THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

Poffy The Cucumber

Signage Pwnage. After a murder investigation goes cold, the mother of the murdered girl purchases advertising on THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI to turn up the heat on the local sheriff, by reminding the town of his neglect: RAPED WHILE DYING AND STILL NO ARRESTS? HOW COME, CHIEF WILLOUGHBY? It’s not a murder mystery, it’s not a cop drama, it’s … Read More

HAIL, CAESAR!

Poffy The Cucumber

Would that it were so sequitur. Maybe the fault is mine. Maybe I just don’t “get” the Coen Brothers’ vision of the world’s randomness and disjointedness, but here’s another of their writer-director efforts where I just can’t see the point, unless it’s to make George Clooney look like a lovable buffoon again. Or to watch Channing Tatum dance. In both … Read More

DARKMAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Liam Neeson’s first encounter with the dark side… of acting! Back before Sam Raimi knew how to direct, and before Liam Neeson knew how to act, there was a patchy, deformed quilt of sophomoric acting and gloved-thumb editing called DARKMAN. Supposedly a “superhero” movie, now a cult film, DARKMAN has dated badly since its 1990 release (a release date that … Read More

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

Poffy The Cucumber

Big things breaking bigger things. I’m sure the budget of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON could wipe out Liberia’s deficit, so why can’t they afford passable look-alikes for Kennedy and Obama? And while they’re at it, how about a more adept graphic designer, so that when we see a picture of Obama and LeBeouf together, it DOESN’T look Photoshopped?! Director … Read More

SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE

Poffy The Cucumber

Something’s gotta give – Jack’s heart, Diane’s hips, or my patience. Two white, upper class American senior citizens are thrown together, hate each other, and eventually fall in love. State of romantic comedy in America… yawn. Erica (Diane Keaton) hates Harry (Jack Nicholson) because he dates her daughter (Amanda Peet), and he demeans her for being stuck-up. He owns record … Read More

BURN AFTER READING

Poffy The Cucumber

Guy Ritchie without the Two Smoking Barrels. At times funny, at times frenetic, at times foolish, BURN AFTER READING is mostly a lost opportunity with a great ensemble cast. Brad Pitt is a goofball Valley Boy (ten years too old for the role), saying “shit” to his heart’s content, as John Malkovich is a recently-fired CIA agent (perfect for the … Read More