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Update: 2012, Jan 31
Total Reviews: 786
Click on the movie to read the full review.
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X-MEN FIRST CLASS Poffy The Cucumber
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

How annoyed am I? Pretty damn annoyed! Annoyed that this is such a fantastic movie. Based on such a fantastic lie!

To have the brass balls to call your movie X-MEN: FIRST CLASS (implying the team featured in Marvel Comics X-Men #1, published 1963) and then to cram your movie with second class X-Men is the height of Hollywood arrogance. Everyone this side of the dinosaurs knows the very first X-Men were Professor X, Cyclops, Angel, Beast, Iceman and Marvel Girl.


Read Poffy's Full Review...


THE 99 PERCENT

Release: Dec 11 - Review: 25 Dec 11

When Lambs Become Lions.
...the humble beginnings and audacious flowering of the movement that is blowback for decades of corporate capitalist greed - Occupy Wall Street...
TOP
THE CLIMATE PROJECT

Release: Sep 11 - Review: 16 Sep 11

The Krypton Syndrome.
...Al Gore talks up a storm. About storms. And droughts. And melting ice caps, and raging fires; the global climate shift exacerbated by what 1960's science fiction films might have called "Mankind tampering in God's domain."
TOP
CONAN THE BARBARIAN 2011

Release: Aug 11 - Review: 19 Dec 11

Muscles, magic, tits and blood.
Like Arnold before him, Momoa perfectly embodies Robert E. Howard's fictional medieval warrior, muscles thrumming, brain on standby, dick locked in the upright position.
TOP
THE CHANGE-UP

Release: Aug 11 - Review: 10 Dec 11

Another change-up, another plage-up.
...the latest mystical body-switching movie from the venal plagiarists in the Hollywood Cookie Cutter Industrial Complex who have the audacity to call themselves writers.
TOP
COWBOYS AND ALIENS

Release: Jul 11 - Review: 17 Dec 11

A shallow ripple in the Force.
Is COWBOYS AND ALIENS a boring western movie, or a clichéd alien invasion movie?
TOP
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

Release: Jul 11 - Review: 18 Nov 11

Red, White and Boob.
The red, white and blue avenger, in the best comicbook movie of the decade - and by that I mean, it's lightweight and predictable and aimed at twelve-year-olds.
TOP
BAD TEACHER

Release: Jun 11 - Review: 12 Dec 11

BAD TEACHER not good.

It's commendable that Cameron Diaz would go to such great lengths to portray someone so despicable and "ugly," but BAD TEACHER doesn't do her any justice, being even more despicable and ugly.
TOP
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

Release: Jun 11 - Review: 11 Dec 11

Big things breaking other big things.
I'm sure the budget of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON could wipe out Liberia's deficit, so why can't they afford passable look-alikes for Kennedy and Obama?
TOP
SUPER

Release: Jun 11 - Review: 22 Oct 11

Super Dupe-r.
...seems just another plagiaristic permutation of Hero-Without-Powers, but there is a touching pathos to Frank that all us downtrodden mortals can relate to...
TOP
GREEN LANTERN

Release: Jun 11 - Review: 1 Jul 11

Attack of the 50-foot foreheads.
... could have opted to stay Earthbound, but instead do a wondrous galactic job outlining one of the more interesting superhero legends.
TOP
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

Release: Jun 11 - Review: 18 Jun 11

Homo superior, Bromo superior.
Remove the movie from its source material and FIRST CLASS is a very enjoyable origin tale, smartly depicting how the - snigger - "first" X-Men came to wear such flamboyant matching blouses..
TOP
BRIDESMAIDS

Release: May 11 - Review: 21 Dec 11

Marriage of heaven and hell.
BRIDESMAIDS was advertised as being a Chick Flick version of SUPERBAD. Nope. It's just super bad.
TOP
THOR

Release: May 11 - Review: 26 Nov 11

Godliness is next to prettiness.
Director Kenneth Branagh brings THOR to the big screen with all the respect that a Thunder God deserves and all the cut obliques that a woman craves.
TOP
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

Release: May 11 - Review: 24 Nov 11

Yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum Diary.
Ironic that the story in this aged and worn PIRATES - is the quest for the fountain of youth.
TOP
THE BEAVER

Release: May 11 - Review: 10 Sep 11

Puppetheart.
...can't tell whether THE BEAVER is a tragicomedy or a psychodramedy... it's cute, it's furry, it's got a big mouth and it's slightly insane - but enough about Mel Gibson.
TOP
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