KING KONG LIVES

Poffy The Cucumber

If by “Lives” you mean “Dies.” King Kong dies in more ways than one. Dying is easy, making rubber suits look authentic is hard. Emboldened, we presume, by the cult status of the GODZILLA franchise, the De Laurentiis Entertainment Group suits up an American actor in an ape suit for KING KONG LIVES, a direct sequel to KING KONG 1976. … Read More

TOP GUN

Poffy The Cucumber

Highway to the Gayer Zone. TOP GUN – the movie that wrested the crown from MAD MAX 2: THE ROAD WARRIOR as the Gayest Movie Ever Made. Tom Cruise is Maverick, the pop gun let loose in billion dollar taxpayer war machinery, one of the best fancypants F14 Tomcat pilots stationed onboard an aircraft carrier, though so smug, irritating and … Read More

JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS

Poffy The Cucumber

Ménage à Ted. What happens when two MILFs discover they’re bonking the same man? Unbridled pouting. In JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS, MILF #1, Sandy (Christine Lahti), befriends MILF #2, her aerobics instructor Holly (TV legend Mary Tyler Moore), only to discover, through a series of mildly comic circumstances, that they are both involved with the same man – #2’s husband, Chip … Read More

STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME

Poffy The Cucumber

Camping in a Row of Future Tense. I could say this movie was “a whale of a time” but it wasn’t really. Starting with a promising premise, as the story unfolded, it quickly lost its porpoise. (Somebody slap me.) Continuing where STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK left off (sometime in the 23rd century), in STAR TREK IV: THE … Read More

ALIENS

Poffy The Cucumber

The Warrior/Goddess Dichotomy and the Eternal Feminine. ALIENS! Leaping, screeching, hissing, grabbing – hellish armies of H.R. Giger’s inscrutable extra-terrestrial life forms, swarming killing machines going elongated-head to jar-head with the United States Marines (Roger Ramjet Space Division, Glib Company). Writer-Director James Cameron helms this sequel to one of the landmark space/horror films of our time, ALIEN (1979). And it … Read More

CROCODILE DUNDEE

Poffy The Cucumber

From Barbecued Shrimps to New York Pimps and Boyfriend Wimps. Growing up in Australia, I knew of Paul Hogan since the mid ’70s. A regular face on Australian TV with his reasonably funny PAUL HOGAN SHOW, he was the paragon of the ocker Everyman. (“Ocker” is an uncultivated Australian; one of low social caste, revealed through their broad accent and … Read More

HIGHLANDER

Poffy The Cucumber

Sharp as a Katana, Breezy as a Kilt. There is an important scene missing in the American cut of HIGHLANDER: During World War II, MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) finds an orphaned little girl hiding amongst ruins. When a Nazi guns them down, his body shields hers, absorbing the bullets, and they both fall. In answer to her amazed, “You’re still alive?”, … Read More