HOLLYWOOD OR BUST

Poffy The Cucumber

A Road Movie for the End Of The Road. Dean walked one way, I walked the other, and we never saw each other again. — Jerry Lewis, on the final Martin and Lewis show at the Copacabana New York, 1956. Way back in their second film, MY FRIEND IRMA GOES WEST (Jul 1950), Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis boarded a … Read More

PARDNERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Partners, Buddies, Pals… at least, onscreen. Jerry and Dean in the Wild West! PARDNERS, the penultimate musical comedy from Martin and Lewis opens with Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis as two aged cowboys named Slim Mosely and Wade Kingsley, in a shootout to retain their property against the marauding Dan Hollis gang, who want to take it by force. Their … Read More

THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN

Poffy The Cucumber

Rex Mex. Cowboys and dinosaurs! In a small Mexican town, a square-jawed American cattle rancher with a suitably steel-chested name (Guy Madison as Jimmy) puts the moves on Sarita (Patricia Medina), the whitest Mexican girl in town, who happens to be betrothed to powerful Mexican cattle owner Enrique (Eduardo Noriega – not the modern Spanish dreamboat, the old Mexican actor). … Read More

RODAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla with wings. Prehistoric Pteranodon destroys Japanese city. Military weapons have no effect on it. Burying it under a volcano works though. Such is the prosaic plot behind RODAN, a Japanese monster movie made while Godzilla wasn’t looking. The movie itself has its strong points, due to the talent involved – literally, the full team that brought us the original … Read More

HELEN OF TROY

Poffy The Cucumber

Jane of Troy. Well, we’ve got to give it points for excess epicness. It can’t be easy to scare up a cast of thousands and get them all to walk in one direction at the same time. We’re talking planning maximus. Unfortunately, HELEN OF TROY comes off as all planning, no maximus. Sexyboy Paris of Troy (Jack Sernas) steals away … Read More

GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Trying to fix something that ain’t broke – and breaking it. No, it’s NOT just the same movie re-edited. I speak for all cucumber reviewers when I contend – nay, insist – that the 1956 American re-edit of GODZILLA (1954), re-titled GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS, cannot, must not and should NEVER be reviewed with the original, even as a … Read More

WORLD WITHOUT END

Poffy The Cucumber

World Without Clue. A rocketship carrying four men on a recon mission to Mars malfunctions on its return journey, entering a time-warp and landing on Earth 500 years in the future. WORLD WITHOUT END is one of those classic 1950s space movies that has no clue that it doesn’t have a clue: a rocket shaped like a missile, four explorers … Read More

SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME

Poffy The Cucumber

The Passion of the Goombah. If you can get past Paul Newman’s insufferable “schoolyard Italian” SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME is… well, it’s still pretty mediocre. It’s a tribute to boxing legend Rocky Graziano, his street youth, his thug life, his Army AWOL, his boxing career under the name “Graziano” (real name Thomas Rocco Barbella), his insipid love life with … Read More

MOBY DICK

Poffy The Cucumber

Taming the Beast of Man. Call me Moby. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – I thought I would swim about and see the watery part of the world. So there I am, big white sperm whale, enjoying the ocean green, going about my whaley business, when along comes Cap’n Ahab and harpoons me! Without so much … Read More