BREAKING BAD SEASON ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Another Fine Meth You’ve Gotten Us Into, Yo! BREAKING BAD is about a man who finds his balls. Walter White (Bryan Cranston) is a middle class suburban chemistry teacher with a wife and crippled son, who discovers he has cancer, and stumbles into a situation that allows him to create inordinate wealth to provide for his family before he dies … Read More

ROCK OF AGES

Poffy The Cucumber

Crock of Ages. My flesh was crawling so vividly during every minute of the mindless, sanitized, second-rate karaoke movie ROCK OF AGES that by the time it ended I was sitting in one seat and my flesh was four seats over. I would sincerely like to kick this movie to death. This whole concept is a MISTAKE. From the Broadway … Read More

GODZILLA 2014

Poffy The Cucumber

Kaiju in battle for Gojira-san so mighty ooaah! Giant creatures threaten San Francisco and Kick-Ass is there to stop them! GODZILLA 2014 reinvents reimagines regurgitates the King of the Monsters on American shores (and tries to take insidious credit for the property, with its “American Godzilla” tag – assholes!) Exemplary production values separate it from every single other GODZILLA movie … Read More

JOHN CARTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Big Green Men. Barsoom. That’s what they should have called this movie. Barsoom – the name the Martian natives call their planet. Barsoom – the tale of a reluctant Earth soldier transported to Mars, who embraces his role as a warrior leader in a civil war between two Martian tribes. (The fact that an hourglass-shaped princess is making Martian eyes … Read More

ARGO

Poffy The Cucumber

The Year of Living Hollywoodly. When your facial hair says yes and your fashion sense says no – that’s ARGO. Ben Affleck does battle with his beard for top billing as CIA “exfiltration” expert Tony Mendez, trying to extract six American fugitives from Iran during a political insurgency. (When is there NOT a political insurgency in Iran? Can someone call … Read More