THE SHAPE OF WATER

Poffy The Cucumber

Interspecies Love and the Balls it Requires. Like the aqua spawn of THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON and Abe Sapien from HELLBOY, our collective consciousness accepts the “Gill Man” as a species; a familiar alien entity in our science fiction. Yet in Guillermo del Toro’s unique THE SHAPE OF WATER, the Gill Man has transcended the species demarcation and … Read More

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

Poffy The Cucumber

Dawn of the Golden Age of Superhero Movies. …if Jesus was alive today and walked on water, it would be instantly on YouTube… And the first Comment would be: “Fag.” — Bill Maher. There is a scene in BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE where Batman turns a corner in his Batmobile and runs headlong into Superman blocking him in … Read More

MACHINE GUN PREACHER

Poffy The Cucumber

Rebel With A Cause. Chronicling the true story of an American religious convert in Sudan, MACHINE GUN PREACHER stars Gerard Butler as Sam Childers, a Pennsylvania ex-con who found his calling rescuing kidnapped children from militant terrorist mobs in Africa. It’s an incredible tale, commendable, inspiring, honorable, humane and laudable… … and by “laudable” I mean “Lord-able”… And that’s where … Read More

MUD

Poffy The Cucumber

Love hurts/stinks/uplifts: message clear as mud. His name is Mud. And his name is pretty much mud. And the movie is MUD. Now isn’t that convenient?! But MUD is not about Mud. He’s just a device to drive the story of young Ellis, who learns hard life lessons upon meeting him. Ellis is 16-year-old Tye Sheridan, and this movie belongs … Read More

13

Poffy The Cucumber

Target Malpractice. A man down on his luck accepts an invitation to make big money – and inadvertently finds himself the 13th gunman in an underground Russian Roulette game. “13” sets up the clichéd premise immediately: electrician Vince Ferro (Sam Riley) needs money for his dad’s operation. While he is busy connecting wires at a client’s home, he overhears the … Read More

MAN OF STEEL

Poffy The Cucumber

Kneel Before Steel. Darkness, moral ambiguity, self-doubt, wearing underpants inside the trousers: these are things not commonly associated with Superman. But in MAN OF STEEL, the newest Superman vehicle, this heretical new direction is what we get – like it or not. But Poffy likey. The bedrock of Superman canon has been preserved (Krypton exploding, Kal-El sent to Earth, super … Read More

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Poffy The Cucumber

The Road To Nowhere leads straight through Suburbia… Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. — Henry David Thoreau. Leo and Kate–together again! For those emotionally trigger-happy TITANIC fans who thought REVOLUTIONARY ROAD would be a reteaming of their favorite star-crossed lovers to recapture lachrymose memories (like the manipulative … Read More

PEARL HARBOR

Poffy The Cucumber

Pearl Before Swine. In garish detail and stunning investigative probing, PEARL HARBOR digs deep below the surface of the gasoline embargoes and jingoistic fomenting and reveals exactly what this WWII conflict was all about – the love triangle between three young American Models. You see, Ben loves Kate. And Kate loves Ben. But Ben’s best friend, Josh, also likes Kate. … Read More

BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU’RE DEAD

Poffy The Cucumber

Doing the business on the family business. “May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.” That old Irish saying warns that you can fool yourself into believing you’re in gravy, until Reality mops the floor with you. Walking a fine line between pulp noir and terrifying reality, BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU’RE DEAD succeeds … Read More

WORLD TRADE CENTER

Poffy The Cucumber

A Date With Density. The pitch: Two men get trapped in a mine shaft. Nothing happens. Then they get rescued. The end. The suits harrumph: where’s the drama? The screenwriter and her agent scramble: well, we flash back to generic good times with families and watch the trapped guys banally discuss heroism and loyalty and STARSKY AND HUTCH. The suits … Read More