UNBROKEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Well, maybe just a little Broken… Angelina Jolie directs UNBROKEN, the tale of an average Olympic runner/American soldier, Louis Zamperini (1917-2014), who survives insurmountable odds to make it through World War II alive. Whereupon he resumes his average life. Right outa the gate, Jolie’s direction is marvelous! It’s dynamic and detailed, and she’s doing her mentors proud with this, her … Read More

UNFRIENDED

Poffy The Cucumber

Ominous Stranger in a Video Chat: A Bug’s Life. UNFRIENDED takes place in a world where surfing is not really surfing, tweeting is not really tweeting, and friends are not really friends – the computer. A dead friend on facebook joins a video chat with six other high school friends, and one by one, makes them kill themselves. Go, Unoriginal … Read More

COLIN QUINN: UNCONSTITUTIONAL

Poffy The Cucumber

ColinQuinnUnconstitutional_

Deconstructionist Instructionist. Standup comedian Colin Quinn flexes his brain bone – and incites Americans to flex theirs – in this refreshingly intelligent take on the U.S. constitution. Now all we need is for Congress to grow a brain and listen to him. UNCONSTITUTIONAL finds the Noo Yawk raconteur in his finest form. Ever. Always been a fan of Colin Quinn’s … Read More

UNBREAKABLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Irresponsible Force meets Unbreakable Object. Quentin Tarantino provided the best logline for M. Night Shyamalan‘s UNBREAKABLE. In his characteristically compelling storytelling way, he puts it – even better than the actual ad campaign – “What if Superman was here on Earth and didn’t know he was Superman?” That’s UNBREAKABLE broken down. If there is, in fact, a “super” gene, it … Read More

THE UNDEFEATED

Poffy The Cucumber

Set to Spin: How Sarah Palin Saved America by Losing the Election. Sarah Palin, the most polarizing and laughable “politician” to ever shamelessly, undeservedly grace a world stage, has her laundry cleaned in this spin-doctored hallelujah chorus. When she ran for the vice presidency of the United States in 2008, she was defeated; when she returned to her post as … Read More

UNSTOPPABLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Train-ing Day. “In training they just give you an ‘F.’ Out here you get killed!” — Denzel in UNSTOPPABLE. Didn’t Denzel say that in his Oscar-winning TRAINING DAY? Same thing applies here in UNSTOPPABLE, a kinetic, racing steel headrush about an out-of-control, unmanned freight train a half-mile long, loaded with explosives, headed for the city of Pennsylvania. And only Denzel … Read More

THE UGLY TRUTH

Poffy The Cucumber

Uglier than we can imagine. THE UGLY TRUTH seems to be telling us that strong, intelligent women are not desirable, or at least, not as alluring as eye-candy T&A who exhibit only as much brainpower as required to breathe and fuck. Why does the movie make its leading lady an ambitious, intelligent, decisive woman until she is in the proximity … Read More

UNTHINKABLE

Poffy The Cucumber

The punishing stupidity of punishing stupidity. Many ways to view the torture-driven thriller UNTHINKABLE (now remember we’re trying to be neutral thinkers, objectively assessing the twisted unsolvable issues of religion and politics, so no man-acclaimed institutions should be capitalized): To show they mean business, authorities torture a person threatening to murder thousands. A muslim plants three nuclear bombs in three … Read More

UP IN THE AIR

Poffy The Cucumber

Loner Class. UP IN THE AIR is that rare chick-centric movie that doesn’t make me want to vomit or slap someone. It is a story about love, but it’s not a Love Story; it’s a movie about romance, but it’s not a Romantic Movie; it takes us on a bucking and diving flight across the landscape of human emotions and … Read More

UP

Poffy The Cucumber

Two Thumbs UP. The madmen at Pixar once again prove themselves the best storytellers on the planet. Or off it. UP is a unique animated adventure that follows crusty retiree Carl (voiced by Ed Asner) on his adventures in trying to float his house with thousands of balloons to his dream locale. Another humbling display of Pixar’s incredible grasp of … Read More

UNDERWORLD

Poffy The Cucumber

Overwrought Underworld. Guns, Gore and Grrrrrls in growling leather. UNDERWORLD gives a shot in the arm, so to speak, to the vampire and werewolf iconographies, updating/reimagining both to be in an ongoing millennia-aged war that is escalating, plopping them in modern day Europe (or somewhere with underground rail transport and rain that won’t quit) with automatic weapons and computers. And … Read More

UNLAWFUL ENTRY

Poffy The Cucumber

Creepy Eyes stalks Sexy Eyes and Doe Eyes. Even when Ray Liotta plays a good guy, he’s still kinda creepy. In UNLAWFUL ENTRY, Liotta is unbalanced cop, Officer Pete Davis, who terrorizes a break-in victim, Michael Carr (Kurt Russell), for a piece of Michael’s wife, Karen (Madeline Stowe, who is just asking for it by being Madeline Stowe). So he’s … Read More

THE U.S. VS JOHN LENNON

Poffy The Cucumber

Working Class Hero. David Leaf’s and John Scheinfeld’s THE U.S. VS. JOHN LENNON is an insular little diversion, showcasing Lennon’s post-Beatles period when his activist voice made the United States government tremble in its widdle booties. Taking a stand against the Viet Nam War (back in the day when “peacenik” was not a four-letter word), allying with activists Abbie Hoffman, … Read More

UNITED 93

Poffy The Cucumber

United They Fall. Oh, stop whining! UNITED 93 was bound to bring out the bitch in politically-gutless 2006 America: any issue that invokes the oh-so-hip splash-appellation “9-11” is like a hog call to every uninformed swine with two cents worth of a knee-jerk conspiracy theory. But beyond the whines of “too soon” and “disrespect” and “exploitation” is the sheer raw … Read More

UNFORGIVEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Let’s get one thing straight: There are those uneducated few of this Earth who contend that UNFORGIVEN is merely a “boring western.” Rest assured I am systematically hunting down these deviants and canceling their membership to Blockbuster Video – permanently. If you know what I mean. If you are one these few – remember, I am watching you. And I … Read More