MOVIE 43

Poffy The Cucumber

Disgusting Inappropriate Filthy Hilarious Hellspawn Godsend. Specifically designed to make you call your Congressman and complain, MOVIE 43 will offend, distress, embarrass, infuriate, ejaculate, and give you anal warts. Not your average ensemble cast movie where everyone is trying to be more serious than their peers in order to win that Golden Globe, MOVIE 43 takes its A-Listers, jams them … Read More

THE DICTATOR

Poffy The Cucumber

For To Make Democratize in America. In the grand tradition of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visiting Columbia University in 2007 and denying the Holocaust, claiming Iran has no gays and lets women roam free with equal rights, so too is Wadiya’s dictator Hafez Aladeen, granted all courtesies when visiting the United Nations to extol the virtues of his oppressive Middle … Read More

MARGIN CALL

Poffy The Cucumber

Shark Poop Swim Eat. Beautifully staged, excellently performed and brilliantly explained, J.C. Chandor’s conference-table thriller is about the financial crash of 2008, and the 700 billion dollar American bailout that followed. But nowhere does MARGIN CALL give us a date, place or corporation name; it shows us AnyCompany, Inc., populated by AnySharks dealing with EveryOne’s money. It is a story … Read More

THE LAST AIRBENDER

Poffy The Cucumber

Bender me this, Bender! What is a Bender? the petulant anarchist Judd Nelson in THE BREAKFAST CLUB; the alcoholic, kleptomaniac robot in FUTURAMA; a homosexual man; getting stoned on alcohol or drugs for a sustained period of time; an exceptionally bad hockey player; a tumescent penis; a curveball; to shit oneself; a person who can affect the elements at will; … Read More

THE PROPOSAL

Poffy The Cucumber

I Do. Not. A vanilla THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA meets an idiotic GREEN CARD. Did Sandra Bullock learn nothing from her 1995 movie WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING? Here she goes again, blatantly lying about her supposed boyfriend to her supposed boyfriend’s family, to cover an empty life of lovelessness. Predictable? Check. Funny? Check. Cute little white dog named Kevin? Check. … Read More

GHOST TOWN

Poffy The Cucumber

Afterlife Strife. Leonard Maltin’s splash-review for GHOST TOWN reads, “Clever, Heartfelt and Funny!” (Don’t you love the way they capitalize the adjectives like they’re proper nouns?) As much as I loathe splash-reviews, Maltin is right.Though his four-word splash is somewhat less egregious than the one-word splash (“Terrific!” – New York Times; “Spellbinding” – People Magazine; and the most egregious of … Read More

SPIDER-MAN 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Spider Sense-tingling. Grander, faster, slicker than its predecessor, director Sam Raimi’s SPIDER-MAN 2 is more action-packed, more thrill-rided, more rollercoastered than SPIDER-MAN (2002) – but though its plaudits stretch skyscraper tall, its demerits run Mariana Trench deep. Based loosely on the comicbook episode Spider-man No More, plot finds Dr. Otto Octavius (Alfred Molina, in strapping scenery-chewing mien) “tampering in God’s … Read More