 |
|
|
|
|
 |
JACKASS:
THE MOVIE
Release: Oct
02 - Review: 23 Jan 06 
Jockstraps and Beer.
If human civilization is to retain any
semblance of forward momentum, never let our children
see JACKASS: THE MOVIE. Matter of fact, once you've
seen it yourself, burn your copy and wash your genitals.
TOP
|
 |
JARHEAD
 Release: Nov 05 - Review: 30 Jul 07 
JARHEAD is the new JACKET.
... this movie is not about bullets and bombs tearing flesh off bone, but rather the loneliness, confusion and misguided patriotism of the United States Marine.
TOP |
 |
JAWS
 Release:
Jun 75 - Review: 7 May 09 
A Whale of a Tale.
When Steven Speilberg first heard John Williams's simple, ominous JAWS theme, he apparently thought it was a joke. Now who's laughing?
TOP |
 |
JAWS 2
 Release: Jun 78 - Review: 23 Feb 09
New Shark, Old Story.
We know what’s going to happen: you go in the water – you get eaten. Pretty much.
TOP |
 |
JCVD
Release: Jun 08 - Review: 30 May 09
Muscles from Brussels in Tussles.
...a richly layered, self-effacing, dark comedy; in a world where Van Damme's own legend proves his undoing and his salvation.
TOP |
 |
JESUS
CHRIST SUPERSTAR
 Release:
Aug 1973 - Review: 28 Dec 05 
Nails It.
...as reverent as it is blasphemous, as
bombastic as it is humble, as god as it is zilla.
TOP |
|
|
JESUS
CHRIST SUPERSTAR 2000
Release: Mar 01 - Review: 26 Nov 05
Jesus Tapdancing Christ.
Not the definitive SUPERSTAR, yet
sincere enough to uphold a grand tradition - Behold, it
is good.
TOP
|
 |
JOE KIDD
Release: Jul 72 - Review: 17 Aug 10
Just Kidding.
...a towering example of Eastwood being himself, doing all those outlandish things only Clint can get away with in a Clint Eastwood movie; the types of things that make schoolboys grow up idolizing the laconic, lanky super cowboy...
TOP |
|
|
JOE
VERSUS THE VOLCANO
Release: Mar
90 - Review: 23 Nov 05
Sacrificial Ham.
Long before CAST AWAY, Hanks here finds
himself adrift on an endless ocean with nothing but a
mindless entity for companionship - Meg Ryan.
TOP
|
|
J-OK'EL
 Release: Mar 07 - Review: 7 Feb 09 
You must be J-ok'ing.
...bad acting, no acting, insipid acting and some jaw-dropping in-camera special effects make J-OK'EL nigh unwatchable - if you can stay awake long enough to watch it.
TOP |
 |
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 2008
 Release: Jul 08 - Review: 24 Dec 08
Hitting Bottom.
Boy's Movie. In 3D. Serves its purpose of getting thirteen-year-old boys interested in slim blond girls with indeterminate Euro accents and tennis-ball ta-tas.
TOP |
 |
JUMPER
Release: Feb 08 - Review: 8 Oct 08
Jumping the Snark.
JUMPER is a one-trick pony that wishes it knew just one more trick.
TOP |
 |
JUNO
Release: Dec 07 - Review: 5 Mar 10
Verging on Virgin-on-Virgin.
...the only outrage is the hypocrisy of the American public that would scream statutory rape when 16-year-olds are impregnated in real life and then embrace this movie as "outrageously offbeat."
TOP |
 |
JURASSIC
PARK
Release: Jun 93 - Review: 10 Apr 07
Dino Mighty.
...the film-makers had won. We
were their bitches. There could be no more stop-motion or Harryhausen after seeing the
grandeur and "real-ness" of Spielberg's saurians.
TOP |
 |
JURASSIC PARK THE LOST WORLD
Release: May 97 - Review: 22 Feb 10
Boring Roaring.
Let it be known: JURASSIC PARK II was not made for its story, nor for art, nor for fans, nor for enjoyment, purely for dirty profit.
TOP |
 |
JURASSIC PARK III
Release: Jul 01 - Review: 3 Jan 10
Excitement replaced by Excrement.
...the corporations and marketers and unevolved apes who call themselves filmmakers have forgotten what made dinosaurs such a wonder in the first place.
TOP |
 |
JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS
Release: Mar 86 - Review: 30 Nov 09
Ménage à Ted.
What happens when two MILFs discover they're bonking the same man? Unbridled pouting.
TOP |
|
|
|
|
|
