JACKASS 3.5

Poffy The Cucumber

Turds making turds. During the “Flaming Gauntlet” stunt in JACKASS 3.5, I realized that none of the stunts that Johnny Knoxville’s neurologically disordered brood perform are meant to succeed. The stunts have no training behind them, no practice, no Plan B; the brood enter into these stunts with their brains on standby and their balls braced for impact. In this … Read More

JACKASS 3D

Poffy The Cucumber

Diary of a Douchebag. Johnny Knoxville leads his troupe of professional sado-masochists through another array of idiotic stunts in JACKASS 3D, that I’m guessing is for the purpose of: a) getting themselves killed; b) satisfying their torture-porn kink; c) touching each others’ balls. “Professional” because these guys are somehow getting paid to perform these stupid, elaborate stunts, and “sado-masochists” because … Read More

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 2014

Poffy The Cucumber

Shelling to a new generation. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES have been around as a merchandising product forever! In a long list of TMNT comicbooks, cartoons and movies, this 2014 reboot is the latest iteration and definitely the turtliest. Four ninja mutant turtle teenagers (“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!”) must stop a bladed samurai criminal intent … Read More

SNL 40

Poffy The Cucumber

Celebrating 40 Years of Stunning Mediocrity. The American comedy institution SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE continues its tradition of not being funny, by throwing a 40th Anniversary Special and not being funny. SNL 40 is not only Not Funny, it’s embarrassing, pathetic and painful. Why do these people put themselves through this? Why do they put US through this? Why do audiences … Read More

JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA .5

Poffy The Cucumber

Peeking in Grandpa’s Back Door. A “Making Of” reel for BAD GRANDPA, BAD GRANDPA .5 is quite an interesting companion piece, filled with outtakes, interviews, behind the scenes footage and deleted scenes of Irving Zisman (Johnny Knoxville in oldguy makeup) creating socially-impure havoc. In a package more professionally presented than any of the previous JACKASS straight-to-video “extras” movies, BAD GRANDPA … Read More

JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA

Poffy The Cucumber

Old Fart, New Trousers. The JACKASS team bring one of their rabble-rousing characters from the TV show to the big screen: Grandpa Irving Zisman aka Johnny Knoxville in oldguy makeup. Tearing up civil society in hidden-camera anti-social fervor. As Jackass-based media goes, it’s the most cogent of the lot; as hidden camera media, Sacha Baron Cohen does it better. The … Read More

THE LAST STAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Arnold’s Back! And he’s… uh, just a guy. He conquered Thulsa Doom, hunted down a Predator and terminated Terminators. Now, Arnold Schwarzenegger faces his greatest foe – a Spanish guy in a sports car. In THE LAST STAND, Arnold is affable Sheriff Bloaty who runs the bucolic town Last Stop Before Freedom with a neighborly pat on the behind. It’s … Read More

MOVIE 43

Poffy The Cucumber

Disgusting Inappropriate Filthy Hilarious Hellspawn Godsend. Specifically designed to make you call your Congressman and complain, MOVIE 43 will offend, distress, embarrass, infuriate, ejaculate, and give you anal warts. Not your average ensemble cast movie where everyone is trying to be more serious than their peers in order to win that Golden Globe, MOVIE 43 takes its A-Listers, jams them … Read More

JACKASS 2.5

Poffy The Cucumber

See what idiots with movie contracts are capable of – not much. Okay, at this stage, someone really needs to stop me beating the shit out of Johnny Knoxville for this lame excuse of a polished turd he calls a “movie.” Trouble is, he’d enjoy it. Knoxville (the “brains” behind JACKASS) and director Jeff Tremaine (JACKASS: THE MOVIE, JACKASS NUMBER … Read More

JACKASS NUMBER TWO

Poffy The Cucumber

More Jockstraps, More Beer. Johnny Knoxville and his crew of masochists do more stupid stuff which hurts them badly and could get them killed – and film it. Number Two in name, number two in nature. But of course, they meant it that way. And that’s what scares me… JACKASS NUMBER TWO is so funny and so unnecessary that I’m … Read More

JACKASS: THE MOVIE

Poffy The Cucumber

Jockstraps and Beer. If human civilization is to retain any semblance of forward momentum, never let our children see JACKASS: THE MOVIE. Matter of fact, once you’ve seen it yourself, burn your copy and wash your genitals. With a bravado that most of us relinquish at age twelve, Johnny Knoxville and his near-equals in brain-deficiency offer innumerable hideously-filmed vignettes of … Read More