21 titles
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 
Ja Jo
JACKASS: THE MOVIE

Release: Oct 02 - Review: 23 Jan 06

Jockstraps and Beer.
If human civilization is to retain any semblance of forward momentum, never let our children see JACKASS: THE MOVIE. Matter of fact, once you've seen it yourself, burn your copy and wash your genitals.
TOP
JACKASS NUMBER TWO

Release: Sep 06 - Review: 30 Jul 11

More Jockstraps. More Beer.

Knoxville and his crew of masochists do more stupid stuff which hurts them badly and could get them killed - and film it.
TOP
JACKASS 2.5

Release: Dec 07 - Review: 31 Jul 11

See what idiots with movie contracts are capable of - not much.

...someone really needs to stop me beating the shit out of Johnny Knoxville for this lame excuse of a polished turd he calls a “movie.” Trouble is, he'd enjoy it.
TOP
JARHEAD

Release: Nov 05 - Review: 30 Jul 07

JARHEAD is the new JACKET.
... this movie is not about bullets and bombs tearing flesh off bone, but rather the loneliness, confusion and misguided patriotism of the United States Marine.
TOP
JAWS

Release: Jun 75 - Review: 7 May 09

A Whale of a Tale.
When Steven Speilberg first heard John Williams's simple, ominous JAWS theme, he apparently thought it was a joke. Now who's laughing?
TOP
JAWS 2

Release: Jun 78 - Review: 23 Feb 09

New Shark, Old Story.
We know what’s going to happen: you go in the water – you get eaten. Pretty much.
TOP
JAWS 3

Release: Jul 83 - Review: 7 Apr 11

Terrorized by puppets and stock footage.

Remember Spinal Tap's album, Shark Sandwich and its two-word review? "Shit sandwich."
TOP
JCVD

Release: Jun 08 - Review: 30 May 09

Muscles from Brussels in Tussles.

...a richly layered, self-effacing, dark comedy; in a world where Van Damme's own legend proves his undoing and his salvation.
TOP
JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR

Release: Aug 1973 - Review: 28 Dec 05

Nails It.
...as reverent as it is blasphemous, as bombastic as it is humble, as god as it is zilla.
TOP
JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR 2000

Release: Mar 01 - Review: 26 Nov 05

Jesus Tapdancing Christ.
Not the definitive SUPERSTAR, yet sincere enough to uphold a grand tradition - Behold, it is good.
TOP
JOE KIDD

Release: Jul 72 - Review: 17 Aug 10

Just Kidding.
...a towering example of Eastwood being himself, doing all those outlandish things only Clint can get away with in a Clint Eastwood movie; the types of things that make schoolboys grow up idolizing the laconic, lanky super cowboy...
TOP
JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO

Release: Mar 90 - Review: 23 Nov 05

Sacrificial Ham.
Long before CAST AWAY, Hanks here finds himself adrift on an endless ocean with nothing but a mindless entity for companionship - Meg Ryan.
TOP
J-OK'EL

Release: Mar 07 - Review: 7 Feb 09

You must be J-ok'ing.
...bad acting, no acting, insipid acting and some jaw-dropping in-camera special effects make J-OK'EL nigh unwatchable - if you can stay awake long enough to not watch it.
TOP
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 2008

Release: Jul 08 - Review: 24 Dec 08

Hitting Bottom.

Boy's Movie. In 3D. Serves its purpose of getting thirteen-year-old boys interested in slim blond girls with indeterminate Euro accents and tennis-ball ta-tas.
TOP
 
 
Ju Ju
JULIE AND JULIA

Release: Aug 09 - Review: 23 Apr 11

The Cookie Monster Cometh.
Meryl Streep (as Julia Child) ululates her way through this exceptional little quasi-biopic sounding like Graham Chapman in a dress.
TOP
JUMPER

Release: Feb 08 - Review: 8 Oct 08

Jumping the Snark.

JUMPER is a one-trick pony that wishes it knew just one more trick.
TOP
JUNO

Release: Dec 07 - Review: 5 Mar 10

Verging on Virgin-on-Virgin.
...the only outrage is the hypocrisy of the American public that would scream statutory rape when 16-year-olds are impregnated in real life and then embrace this movie as "outrageously offbeat."
TOP
JURASSIC PARK

Release: Jun 93 - Review: 10 Apr 07

Dino Mighty.
...the film-makers had won. We were their bitches. There could be no more stop-motion or Harryhausen after seeing the grandeur and "real-ness" of Spielberg's saurians.
TOP
JURASSIC PARK THE LOST WORLD

Release: May 97 - Review: 22 Feb 10

Boring Roaring.
Let it be known: JURASSIC PARK II was not made for its story, nor for art, nor for fans, nor for enjoyment, purely for dirty profit.
TOP
JURASSIC PARK III

Release: Jul 01 - Review: 3 Jan 10

Excitement replaced by Excrement.

...the corporations and marketers and unevolved apes who call themselves filmmakers have forgotten what made dinosaurs such a wonder in the first place.

TOP
JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS

Release: Mar 86 - Review: 30 Nov 09

Ménage à Ted.

What happens when two MILFs discover they're bonking the same man? Unbridled pouting.

TOP
 
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Poffy The Cucumber is copyrighted to Jon Dunmore © 2005, and the character and his name may not be used without permission.
"Poffy The Cucumber's Movie Mania" is the official website of Poffy The Cucumber
© and a division of Egomania Records ®.
All movie reviews are the original work of Jon Dunmore and may not be duplicated
without permission. Plagiarism is an offense punishable by being slapped senseless with a cabbage.


Top of Page