28 titles
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HALLOWEEN
Release: Oct 78 - Review: 6 Nov 09

Carving Teen on Halloween.

Arguably the first Senseless Knife-Kill flick; arguably the first "serial murder" movie mislabeled as "horror"; arguably the only movie to ever use a Captain Kirk mask to scare people. Intentionally rather than accidentally.
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HAMLET 2
Release: Aug 08 - Review: 21 Apr 09

Charming Blasphemy, Thy Name is Sexy Jesus.
HAMLET 2 is GREASE slipping on the banana peel of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR; a ripping satire on "inspirational teacher" films of all stripes...
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HANCOCK
Release: Jul 08 - Review: 12 Jul 08

Upping the Ante on Anti-Heroes.

...a “superhero movie” only on its surface. Deeper, where emotions are torn from desires and sorrow abides like ravenous bile, HANCOCK is a misunderstood gem.
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THE HANGOVER
Release: Jun 09 - Review: 14 Feb 10

Vegas Knights (without amor).

...with its spanky dialog and breezy, insouciant verve THE HANGOVER exudes a heady excitement and an overall feeling of blissful meaningless fun...
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HANNIBAL
Release: Feb 01 - Review: Jul 02

The Violence Of The Hams
.
Ridley Scott, the brilliant director who helmed ALIEN, BLADE RUNNER and GLADIATOR, fell asleep during production and let a monkey take over.
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THE HAPPENING
Release: Jun 08 - Review: 25 Jun 08

Nothing Happening.

Grandiose concept + morbidly inept cast = mediocre movie.
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HARD BOILED
Release: Apr 92 - Review: 10 Mar 10

Dirty Hari.

...an homage to samurai, cops, westerns, and Pretty Orange Explosions; the last of his Chinese gangster flicks and the pinnacle of what made John Woo John Woo.
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A HARD DAY'S NIGHT
Release: Aug 64 - Review: 5 Aug 10

Mop toppery mockery.

A legendary band, The Beatles, in a crap film, A HARD DAY'S NIGHT, that resonates as legendary because The Beatles are in it.
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HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY
Release: Aug 08 - Review: 23 Apr 09

Laffing it up lamely, while the world bleeds shamely... 
Stupid frat-boy farce. Whadaya want from the lame pretenders to the stoner throne after Cheech and Chong?
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THE HAUNTING
Release: Sep 63 - Review: 25 Nov 09

Once Upon a Scary Spinster...

If you can get past the theatrical acting and the melodrama and the distracting voiceover, THE HAUNTING is a reasonably good horror movie. Scary? In places. Silly? In more places.
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THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT
Release: Mar 09 - Review: 20 Sep 09

So silly it's scary.

THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT is advertised as "the most terrifying movie ever made." It is. If you're five.
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HELLBOY
Release: Mar 04 - Review: 8 Aug 05

Hell-Freed, but Earth-Bound
.
I am as big a fan of comics/graphic novels as the next geek-cheese, but I am a bigger fan of well-made movies, and HELLBOY, for all its glitz and glam-blammo, is not a well-made movie.
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HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY
Release: Jul 08 - Review: 3 Aug 08

Hell-Tilt With The Wheels Comin' Off.

PAN’S LABYRINTH smashed up against the Cantina Sequence from STAR WARS and Guillermo del Toro rode that bad boy all the way to a town called HELLBOY.
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HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER
Release: Apr 73 - Review: 21 Apr 08

High Pains Grifter.

The Stranger from Leone’s spaghettis – reincarnated to rewrite the American West.
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HIGHLANDER
Release: 1986 - Review: 24 Aug 05


It's A Kind Of Tragic.
...this tale is so original and well-executed, it is hard to imagine it was not culled from Scottish folk legend.
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HIGHLANDER III: THE SORCERER
Release: Jan 1995 - Review: 19 Aug 05

There Can Be Only One… er-Three…uh- Seven? Twenty?.. I dunno, does 43 sound about right?...

Each sequel drives another vapid nail into the bottomless coffin that has become the HIGHLANDER franchise.
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A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
Release: Oct 05 - Review: Nov 05


When the Evil Twin Piques
.

Wearing his Darwinism on his sleeve, director David Cronenberg assails his audience with a movie which is surface "pulp thriller," played hard against a psychological cyclorama...
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HITCH
Release: Feb 05 - Review: 4 Feb 07

Hitch Cock.

This film needs a brain-frying dose of Tom Leykis.
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Release: Apr 05 - Review: 15 Jan 07

Mining the Diary, Missing the Madman.

...somehow, the end result of all these superior elements comes out as flollopy as a mattress from the swamps of Squornshellous Zeta.
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THE HOAX
Release: Apr 07 - Review: 24 May 07

The Barbaric Yawp of the Lunatic Fringe.

...author Clifford Irving fooled all of the people some of the time when he produced the autobiography of one of the world's most intriguing recluses, Howard Hughes.
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HOLLYWOODLAND
Release: Sep 06 - Review: 25 Oct 06

As Powerful as a Locomotive.

And Ben Affleck is George Reeves. As they say in Joisey: "Who woulda thought?!" - Matt Damon's wife as The Man of Steel!
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HORTON HEARS A WHO!
Release: Mar 08 - Review: 26 Aug 09

For Whom the Who Tolls.

An animated feature that kids will enjoy and adults will find tiresome.
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HOSTAGE
Release: Mar 05 - Review: 2 Jul 10

Like a hostage, we are captive.

Bruce Willis does some of the best acting of his career here, as a damaged cop whose failure can be read in his sad eyes. Part John McClane, part Sean Penn, part Harrison Ford, all thespian.
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HOT FUZZ
Release: Apr 07 - Review: 10 May 07

Buzz Fuzz.

...does for law enforcement what SHAUN did for the dead - bring it to life just to beat the living cliché out of it.
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HOT ROD
Release: Aug 07 - Review: 28 Sep 08

Snot Rod.

Besides these two high points in the film - both subsequently ruined anyway with the slipshod writing - the rest of the film is like choking on someone else's vomit.
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HOUSE OF THE DEAD
Release: Feb 03 - Review: 23 Aug 05

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND meets Romero's Non-Actors.

...a slasher film for the mindless and mindless at heart.
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HULK
Release: Jun 03 - Review: 6 Oct 05

Shrek On Steroids
.
Well, we all know what happens when Bruce Banner gets enraged: his body turns green and his pants turn purple and very, VERY elastic.
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THE HURT LOCKER
Release: Jun 09 - Review: 10 Aug 09

Heroic Movie about a Non-Heroic War.

...pro-war film pretending to be anti-war. THE HURT LOCKER would like to believe it shows us the gritty realism of sudden death and wasted life. It does - all with hero angles.
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