INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2

5 Star

TOP

INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2

Release: Sep 13 – Review: 30 May 15
In-Silly-ous.
… you’re in for a treat of characters you don’t know appearing in places you never saw doing things you don’t care about.

INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 3

6 Star

TOP

INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 3

Release: Jun 15 – Review: 9 Dec 16
Back to the Further.
Old lady wanders around in darkness. Gets startled by people trying to kill her. Is this INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 3 or a visit to Granny’s?

INT – ITS

INTERIORS

9 Star

TOP

INTERIORS

Release: Apr 78 – Review: 21 Jul 13
The Artistic Mind is a Terrible Thing to View.
… showcases not just society’s tribulations, but his own dark interior.

THE INTERNATIONAL

6 Star

TOP

THE INTERNATIONAL

Release: Feb 09 – Review: 27 Jun 09
Resistance is Futile.
When one of the world’s largest international banks is discovered brokering covert arms deals with China and the Middle East… well, who’s really surprised these days?

INTERPRETER

4 Star

TOP

INTERPRETER

Release: Apr 05 – Review: 20 May 06
Lost In Translation.
… so riddled with callous discrepancies and glaring flaws that it completely loses all coherence before we have time to realize how boring it is.

INTERSECTION

6 Star

TOP

INTERSECTION

Release: Jan 94 – Review: 24 Nov 05
Gere Up For Double The Love.
Almost a Chick-Flick version of MEMENTO…

INTERSTELLAR

10 Star

TOP

INTERSTELLAR

Release: Nov 14 – Review: 20 Nov 14
Odyssey Three: When Surfer Dudes Boldly Go…
…a pondering of purpose, a savaging of the senses, an epic odyssey…

THE INTERVIEW 2014

7 Star

TOP

THE INTERVIEW 2014

Release: Dec 14 – Review: 27 Jan 15
The Propaganda Never Starts…
Two American talk show numbnuts score an interview with the dictator of North Korea, and try to assassinate him in the process.

INTO THE WILD

8 Star

TOP

INTO THE WILD

Release: Sep 07 – Review: 1 Mar 09
Northern Over-Exposure.
… Christopher Johnson McCandless, who shucked off his earthly possessions, did a Henry David Thoreau and flitted into the wilds of Alaska to live off the land.

INTOLERABLE CRUELTY

7 Star

TOP

INTOLERABLE CRUELTY

Release: Oct 03 – Review: 20 Nov 05
Surprisingly Tolerable.
George Clooney hasn’t been this funny since he was Batman.

THE INVASION 2007

5 Star

TOP

THE INVASION 2007

Release: Aug 07 – Review: 25 Jun 14
Tight Skirt, Alien Cell, Big Bra.
… devolves into an exercise in prurience, as the male of the species tumescently gawks at that sweater one size too small for her straining D-bra…

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS 1978

8 Star

TOP

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS 1978

Release: Dec 78 – Review: 6 Apr 09
Communist Plants in Skeletal Pants.
… a very plausible biological, rather than frontal-assault-forceful, method of invasion; like China invading America with knowledge rather than combat.

INVASION U.S.A.

1 Star

TOP

INVASION U.S.A.

Release: Dec 52 – Review: 12 Oct 14
Cold War Mongering.
… terrorizing the populace into believing that if they don’t Bow Down Ass Up to the American government, their lives would be ended by Russians…

THE INVENTION OF LYING

6 Star

TOP

THE INVENTION OF LYING

Release: Oct 09 – Review: 28 Jan 10
More Invention Required.
… starts as a fantastic original idea, fleshed into hilarious absurdity by Gervais, then slips in the puddle of Romantic Comedy…

INVICTUS

8 Star

TOP

INVICTUS

Release: Dec 09 – Review: 28 Mar 11
Pigskin Parable.
Morgan Freeman gets South Africa to cheer together in a funny accent.

INVINCIBLE

6 Star

TOP

INVINCIBLE

Release: Aug 06 – Review: 5 Apr 07
Vince-ible.
… one of those “Inspired by a True Story” films that is itself geared to inspire. Grimace.

THE IRON LADY

6 Star

TOP

THE IRON LADY

Release: Jan 12 – Review: 3 Sep 13
The Mannish, The Myth, The Legend.
If you watch THE IRON LADY with no prior knowledge of Margaret Thatcher’s policies, don’t worry, you’ll leave the movie the same way.

IRON MAIDEN FLIGHT 666

7 Star

TOP

IRON MAIDEN FLIGHT 666

Release: Apr 09 – Review: 7 Dec 11
Maiden Voyage.
An incredible Iron Maiden backstage pass! For fans, non-fans and devil-worshippers alike.

IRON MAN

9 Star

TOP

IRON MAN

Release: May 08 – Review: 17 May 08
Man of Steel, Ethics of Plastic.
… a steel-belted planet-crusher of a film; alloy feet on the ground, red-and-gold armor streaking for sub-orbital skies.

IRON MAN 2

7 Star

TOP

IRON MAN 2

Release: May 10 – Review: 23 Jun 10
Jumping The Stark.
… suffers from cramming us with characters and classic storylines in its desperate need to impress. My hole feels stretched. Not in that good way either.

IRON MAN 3

8 Star

TOP

IRON MAN 3

Release: May 13 – Review: 18 Jun 2013
Phallus Metallus.
… the filmmakers have pitted Tony Stark in a battle against his own suit over who owns the penis in the family.

THE ISLAND

5 Star

TOP

THE ISLAND

Release: Jun 05 – Review: 6 Dec 10
Attack of the Clones.
… being cultivated for rich people as “harvestable beings” for their body parts. And who wouldn’t want body parts from Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson?

IT 1990

5 Star

TOP

IT 1990

Release: Nov 90 – Review: 20 Oct 17
The B-Actors’ Club.
… presented as a mini-series that spanned over three hours in two parts, it suffers the fate of every production made for the small screen – it LOOKS small screen!

IT 2017

7 Star

TOP

IT 2017

Release: Sep 17 – Review: 30 Nov 17
He pronouned me…
The children of a small town are terrorized by a demon, until they realize they can simply beat the shit out of it.

IT MIGHT GET LOUD

7 Star

TOP

IT MIGHT GET LOUD

Release: Aug 09 – Review: 10 Mar 11
Whole Lotta Bruv.
Three warriors from three countries, three different attacks, brothers in arms and axes, a very cool docu-movie muso-mentary.

IT'S COMPLICATED

6 Star

TOP

IT’S COMPLICATED

Release: Dec 09 – Review: 25 Dec 10
Glengarry Glen Ruse.
Writer-director Nancy Meyers discovers in her late 50s what all men realize in their early 20s – that you can ALWAYS go back to previous panty.