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 | SANDS
OF IWO JIMA
Release: Dec 49 - Review: 24 Nov 06
Jingo All The Way.
...thirty-something teenagers with clean shirts and Christian mouths
storm battlegrounds where they die operatically from bullets that don't make exit
wounds...
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SAW
 Release: Oct 04 - Review: 25 Dec 08
To Die For.
...the original SAW displays a depth to its cutting edges that raises it miles above the average bear-trap nipple-twister.
TOP |
| | THE
SCHOOL OF ROCK
Release: Sep 03 - Review: 12 Aug 05 
Tenacious D's Boy-Thunder
Rides Hellacious and Raises The Goblet Of Rock.
Black
trod that knife-edge between sociopath and savior, milking the storyline like
a blue-ribbon set of udders, for the pleasure of rock burnouts of the Alice Cooper
generation.
TOP
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| | THE
SENTINEL
 Release: Apr 06 - Review: 26 Apr 06 
Running Fast but Standing Still.
...an unevenly
entertaining, bucking and diving, dodging and weaving affair, which intermittently
excels when it relaxes its grip on trying to be too hip.
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SEVEN POUNDS
Release: Dec 08 - Review: 15 Jun 09
Heavy.
It's Shakespearean, it's Biblical; it's a story that rivals the most tragic star-crossed lovers' tales of the ages and makes the grandest Hollywood romances look downright HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.
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| | SHALLOW
HAL
 Release:
Nov 01 - Review: Jul 05 
When Fat is
Phat and Hot is Not
...a snide wink to the hotties
in the audience that if the fatties and quadriplegics onscreen are amenable to
"laughing at themselves" then we can laugh AT them also...
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SHOOT 'EM UP
Release: Sep 07 - Review: 4 Dec 08 
Love it. Hate it. You won't fall asleep.
I mean, really! How sensible do you think a movie called SHOOT 'EM UP could possibly be?
TOP |
 | SHOOTER
Release: Mar 07 - Review: 2 Apr 07
Shooter is Sharp
but Misses the Marky.
...achieves that sensible
balance between action, political skullduggery, pretty orange explosions and Mark
Wahlberg's big guns (and I don't mean his military sniper rifles)...
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SICKO
 Release: Jul 07 - Review: 18 Jul 07 
In Sickness and In Wealth.
SICKO plants the seed of dissent in another area of our lives we’ve regarded with complacency – an aspect we’ve been programmed to believe is doing us right even as it does us morbidly wrong.
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SIGNS
Release:
Aug 02 - Review: 4 Apr 09
Cream of the Crop Circles.
...a beautifully crafted lesson in film "making"; creative angles, smart reveals, subtle foreshadowing, tension-filled tableaus, nuanced humor. No frame wasted, no scene superfluous, no Night un-Shyamalaned.
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THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
Release: Jul 07 - Review: 17 Jan 09
Call of the Simpsons.
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE is pretty much a SIMPSONS television episode. No better, no worse. Just longer.
TOP |
| | SKY
HIGH
Release: Jul 05 - Review: 2 Oct 05 
The Bastard Offspring
of John Hughes and Joel Schumacher.
...elevates
the hormonally-drenched pseudo-problems of libidinous, over-privileged, studiously-hip
teens to the import of a United Nations Symposium on Global Oil Embargos...
TOP
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SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
 Release: Jan 09 - Review: 1 Mar 09
Hip to be Slumdog.
Pommie Danny Boyle's kinetic vision, from the screaming slums of Bombay-soon-to-be-Mumbai; vibrant, shimmering, frenetic - but thank god no smell, otherwise the "ooweh" vomit sound...
TOP |
 | SMOKIN'
ACES
Release: Jan 07 - Review: 11 Feb 07
It's a mad mad
mad mad assassination.
There is more unnecessary
dialog here than in the Pam and Tommy sex tape.
TOP
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 | SNATCH
Release: Jan 01- Review: 5 Sep 06
"Snatch"
will grab.
...SNATCH is a Molotov
cocktail of a movie; a careening, chain-wielding maniac of a film.
TOP
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THE SONG OF BERNADETTE
 Release: Dec 43 - Review: 27 Jul 08
Song Sung Kazoo.
One of humanity’s greatest miracles: a miracle that the world heeded an 1858 French peasant nutjob, Bernadette Soubirous, who claimed to have seen 18 “visions” of Virgin Mary near Lourdes...
TOP |
| | THE
SOPRANOS: SEASON 3
Release: Feb 2001
Episode 30 Episode
32 Episode 38
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| | SPACE
COWBOYS
Release: Aug 2000 - Review: 17 Jan 06
American Hero Sandwich.
Eastwood explores - through his laconic wit and casually-paced,
character-driven style - exactly what makes these implausible candidates for this
mission such plausible Heroes.
TOP
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| | SPANGLISH
Release: Dec 04 - Review: 1 Jan 2006
Renaissance Sandler.
Boy Sandler actually portrays a Real Human in SPANGLISH
- a well-rounded, successful husband and father, as far removed from any of his
other roles as Rob Schneider is from comedy.
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SPECIES
Release: Jul 95 - Review: 28 Jun 09
Darwin never looked so good.
It's ALIEN with a spectacular pair of natural knockers.
TOP |
| |
SPIDER-MAN
2002
Release: May 02 - Review: Jun 02 
Hangin' With
The Big Boys.
Spiderman joins the pantheon of
underpanted heroes whom the movie forum has portrayed as mightily as their bulging
quadriceps...
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SPIDER-MAN
2
Release: Jun 04 - Review: 6 Feb 07
Spider Sense-tingling.
Grander, faster, slicker than its predecessor, director Sam Raimi's SPIDER-MAN 2 is more action-packed, more thrill-rided, more rollercoastered
than SPIDER-MAN...
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 | SPIDER-MAN
3
Release: May 07 - Review: 20 May 07
Really Swingin'.
...a swingin' soiree; a chill-er thriller ladykiller that tops
both its previous incarnations with smooth-headed, web-spangling adventure and
vibrant, flesh-colored emotion.
TOP |
| | THE
STAND
Release: May 1994 - Review: 9 Jun 05
My Favorite Martian
versus Garth Brooks.
To the chagrin of a billion
readers, director Mick Garris and the tome's author himself, Stephen King (as
executive producer, screenwriter, and actor), offer us a vapid tv visualization
of the book, diminishing all its epic impact.
TOP
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STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME
Release: Nov 96 - Review: 30 Apr 08
Camping in a Row of Future Tense.
I could say this movie was “a whale of a time” but it wasn’t really. Starting with a promising premise, as the story unfolded, it quickly lost its porpoise.
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STAR TREK 2009
Release: May 09 - Review: 20 Jun 09
All-New, All-Improved, Same-ole Same-ole.
If this don't keep the fanboys happy, nothin' will.
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STAR WARS I: THE PHANTOM MENACE
 Release: May 99 - Review: 4 May 09 
A Legend Unravels...
And like Big Government, PHANTOM MENACE talks too much, dazzles with special effects, overdoses on misdirection - and says nothing.
TOP |
| | STAR
WARS II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES
Release: May 02 - Review: Jul 02 
CGI = Cast
Grossly Inessential.
...superfluous computer
graphic imagery stuns you into almost not laughing at the hamhanded attempts at
characterization and kindergarten dialog in this vacuous corporate merchandising
advertisement thinly-disguised as a movie.
TOP
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STAR
WARS III: REVENGE OF THE SITH
Release: May 05 - Review: May 05 
The Sith Hits
The Fans: A Cultural Calamity.
...is darker
than other Star Wars episodes in the sense that "Scooby Doo Meets Dracula"
is darker than "Scooby Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters".
TOP
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 | STAR
WARS IV: A NEW HOPE
Release: May 77 - Review: 16 May 07 
A Legend Begins…
from the middle…
...a revelation and a
revolution. There will never be anything like it again.
TOP |
 | STAR
WARS V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Release: May 80 - Review: 18 Jun 07
Empirical Satirical.
The series would never again scale these lofty heights of grand
dramatic slam. THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, brimming with hilarity, humanity
and paternity, is the best of the STAR WARS series.
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STAR WARS VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI
Release: May 83 - Review: 27 Jun 09
The circle is now complete.
In the last of the STAR WARS hexology, the Galactic Empire has returned with another planet-sized space station to terrorize the galaxy. And the Rebel Alliance has returned to break it.
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STOP-LOSS
Release: Mar 08 - Review: 22 Nov 08
Nothing Stops the Loss.
The Stop-Loss program is exactly what it sounds like: a fine print clause in military contracts to stop the loss of American troops from active service - by forcing them back onto the death fields at the behest of the Murderer in Chief.
TOP |
| | A
STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE
Release: 1951 - Review: 3 Oct 05
A Juggernaut Named
Brando.
There are three reasons for watching A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE: Brando. Brando. Brando.
TOP
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| | THE
SUM OF ALL FEARS
Release: May 02 - Review: 30 Jan 04
Ford Power.
Not since Marky Mark replaced Charlton Heston in Tim Burton's remarkable
film about ape-poo, has there been such an inadequate, impotent re-imagining of
a well-known filmic character.
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SUPERBAD
Release: Aug 07 - Review: 23 Mar 09
Superbad: The Quest for Piece.
All previous dork-to-chick movies now lack any bite when held up to SUPERBAD's bullet-train urgency, modern crudeness and razorburn truths, like a bear trap slamming over your scrote.
TOP |
| | SUPERMAN
Release: Dec 78 - Review: 11 Jul 06
One Part Steel,
Two Parts Cheese.
When it's good, SUPERMAN,
like its hero, is super. When it's bad, it is cheesier than a German cheese festival.
TOP |
 | SUPERMAN
II
Release: Jul 81 - Review: 9 Dec 06
It's a bird. It's plain. It's not super, man.
SUPERMAN II is two movies mashed together to make HALF a movie.
TOP
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| | SUPERMAN
RETURNS
Release: Jun 06 - Review: 4 Jul 06 
Ol' Blue Eyes Is
Back.
... merely a retelling of Richard Donner's
1978 SUPERMAN for the iPod generation.
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SURF'S UP
Release: Jun 07 - Review: 28 Jun 07
Surf's Up, Up and Away.
Despite its mundane title, SURF'S UP is a totally tubular surfari of relentless comedy and madboy cuteness.
TOP |
| | SURVIVING
CHRISTMAS
 Release: Oct 04 - Review: 28 May 06
Surviving
Affleck.
... serves as
yet another unfortunate example of James Gandolfini proving what a great actor
he is whilst simultaneously besmirching his career by acting in this film.
TOP
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SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET
Release: Dec 07 - Review: 8 Jan 08
Slashing Singing Scissorhands.
Violent, gruesome, blackly hilarious, deliriously entertaining, director Tim Burton’s vision of SWEENEY TODD is a wild cry of bloodlust put to song.
TOP |
| | SYRIANA
Release: Dec 05 - Review: 31 Dec 05
Oil Is Not Well.
Stephen
Gaghan uses the neck-snapping plotline to illustrate how oil machinations on a
global level affect lives on a personal level.
TOP
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