MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III

Poffy The Cucumber

The Running Spy. Running. If you like running, you’ll love MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III. Because that’s all that Tom Cruise seems to be doing in it. Besides running, Cruise is also being IMF espionage agent Ethan Hunt. (When he tells someone that IMF stands for “Impossible Missions Force,” we realize how ridiculous it sounds, and why everybody’s trying to kill him). … Read More

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

Poffy The Cucumber

The Wrath Of Cumberbatch. Hold up a mirror to STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN and you get – STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS. We get Spock and his infamous line in the first ten minutes, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”; we get the crisis which can only be diverted by someone illustrating that … Read More

COWBOYS AND ALIENS

Poffy The Cucumber

A shallow ripple in the Force. Is COWBOYS AND ALIENS a boring western movie, or a clichéd alien invasion movie? At some point, I wondered whether it was just a tax write-off for Stephen Spielberg, who seems to have phoned in his producer’s credit on this one. At least he hired Han Solo. A cowboy (Daniel Craig) wakes in the … Read More

THE ISLAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of the Clones. You know what they say: Every man is an island. Unless he has a clone. Then he’s an archipelago. Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson discover they are clones living in an underground community, being cultivated for rich people as “harvestable beings” for their body parts. And who wouldn’t want body parts from Ewan McGregor and Scarlett … Read More

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Poffy The Cucumber

The PC-vs-Mac wars escalate. Well, what did you expect? If there is such a thing as “too many effects,” this movie has too many effects for TEN movies. Effects effects effects, for the love of God, effects. Just for the sake of effects. And then for the love of God, more effects. Stir. Vomit. Michael Bay directs TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF … Read More

STAR TREK 2009

Poffy The Cucumber

All-New, All-Improved, Same-ole Same ole. If this don’t keep the fanboys happy, nothin’ will.How do you approach a movie as sodden in mythos as the STAR TREK franchise? The approach must be as trepidatious for film makers as it is for geekboys and weekend viewers alike. Every inch of a production under the STAR TREK aegis would reek of esoterica … Read More

TRANSFORMERS

Poffy The Cucumber

More Than Meets The Eye-Strain. The CGI prowess in the movie TRANSFORMERS almost makes us forget that this film is for people who still play with action figures.Directed by Michael Bay and his motion-sickness cameras, this overwrought production revolves around the All Spark, a mechanical-mystical cube that has knotted the steel knickers of two races of giant robots engaged in … Read More