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HAMLET 2
 Release: Aug 08 - Review: 21 Apr 09 
Charming Blasphemy, Thy Name is Sexy Jesus.
HAMLET 2 is GREASE slipping on the banana peel of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR; a ripping satire on "inspirational teacher" films of all stripes...
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HANCOCK
 Release: Jul 08 - Review: 12 Jul 08 
Upping the Ante on Anti-Heroes.
...a “superhero movie” only on its surface. Deeper, where emotions are torn from desires and sorrow abides like ravenous bile, HANCOCK is a misunderstood gem.
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| | HANNIBAL
Release: Feb 01 - Review: Jul 02 
The Violence
Of The Hams.
Ridley Scott, the brilliant director
who helmed Alien, Blade Runner and Gladiator, fell asleep during
production and let a monkey take over.
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THE HAPPENING
Release: Jun 08 - Review: 25 Jun 08
Nothing Happening.
Grandiose concept + morbidly inept cast = mediocre movie.
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HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY
 Release: Aug 08 - Review: 23 Apr 09
Laffing it up lamely, while the world bleeds shamely...
Stupid frat-boy farce. Whadaya want from the lame pretenders to the stoner throne after Cheech and Chong?
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| | HELLBOY
Release:
Mar 04 - Review: 8 Aug 05 
Hell-Freed,
but Earth-Bound.
I am as big a fan of comics/graphic
novels as the next geek-cheese, but I am a bigger fan of well-made movies, and
Hellboy, for all its glitz and glam-blammo, is not a well-made movie.
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HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY
Release: Jul 08 - Review: 3 Aug 08
Hell-Tilt With The Wheels Comin' Off.
PAN’S LABYRINTH smashed up against the Cantina Sequence from STAR WARS and Guillermo del Toro rode that bad boy all the way to a town called HELLBOY.
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HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER
 Release: Apr 73 - Review: 21 Apr 08
High Pains Grifter.
The Stranger from Leone’s spaghettis – reincarnated to rewrite the American West.
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| | HIGHLANDER
Release: 1986 - Review: 24 Aug 05
It's A Kind Of
Tragic.
...this tale is so original and well-executed,
it is hard to imagine it was not culled from Scottish folk legend.
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| | HIGHLANDER
III: THE SORCERER
Release: Jan 1995 - Review: 19 Aug 05
There Can Be Only
One… er-Three…uh- Seven? Twenty?.. I dunno, does 43 sound about right?...
Each sequel drives another vapid nail into the bottomless coffin
that has become the Highlander franchise.
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| | A
HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
Release: Oct 05 - Review: Nov 05
When the Evil Twin
Piques.
Wearing
his Darwinism on his sleeve, director David Cronenberg assails his audience with
a movie which is surface "pulp thriller," played hard against a psychological
cyclorama...
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 | HITCH
Release: Feb 05 - Review: 4 Feb 07
Hitch Cock.
This film needs a brain-frying dose of Tom Leykis.
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 | THE
HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Release: Apr 05 - Review: 15 Jan 07
Mining the Diary,
Missing the Madman.
...somehow, the end result
of all these superior elements comes out as flollopy as a mattress from the swamps
of Squornshellous Zeta.
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HOAX
Release: Apr 07 - Review: 24 May 07
The Barbaric Yawp
of the Lunatic Fringe.
...author Clifford
Irving fooled all of the people some of the time when he produced the autobiography
of one of the world's most intriguing recluses, Howard Hughes.
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 | HOLLYWOODLAND
Release: Sep 06 - Review: 25 Oct 06
As Powerful as
a Locomotive.
And Ben Affleck is George Reeves.
As they say in Joisey: "Who woulda thought?!" - Matt Damon's wife as
The Man of Steel!
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 | HOT
FUZZ
Release: Apr 07 - Review: 10 May 07
Buzz Fuzz.
...does for law enforcement what Shaun did for the dead
- bring it to life just to beat the living cliché out of it.
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HOT ROD
 Release:
Aug 07 - Review: 28 Sep 08 
Snot Rod.
Besides these two high points in the film - both subsequently ruined anyway with the slipshod writing - the rest of the film is like choking on someone else's vomit.
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HOUSE
OF THE DEAD
Release: Feb 03 - Review: 23 Aug 05
Gilligan's Island
meets Shaun Of The Dead.
...a
slasher film for the mindless and mindless at heart.
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| | HULK
Release: Jun 03 - Review: 6 Oct 05
Shrek On Steroids.
Well, we all know what happens when Bruce Banner gets enraged:
his body turns green and his pants turn purple and very, VERY elastic.
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