RAC – RED

RACE 2016

7 Star

TOP

RACE 2016

Release: Feb 16 – Review: 5 Jan 17
The Race-ist.
It’s about Jesse Owens. And his races. And his race.

RAMBO

6 Star

TOP

RAMBO

Release: Jan 08 – Review: 5 Aug 08
He’s a Fighter, Not a Lover.
Due to our inculcation that Rambo is a “hero” and heroes shouldn’t enjoy war, it takes a long time to sink in that this Rambo fella is actually as shallow as we’ve always joked about him over the last 25 years!

RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II

5 Star

TOP

RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II

Release: May 85 – Review: 20 Feb 12
Blood and Thunder or Thud and blunder?
…the improbably named and impossibly bland sequel to the solid FIRST BLOOD.

RAMBO III

5 Star

TOP

RAMBO III

Release: May 88 – Review: 7 Nov 10
Bigger, Badder, Body Oilier.
RAMBO III continues the RAMBO legacy by effectively blowing things up with wild abandon, while Sylvester Stallone keeps his shirt off.

RANSOM

6 Star

TOP

RANSOM

Release: Nov 96 – Review: 8 Dec 08
Blow me the money.
Both Mel and Rene do some fine traumatized acting – we really feel they’ve lost a son. But there’s nothing like Mel’s “tragic face” – you know that look he gets like he’s one feather-push away from going total Riggs.

RAPTURE-PALOOZA

7 Star

TOP

RAPTURE-PALOOZA

Release: Jun13 – Review: 28 Sep 14
Apoca-Lips and a great rack.
… atheistic, irreverent and very funny, with just the right amount of C-cup. Just the way I like it.

RAVENOUS

6 Star

TOP

RAVENOUS

Release: Nov 99 – Review: 9 Apr 10
Tasty!
Lots of blood and bones, bones through flesh, flesh in pots and Guy Pearce looking tasty in all the wrong ways that taste so right…

RAY

6 Star

TOP

RAY

Release: Oct 04 – Review: 12 Oct 11
Tragedy and Triumph on the Cliché Superhighway.
… in crafting this ostensible monument to the blind blues-gospel pianist, they step knee deep in every cliché created by moviemaking mankind.

THE READER

7 Star

TOP

THE READER

Release: Jan 09 – Review: 6 Jun 09
Bedtime for Hitler.
…a heavy-handed, manipulative “romance” tale that will tear-jerk those who are inclined to be that way jerked, but will infuriate others with a shred of ethics.

REAL STEEL

7 Star

TOP

REAL STEEL

Release: Oct 11 – Review: 6 May 12
Steel with Real Feel.
It may not be the Oscar-muncher of the year, but it’s definitely the most fun. And is it coincidence or mild irony that Wolverine is the star of a movie called REAL STEEL?

THE REAPING

4 Star

TOP

THE REAPING

Release: Apr 07 – Review: 24 Nov 08
Reaping what you sow: Superstitious Stupidity.
Swank as a scientist who debunks religious superstitions (tautology, I know) – only problem is: in THIS stupid movie, superstition wins.

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

6 Star

TOP

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

Release: Oct 55 – Review: 15 Oct 11
A Giant in a midget’s movie.
…movie’s status has been conflated with its star’s talents; movie itself is dated, embarrassing, out-of-touch and very, very gay. And not in that fabulooouus way either.

RECOUNT

8 Star

TOP

RECOUNT

Release: May 08 – Review: 26 Oct 08
Stealing the World with Hanging Chad.
… another nail in the “democracy” coffin. Even for those who detest politics, this movie unfolds like a thriller rather than a dusty legal doc.

RED

6 Star

TOP

RED

Release: Oct 10 – Review: 29 Sep 11
Red-Blooded American Funtime.
… solid action-comedy that doesn’t take itself too seriously, yet seriously commits to delivering cheeky China White straight-to-the-vein outlandish bombast.

RED 2

4 Star

TOP

RED 2

Release: Jul 13 – Review: 1 Jul 16
Better Dead Than RED 2.
A bunch of stunts and car chases got together and called itself RED 2.

RED EYE

4 Star

TOP

RED EYE

Release: Aug 05 – Review: 17 Apr 07
A Craven effort.
… the longer it keeps going, the less it compels…

RED PLANET

3 Star

TOP

RED PLANET

Release: Nov 00 – Review: 5 May 08
Blue-Skying Salmon Sky.
Smart-mouthing their way to Mars like glibness is fueling their ship, one of them says, “The hope and survival of mankind rests on us.” Gee, I hope not.

RED RIDING HOOD

5 Star

TOP

RED RIDING HOOD

Release: Mar 11 – Review: 10 Jan 12
Lycan-nope.
One look at the director of this piece and it all makes sense: Catherine Hardwicke, TWILIGHT. All the better to Chick-Flick you, my dear.

RED SUN

7 Star

TOP

RED SUN

Release: Jun 72 – Review: 1 Jan 11
Stick ’em up – or just stick ’em!
Is it a Samurai Western or a Western Samurai movie? RED SUN: a unique action-adventure that is all six-shooters and sushi.

REDACTED

8 Star

TOP

REDACTED

Release: Nov 07 – Review: 24 Nov 08
Hell on Earth, overlorded by Satan Bush.
Many would argue that these inmate-mentality drogues are not representative of American soldiers. But REDACTED raises the horrifying reality that these are not the exception – they are the rule.

REE – RIO

REEL INJUN

7 Star

TOP

REEL INJUN

Release: Jun 10 – Review: 31 May 15
Red Film over White Eyes.
… travel into the dangerously racist heart of Hollywood and discover how cinema, since its inception, has shaped the false perception of the American Indian.

REIGN OVER ME

7 Star

TOP

REIGN OVER ME

Release: Mar 07 – Review: 16 May 09
When Sandler’s good, he’s very good. (Did I just say that?)
The words Adam Sandler and Acting don’t fit together well. In Mike Binder’s drama REIGN OVER ME, they – ulp! – do.

THE RELIC

5 Star

TOP

THE RELIC

Release: Jan 97 – Review: 23 Dec 12
Horror Movie Handbook meets Callous Director.
… bizarre murders at the museum, involving sucking out the victims’ hypothalamuses is where science and pseudo-bullshit collide.

RELIGULOUS

7 Star

TOP

RELIGULOUS

Release: Oct 08 – Review: 24 Oct 08
Maher Messiah.
Maher says it loud and proud: Stand up for what we DON’T believe in!

RENDITION

8 Star

TOP

RENDITION

Release: Oct 07 – Review: 5 Jan 08
Lessons in Amerikan Euphemism.
… brutally brings to light the very real paranoia and pain-mongering of the American government, against anyone who looks sideways at their insanities.

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM

9 Star

TOP

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM

Release: Oct 00 – Review: 25 May 09
Heroes for a Loser Class.
… an intense cinematic experience is to sell it short – it is a scooping out of your intestines and playing with them before trying to squeeze them back into your torso, all while you’re conscious.

THE RETURN OF GODZILLA

5 Star

TOP

THE RETURN OF GODZILLA

Release: Dec 84 – Review: 6 Feb 16
The Rubber Side of Vengeance.
… 1984, when Reagan made nukes all the rage, this film only reflecting the tenor of those fearful times.

THE REVENANT

9 Star

TOP

THE REVENANT

Release: Jan 16 – Review: 10 Jun 16
Revenge served cooooold…
Think of the coldest pain you’ve ever felt. Now multiply it by Leonardo DiCaprio in a bear rug.

REVENGE OF THE CREATURE

1 Star

TOP

REVENGE OF THE CREATURE

Release: Mar 55 – Review: 12 Oct 14
Bad Moviemakers Strike Again.
… not much “revenge” in REVENGE OF THE CREATURE, except maybe the filmmakers’ revenge on clear-thinking viewers.

REVIEW

1 Star

TOP

REVIEW

Release: Mar 14 – Review: 7 Mar 14
REVIEW in need of review (of its soon-to-be lost financing, soon-to-be fired employees and cancellation policies).
I wonder if Andrew Daly realizes he is as funny as a dick rash.

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

8 Star

TOP

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Release: Jan 09 – Review: 16 Jul 11
The Road To Nowhere leads straight through Suburbia.
Is REVOLUTIONARY ROAD the first “1950’s revisionist” romantic movie?

RICHARD PRYOR: LIVE IN CONCERT

8 Star

TOP

RICHARD PRYOR: LIVE IN CONCERT

Release: Jan 79 – Review: 4 Aug 07
Pryor Offense.
… this 1978 performance in Long Beach California is arguably his first and best onscreen barnstorming.

RICHARD PRYOR: OMIT THE LOGIC

7 Star

TOP

RICHARD PRYOR: OMIT THE LOGIC

Release: Jun 13 – Review: 3 Jun 13
Bigger, Blacker, Badder and Drunker.
Was Richard Pryor the first Black Comedian? Yes, there was Cosby before him, but Bill Cosby – even though technically a black man – was a white comedian.

THE RIDICULOUS 6

5 Star

TOP

THE RIDICULOUS 6

Release: Dec 15 – Review: 10 Jan 16
Ridiculous is as Ridiculous does…
… a poignant tale of familial love juxtaposed over a comedic road tale where nothing is funny.

RIGHTEOUS KILL

5 Star

TOP

RIGHTEOUS KILL

Release: Sep 08 – Review: 4 Feb 09
Dream Cast, Nightmare Script.
Every time they make their famous facial expressions, it just seems like they’re doing Robert De Niro and Al Pacino impersonations.

RIO

4 Star

TOP

RIO

Release: Apr 11 – Review: 8 Sep 13
Rio de Generic.
… uninvolving tale of a rare blue macaw and his intended mate on the run from poachers…

RIO 2

4 Star

TOP

RIO 2

Release: Apr 14 – Review: 2 May 16
Flocking dork and deceitful bitch road trip.
RIO 2 is not off to a good start. And it only gets more polly-want-a-cracker…

RIS – RUT

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

8 Star

TOP

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Release: Aug 11 – Review: 10 Feb 14
A planet where apes evolved from James Franco?
… a sober and epic thriller on how the Apes came to wear such stylish pantsuits.

THE RIVER WILD

5 Star

TOP

THE RIVER WILD

Release: Sep 94 – Review: 26 Jul 08
Up The Creek…
… for direction, it was adequate, for plot, it was necessary, for hotness, Meryl shouting orders at the men and getting all wet – was priceless.

RIVERWORLD 2010

2 Star

TOP

RIVERWORLD 2010

Release: Apr 10 – Review: 2 May 10
Cry me a river…
… a two-part television movie “based on the Riverworld novels,” resembling Farmer’s story in the sense that a dog turd resembles a sausage.

THE ROAD

8 Star

TOP

THE ROAD

Release: Nov 09 – Review: 19 Dec 10
A Tale of No Cities.
In a post-holocaust world, a father and son fend for survival, staying on the move for food, shelter, and the endless quest for a MAD MAX Trilogy Boxed Set.

ROBIN HOOD 2010

7 Star

TOP

ROBIN HOOD 2010

Release: May 10 – Review: 2 Apr 11
Everything’s archy.
This ain’t Errol Flynn, this ain’t Adam Ant, and it’s certainly not Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, riding through the glen… This ain’t your daddy’s ROBIN HOOD…

ROBOCOP 2014

7 Star

TOP

ROBOCOP 2014

Release: Feb 14 – Review: 5 Sep 15
Being more Man than Machine? There’s an app for that…
… a cyborg fights for control of his free will over the corporation that controls his unthinking, emotionless mind. Uh, so it’s about ALL cops then?

ROCK OF AGES

1 Star

TOP

ROCK OF AGES

Release: Jun12 – Review: 25 Sep 14
Crock of Ages.
My flesh was crawling so vividly during every minute of the mindless, sanitized, second-rate karaoke movie…

ROCK N ROLLA

7 Star

TOP

ROCK N ROLLA

Release: Oct 08 – Review: 12 Feb 09
High Voltage Rock n Roll.
… another intricately thug-woven Guy Ritchie story…

ROCK STAR

6 Star

TOP

ROCK STAR

Release: Sep 01 – Review: 22 May 06
Mock Star.
Soon enough, it devolves to Bowie’s livid shout of outrage: ”This ain’t rock and roll, this is – genocide!”

THE ROCKER

5 Star

TOP

THE ROCKER

Release: Aug 08 – Review: 17 Mar 09
Bohemian Crapsody.
… at least as enjoyable as watching Poison have arguments onstage…

ROCKY

8 Star

TOP

ROCKY

Release: Dec 76 – Review: 11 Jan 17
The Underdog that became a Stallion.
… mistaken as a film about a great winner, when it is instead a film about a great TRYER.

ROCKY II

5 Star

TOP

ROCKY II

Release: Jun 79 – Review: 12 Jan 17
The Stallion that became a Pussy.
ROCKY II is like a chick wondering what to wear.

ROCKY III

7 Star

TOP

ROCKY III

Release: May 82 – Review: 13 Jan 17
The Pussy that became a Gangbanger.
I pity the fool that takes ROCKY III seriously.

ROCKY IV

4 Star

TOP

ROCKY IV

Release: Nov 85 – Review: 14 Jan 17
The Gangbanger that became a Patriot.
ROCKY IV is a montage of montages. And some boxing.

ROCKY V

6 Star

TOP

ROCKY V

Release: Nov 90 – Review: 18 Jan 17
The Patriot that became a Senior Citizen.
ROCKY V is the ALIEN 3 of Rocky Movies. Back to basics.

ROCKY BALBOA

8 Star

TOP

ROCKY BALBOA

Release: Dec 06 – Review: 29 Dec 06
Rocky LX: Grandpa’s Revenge.
Something old (Stallone), something new (this film), something borrowed (the script from ROCKY), something blue (Talia Shire…

RODAN

5 Star

TOP

RODAN

Release: Dec 56 – Review: 26 Sep 14
Godzilla With Wings.
… a Japanese monster movie made while GODZILLA wasn’t looking.

ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY

8 Star

TOP

ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY

Release: Dec 16 – Review: 6 Feb 17
Star Wars 3.5: Martyrs’ Crossing.
… a stand-alone adventure that yet insinuates itself into canon, answering questions that we never thought to ask.

ROLE MODELS

4 Star

TOP

ROLE MODELS

Release: Nov 08 – Review: 30 Aug 10
Old rockstars never die – they just become movie references.
It’s mildly funny and mostly vacuous, the most fun coming from all the KISS references.

ROMEO AND JULIET

6 Star

TOP

ROMEO AND JULIET 1996

Release: Nov 96 – Review: 13 Jun 06
More Comedie Than Tragedie.
… retold with creative conceptualizing and high-voltage visuals by Australian thunderboy, director Baz Luhrmann, as an urban gang battle with a decidedly MTV-ian thrust.

ROSEWATER

7 Star

TOP

ROSEWATER

Release: Nov 14 – Review: 8 Sep 15
And I Ran, Iran so far a-way. And Iran, I could-n’t get a-way…
Boy, Iran sure can learn a thing or two about torture from America!

RUN ALL NIGHT

7 Star

TOP

RUN ALL NIGHT

Release: Mar 15 – Review: 13 Apr 16
When street cred meets father figure.
… the gritty twat-eating hardass badboy movie Liam Neeson makes when he’s not making other gritty twat-eating hardass badboy movies.

RUN FATBOY RUN

7 Star

TOP

RUN FATBOY RUN

Release: Mar 08 – Review: 11 Feb 09
Running Gag.
Once Pegg and Dylan Moran find their comedy stride, so to speak, there are no stops for any pisses by the roadside…

THE RUTLES

8 Star

TOP

THE RUTLES

Release: Mar 78 – Review: 1 Mar 15
The Ballad of Eric and Innes.
… follows the fictional eponymous band from their humble beginnings in Rutland to world domination, due in large part to their trousers.

THE RUTLES 2: CAN'T BUY ME LUNCH

5 Star

TOP

THE RUTLES 2: CAN’T BUY ME LUNCH

Release: Nov 04 – Review: 2 Mar 15
I’m looking through you, You’re not the same.
A fun retelling/revisiting the legend of The Rutles and their trousers.