86 titles
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 
Sa Sp
SALT

Release: Jul 10 - Review: 29 Dec 10

DIE HARD With a Vagina.
A bunch of guys chase after Angelina Jolie. So what's new?
TOP
SANDS OF IWO JIMA

Release: Dec 49 - Review: 24 Nov 06

Jingo All The Way.
...thirty-something teenagers with clean shirts and Christian mouths storm battlegrounds where they die operatically from bullets that don't make exit wounds...
TOP
THE SANTA SUIT

Release: Dec 10 - Review: 3 Jan 11

Cognitive dissonance retained for one more year...
Kevin Sorbo (HERCULES) dons another mystical suit and battles evil (corporate America).
TOP
SAVING PRIVATE RYAN

Release: Jul 98 - Review: 25 Aug 10

A Spielberg fantasy done horribly right.
After the surety of hand he displayed with disturbing violence in his Holocaust epic SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993), director Steven Spielberg turns his camera on a very American World War II story.
TOP

SAW

Release: Oct 04 - Review: 25 Dec 08

To Die For.

...the original SAW displays a depth to its cutting edges that raises it miles above the average bear-trap nipple-twister.
TOP

SAW II

Release: Oct 05 - Review: 12 Oct 09

Seen It Once, SAW It Again...
After this grand opening, though, SAW II (co-witten by SAW's writer, Leigh Whannell and the director, Darren Lynn Bousman) is on a tricycle downhill.
TOP

SAW III

Release: Oct 06 - Review: 29 Oct 09

Now it's just painful.
Okay, now it's officially gratuitous. SAW III begins the ruination of the SAW franchise.
TOP
THE SCHOOL OF ROCK

Release: Sep 03 - Review: 12 Aug 05

Tenacious D's Boy-Thunder Rides Hellacious and Raises The Goblet Of Rock.
Black trod that knife-edge between sociopath and savior, milking the storyline like a blue-ribbon set of udders, for the pleasure of rock burnouts of the Alice Cooper generation.
TOP
SECRETARY

Release: Nov 02 - Review: 13 Apr 10

The Love That Dares Speak Its Name.
Sado-masochism. Not easily understood. Too gutless to speaketh Its Taboo Name. Something so wrong - so right.
TOP
SEMI-PRO

Release: Feb 08 - Review: 28 Dec 11

SEMI-PRO is Mostly Amateur.

Will Ferrell shoots for another absurdist hoop and misses.
TOP
THE SENTINEL

Release: Apr 06 - Review: 26 Apr 06

Running Fast but Standing Still.
...an unevenly entertaining, bucking and diving, dodging and weaving affair, which intermittently excels when it relaxes its grip on trying to be too hip.
TOP

SEVEN POUNDS

Release: Dec 08 - Review: 15 Jun 09

Heavy.

It's Shakespearean, it's Biblical; it's a story that rivals the most tragic star-crossed lovers' tales of the ages and makes the grandest Hollywood romances look downright HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.
TOP

SEX & THE CITY

Release: May 08 - Review: 1 Jun 10

High Maintenance Harridans.
Four ugly women bitch and moan about men. The End.
TOP
SHALLOW HAL

Release: Nov 01 - Review: Jul 05

When Fat is Phat and Hot is Not
...a snide wink to the hotties in the audience that if the fatties and quadriplegics onscreen are amenable to "laughing at themselves" then we can laugh AT them also...
TOP
SHERLOCK HOLMES 2009

Release: Dec 09 - Review: 21 Nov 10

The Adventure of the Hero's Rebirth.
...not quite a reimagining of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's infamous British detective; more like a punch in the face. An analytical punch in the face.
TOP
SHOOT 'EM UP

Release: Sep 07 - Review: 4 Dec 08

Love it. Hate it. You won't fall asleep.
I mean, really! How sensible do you think a movie called SHOOT 'EM UP could possibly be?
TOP
SHOOTER

Release: Mar 07 - Review: 2 Apr 07

Shooter is Sharp but Misses the Marky.
...achieves that sensible balance between action, political skullduggery, pretty orange explosions and Mark Wahlberg's big guns (and I don't mean his military sniper rifles)...
TOP
SHUTTER ISLAND

Release: Feb 10 - Review: 3 Jul 11

Just dropped in - to see what condition my conditon was in...
SHUTTER ISLAND is not "scary," but creepy, disturbing and filled with enough tension and intrigue to drown a plush toy.
TOP
SICKO

Release: Jul 07 - Review: 18 Jul 07

In Sickness and In Wealth.
SICKO plants the seed of dissent in another area of our lives we’ve regarded with complacency – an aspect we’ve been programmed to believe is doing us right even as it does us morbidly wrong.
TOP
SIGNS

Release: Aug 02 - Review: 4 Apr 09

Cream of the Crop Circles.
...a beautifully crafted lesson in film "making"; creative angles, smart reveals, subtle foreshadowing, tension-filled tableaus, nuanced humor. No frame wasted, no scene superfluous, no Night un-Shyamalaned.
TOP
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE

Release: Jul 07 - Review: 17 Jan 09

Call of the Simpsons.

THE SIMPSONS MOVIE is pretty much a SIMPSONS television episode. No better, no worse. Just longer.
TOP
SINGLE WHITE FEMALE

Release: Aug 92 - Review: 23 Apr 11

When Roommates Go Tribade.
But seriously, who wouldn't stalk Bridget Fonda?
TOP
SKY HIGH

Release: Jul 05 - Review: 2 Oct 05

The Bastard Offspring of John Hughes and Joel Schumacher.
...elevates the hormonally-drenched pseudo-problems of libidinous, over-privileged, studiously-hip teens to the import of a United Nations Symposium on Global Oil Embargos...
TOP
SKYLINE

Release: Nov 10 - Review: 6 Sep 11

Invasion of the Puerile People Eaters.

Not again! Aliens invade Los Angeles! And this time - they're not Mexican.
TOP
SLEEPER

Release: Dec 73 - Review: 18 Apr 10

OrwelliAllen.
Woody Allen pays slapstick homage to Charlie Chaplin in this futuristic satire on totalitarian societies.
TOP
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Release: Jan 09 - Review: 1 Mar 09

Hip to be Slumdog.
Pommie Danny Boyle's kinetic vision, from the screaming slums of Bombay-soon-to-be-Mumbai; vibrant, shimmering, frenetic - but thank god no smell, otherwise the "ooweh" vomit sound...
TOP
SMOKIN' ACES

Release: Jan 07 - Review: 11 Feb 07

It's a mad mad mad mad assassination.
There is more unnecessary dialog here than in the Pam and Tommy sex tape.
TOP
SNATCH

Release: Jan 01- Review: 5 Sep 06

SNATCH will grab.
...SNATCH is a Molotov cocktail of a movie; a careening, chain-wielding maniac of a film.
TOP
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

Release: Dec 37 - Review: 17 Jul 11

Idiotic romance, annoying choirs, dwarfed by mind-blowing animation.
... a magnificent technical achievement, setting the bar for the industry the world over. And it is still a marvel to view.
TOP
THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Release: Oct 10 - Review: 20 Feb 11

Revenge of the Nerd.
Eisenberg is boy-genius Mark Zuckerberg, creator of the most insidious computer virus since electricity was invented - Facebook.
TOP
THE SOLOIST

Release: Apr 09 - Review: 29 Oct 09

Biting The Hand That Exploits You.
Nathaniel Ayers is not a genius in any sense of the word. Still, in Hollywood, you don't have to be a genius to make it - just have a story worth telling.
TOP
SOMETHING THE LORD MADE

Release: May 04 - Review: 30 Dec 09

I Heart Heart Surgery.
...addresses an aspect so embedded in our modern culture we take it for granted - the story of the first heart bypass surgeries.
TOP
SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

Release: Dec 03 - Review: 13 Aug 10

Something's gotta give - Jack's heart, Diane's hips, or my patience.
The young audience who usually falls for romantic fluff don't really want to see their grandparents grinding. And the old folk for whom this movie resonates should know better.
TOP
THE SONG OF BERNADETTE

Release: Dec 43 - Review: 27 Jul 08

Song Sung Kazoo.
One of humanity’s greatest miracles: a miracle that the world heeded an 1858 French peasant nutjob, Bernadette Soubirous, who claimed to have seen 18 “visions” of Virgin Mary near Lourdes...
TOP
THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME

Release: Oct 76 - Review: 24 Nov 10

The Piper's calling you to join him...

Enigmatic, visceral, inspiring, Led Zeppelin's 1976 concert film at Madison Square Garden remains a towering monolith by which all other concert films are measured.

TOP
THE SOPRANOS SEASON 3-30: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

Release: Feb 01 - Review: 19 Mar 01

The Anti-Social Truth behind the Socially-Acceptable Fiction.
...touched upon that raw nerve that scares society into viewing itself as it really is; where Justice is truly only a euphemism for revenge.
TOP
THE SOPRANOS SEASON 3-32: UNIVERSITY

Release: Feb 01 - Review: 3 Apr 01

Bringing True Violence to the Simulated Screen.
...the nature of True Violence is explored graphically, in a story constructed with such precious care that it impacts our atrophied sensibilities in the most livid manner.
TOP
THE SOPRANOS SEASON 3-38: AMOUR FOU

Release: Feb 01 - Review: 3 Apr 01

Women Be Crazy.
Only women can get away with the brainlessness they so openly exhibit toward men - whenever a woman does so, its extremity is in direct correlation with how self-important and attractive she believes herself to be.
TOP
A SOUND OF THUNDER

Release: Sep 05 - Review: 24 Nov 09

A Sound of Chunder.
... for which Bradbury should sue the pants and underpants and ass-hairs off these filmmakers.
TOP
SOURCE CODE

Release: Apr 11 - Review: 6 May 11

Riding the Lightning Across the (Parallel) Universe.
DONNIE DARKO brings his penchant for skipping across parallel universes to the twisted love-child of INCEPTION and GROUNDHOG DAY.
TOP
SPACE COWBOYS

Release: Aug 2000 - Review: 17 Jan 06

American Hero Sandwich.
Eastwood explores - through his laconic wit and casually-paced, character-driven style - exactly what makes these implausible candidates for this mission such plausible Heroes.
TOP
SPANGLISH

Release: Dec 04 - Review: 1 Jan 06

Renaissance Sandler.
Boy Sandler actually portrays a Real Human in SPANGLISH - a well-rounded, successful husband and father, as far removed from any of his other roles as Rob Schneider is from comedy.
TOP
THE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP

Release: May 10 - Review: 24 Jun 10

Blair and Bubba: A Love Story.
A touching bromance between two heads of state.
TOP
SPECIES

Release: Jul 95 - Review: 28 Jun 09

Darwin never looked so good.
It's ALIEN with a spectacular pair of natural knockers.
TOP
SPEED

Release: Jun 94 - Review: 14 Feb 10

Driving Miss Dazey.
We could complain about the unreality of taking hard right turns at 50 mph, or the physics impossibility of a laden bus jumping a freeway chasm without an approach ramp, or the fact that Keanu couldn't possibly consider his performance "acting" - but everyone's just having way too much fun.
TOP
SPIDER-MAN 2002

Release: May 02 - Review: Jun 02

Hangin' With The Big Boys.
SPIDER-MAN joins the pantheon of underpanted heroes whom the movie forum has portrayed as mightily as their bulging quadriceps...
TOP
SPIDER-MAN 2

Release: Jun 04 - Review: 6 Feb 07

Spider Sense-tingling.
Grander, faster, slicker than its predecessor, director Sam Raimi's SPIDER-MAN 2 is more action-packed, more thrill-rided, more rollercoastered than SPIDER-MAN...
TOP
SPIDER-MAN 3

Release: May 07 - Review: 20 May 07

Really Swingin'.
...a swingin' soiree; a chill-er thriller ladykiller that tops both its previous incarnations with smooth-headed, web-spangling adventure and vibrant, flesh-colored emotion.
TOP
SPLICE

Release: Jun 10 - Review: 13 Feb 11

Hunting Humans.
A gene-spliced organism causes havoc for the two scientists who created it, due to the organism's predatory nature and the way it was created with the unethical splicing of human genes... but mostly because it looks like a hot naked French model.
TOP
 
St Sy
THE STAND

Release: May 1994 - Review: 9 Jun 05

My Favorite Martian versus Garth Brooks.
To the chagrin of a billion readers, director Mick Garris and the tome's author himself, Stephen King (as executive producer, screenwriter, and actor), offer us a vapid tv visualization of the book, diminishing all its epic impact.
TOP
STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE

Release: Dec 79 - Review: 6 Aug 09

Attack of The Motionless Picture.
...a plodding masterpiece; brains but no balls; a whole lotta nothing, to say a small lotta something.
TOP
STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN

Release: Jun 82 - Review: 6 Aug 09

Yes We Khaaaaan!

Can we find anyone in the galaxy who can chew more cheese onscreen than James Tiberius Kirk?
TOP
STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK

Release: Jun 84 - Review: 7 Aug 09

The Search for Plot.
The rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated.
TOP
STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME

R
elease: Nov 86 - Review: 30 Apr 08

Camping in a Row of Future Tense.
I could say this movie was “a whale of a time” but it wasn’t really. Starting with a promising premise, as the story unfolded, it quickly lost its porpoise.
TOP
STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Release: Jun 89 - Review: 8 Aug 09

The Final Affront Here.
Shatner directs! Oh, what a marvelous disaster!
TOP
STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY

Release: Dec 91 - Review: 9 Dec 09

Deeper Than Deep Space.
TREK VI would take us where no TREK has gone before, exploring disturbing themes and ethical conundrums, making sociological references from the whole spectrum of history and literature, and the principal cast pretend-acting better than they've ever pretended to act before.
TOP
STAR TREK GENERATIONS

Release: Nov 94 - Review: 6 Sep 09

Generation Pap.
... made to showcase the TREK TV spinoff, THE NEXT GENERATION; instead, the singular event on all our minds is how Kirk is going to eat it.
TOP
STAR TREK 2009

Release: May 09 - Review: 20 Jun 09

All-New, All-Improved, Same-ole Same-ole.

If this don't keep the fanboys happy, nothin' will.
TOP
STAR WARS I: THE PHANTOM MENACE

Release: May 99 - Review: 4 May 09

A Legend unravels...
And like Big Government, PHANTOM MENACE talks too much, dazzles with special effects, overdoses on misdirection - and says nothing.
TOP
STAR WARS II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Release: May 02 - Review: Jul 02

CGI = Cast Grossly Inessential.
...superfluous computer graphic imagery stuns you into almost not laughing at the hamhanded attempts at characterization and kindergarten dialog in this vacuous corporate merchandising advertisement thinly-disguised as a movie.
TOP
STAR WARS III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Release: May 05 - Review: May 05

The Sith Hits The Fans: A Cultural Calamity.
...is darker than other STAR WARS episodes in the sense that "Scooby Doo Meets Dracula" is darker than "Scooby Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters".
TOP
STAR WARS IV: A NEW HOPE

Release: May 77 - Review: 16 May 07

A Legend Begins… from the middle…
...a revelation and a revolution. There will never be anything like it again.
TOP
STAR WARS V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Release: May 80 - Review: 18 Jun 07

Empirical Satirical.
The series would never again scale these lofty heights of grand dramatic slam. THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, brimming with hilarity, humanity and paternity, is the best of the STAR WARS series.
TOP
STAR WARS VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI

Release: May 83 - Review: 27 Jun 09

The Jedi Mind(less) Trick.

In the last of the STAR WARS hexology, the Galactic Empire has returned with another planet-sized space station to terrorize the galaxy. And the Rebel Alliance has returned to break it.
TOP
STATE OF PLAY

Release: Apr 09 - Review: 25 Sep 09

ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN meets Blackwater.

Writer Mathew Michael Carnahan once again displays his uncanny Beltway underbelly knowledge and knack for conjuring compelling stories from dry political duplicity.
TOP
STEP BROTHERS

Release: Jul 08 - Review: 10 Aug 09

Steps in it.
Will Ferrel as Adam Sandler and John C. Reilly as a funny Will Ferrel.
TOP
STEP INTO LIQUID

Release: Jan 06 - Review: 7 Sep 10

Liquid Assets.
Dana Brown's tribute to board-dom is not just an esoteric in-gag for surfers. It embraces every one of us citizens of the shore alike and flings us headlong into the passion...
TOP
STOP-LOSS

Release: Mar 08 - Review: 22 Nov 08

Nothing Stops the Loss.

The Stop-Loss program is exactly what it sounds like: a fine print clause in military contracts to stop the loss of American troops from active service - by forcing them back onto the death fields at the behest of the Murderer in Chief.
TOP
A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE

Release: 1951 - Review: 3 Oct 05

A Juggernaut Named Brando.
There are three reasons for watching A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE: Brando. Brando. Brando.
TOP
STREETS OF FIRE

Release: Jun 84 - Review: 1 Mar 11

Rock and Roll Fable Disable.

Like one of the songs that salubrious Diane Lane lip-syncs, the movie goes Nowhere Fast.
TOP
THE SUM OF ALL FEARS

R
elease: May 02 - Review: 30 Jan 04

Ford Power.
Not since Marky Mark replaced Charlton Heston in Tim Burton's remarkable film about ape-poo, has there been such an inadequate, impotent re-imagining of a well-known filmic character.
TOP
SUPER

Release: Apr 11 - Review: 22 Oct 11

Super Dupe-r.
...seems just another plagiaristic permutation of Hero-Without-Powers, but there is a touching pathos to Frank that all us downtrodden mortals can relate to...
TOP
SUPER SIZE ME

Release: May 04 - Review: 20 Oct 09

Eat It To Death.

SUPER SIZE ME is not simply a clinical annotating of one man's personable and engaging take on the putrefaction of his innards. It is as informative as it is entertaining. It is as funny as it is indicting.
TOP
SUPERBAD

Release: Aug 07 - Review: 23 Mar 09

Superbad: The Quest for Piece.
All previous dork-to-chick movies now lack any bite when held up to SUPERBAD's bullet-train urgency, modern crudeness and razorburn truths, like a bear trap slamming over your scrote.
TOP
SUPERMAN

Release: Dec 78 - Review: 11 Jul 06

One Part Steel, Two Parts Cheese.
When it's good, SUPERMAN, like its hero, is super. When it's bad, it is cheesier than a German cheese festival.
TOP
SUPERMAN II

Release: Jul 81 - Review: 9 Dec 06

It's a bird. It's plain. It's not super, man.
SUPERMAN II is two movies mashed together to make HALF a movie.
TOP
SUPERMAN II: THE RICHARD DONNER CUT

Release: Nov 06 - Review: 1 Aug 10

The Donner Party.
Released on DVD in 2006 on the strength of fan uproar, THE RICHARD DONNER CUT is better than the Richard Lester debacle. But not by much.
TOP
SUPERMAN III

Release: Jun 83 - Review: 8 Jul 10

The Last Gasp of the Last Son of Krypton.
It's a Richard Pryor movie starring Superman. No, it's a Superman movie starring Richard Pryor. Whatever it is, no one's taking SUPERMAN III seriously.
TOP
SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE

Release: Jul 87 - Review: 2 Dec 10

When super boy scouts bring peacenik fascism.
And the sad part is: Christopher Reeve would never get the chance to atone for all the waterheads around him who sullied the majestic concept that he alone would remain the Face of.
TOP
SUPERMAN RETURNS

Release: Jun 06 - Review: 4 Jul 06

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back.
... merely a retelling of Richard Donner's 1978 SUPERMAN for the iPod generation.
TOP
Read Poffy's Review
SURF'S UP

Release: Jun 07 - Review: 28 Jun 07

SURF'S UP, Up and Away.
Despite its mundane title, SURF'S UP is a totally tubular surfari of relentless comedy and madboy cuteness.
TOP
SURROGATES

Release: Sep 09 - Review: 7 Mar 10

Rage Against The Machines.
Into this world where we poke, surf, tweet, blog, smile, frown, pillow fight - all without actually DOING any of it - comes a movie showing us exactly what would happen if our computers really could poke, surf, blog, smile, frown and pillow fight for us.
TOP
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS

Release: Oct 04 - Review: 28 May 06

Surviving Affleck.
... serves as yet another unfortunate example of James Gandolfini proving what a great actor he is whilst simultaneously besmirching his career by acting in this film.
TOP
SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET

Release: Dec 07 - Review: 8 Jan 08

Slashing Singing Scissorhands.
Violent, gruesome, blackly hilarious, deliriously entertaining, director Tim Burton’s vision of SWEENEY TODD is a wild cry of bloodlust put to song.
TOP
SWING VOTE

Release: Aug 08 - Review: 14 Dec 11

Blockheading the vote.
Plot of SWING VOTE is stupider than a session of the United States Congress...
TOP
SYRIANA

Release: Dec 05 - Review: 31 Dec 05

Oil Is Not Well.
Stephen Gaghan uses the neck-snapping plotline to illustrate how oil machinations on a global level affect lives on a personal level.
TOP
 
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Poffy The Cucumber is copyrighted to Jon Dunmore © 2005, and the character and his name may not be used without permission.
"Poffy The Cucumber's Movie Mania" is the official website of Poffy The Cucumber
© and a division of Egomania Records ®.
All movie reviews are the original work of Jon Dunmore and may not be duplicated
without permission. Plagiarism is an offense punishable by being slapped senseless with a cabbage.


Top of Page