THOR: RAGNAROK

Poffy The Cucumber

ThorRagnarok_pic5

Comedy of Errors. THOR: RAGNAROK finds almighty Asgard, the Realm of the Gods, annihilated, as foretold by prophecy older than time. Oh, and Thor becomes a standup comedian. Bathos, noun: an abrupt and often ludicrous transition from the elevated to the ordinary; the sudden appearance of the commonplace in otherwise elevated matter or style. — Google dictionary. In the most … Read More

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

Poffy The Cucumber

The Wrath Of Cumberbatch. Hold up a mirror to STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN and you get – STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS. We get Spock and his infamous line in the first ten minutes, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”; we get the crisis which can only be diverted by someone illustrating that … Read More

RED

Poffy The Cucumber

Red-Blooded American Funtime. A shoot-em-up, rock-em sock-em age-fest. RED is Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman; they’re ex-CIA, Retired Extremely Dangerous. You betcha – each of these operatives could wipe out whole cities: Willis with his arctic cool, Malko with his leering morbidity, Helen Mirren with her sexagenarian sexiness and Morgan Freeman with his pompous voiceover. The … Read More

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS

Poffy The Cucumber

When Wizards Collide. Gandalf is SUCH a badass! Wizard against Balrog in a film opening so power-hammering it is astonishing that writer-director Peter Jackson didn’t score a cross-promotion rollercoaster ride at Universal Studios called The Falling Balrog. THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS opens at the middle of the last film, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001), as … Read More

STAR TREK 2009

Poffy The Cucumber

All-New, All-Improved, Same-ole Same ole. If this don’t keep the fanboys happy, nothin’ will.How do you approach a movie as sodden in mythos as the STAR TREK franchise? The approach must be as trepidatious for film makers as it is for geekboys and weekend viewers alike. Every inch of a production under the STAR TREK aegis would reek of esoterica … Read More

THE BOURNE SUPREMACY

Poffy The Cucumber

Bourne Again. In THE BOURNE SUPREMACY, Matt Damon IS (still) Jason Bourne. The superspy from THE BOURNE IDENTITY (2002) is STILL on the lam, from the people who STILL want him dead – his ex-employers STILL at the CIA. Even though they’ve almost forgotten him at the opening of this movie, he lays low in India with his Euro chick, … Read More

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Poffy The Cucumber

deus ex tolkiena. Okay, tattered robes deployed? – check; multiple story lines at the ready to entwine and entangle viewers? – check; sets constructed on a budget which would’ve stamped out hunger in Ethiopia? – check; everyone smeared in poo? – check – let’s roll! Trust me, Gentle Viewer, if you’ve not seen the first two installments of this bloated, … Read More