THE RIDICULOUS 6

Poffy The Cucumber

Ridiculous6_pic2

Ridiculous is as Ridiculous does… It’s Sandler versus Tarantino in a battle of the adjectives. SPOILER ALERT: Tarantino wins. So you’re going to call your movie THE RIDICULOUS 6? An unsubtle spoof of the title of Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming humbucker, THE HATEFUL 8. In what universe are audiences unaware of this? It’s not even a spoof on the Tarantino movie … Read More

THE EXPENDABLES 3

Poffy The Cucumber

The Dependable Cliché-ables. Sylvester Stallone buys a book from amazon.com called 1001 Dependable Movie Clichés (and How To Utilize Them All In One Movie). Then he writes THE EXPENDABLES 3. DEPENDABLE CLICHÉ: Break an old team member out of jail. Barney Ross (Stallone), leader of the ragtag mercenary guerilla group The Expendables (Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and Terry … Read More

THE EXPENDABLES 2

Poffy The Cucumber

This time it’s Poisonal! THE EXPENDABLES 2 finds the sinister Church (Bruce Willis) sending his obviously irreplaceable team The Expendables (led by Sylvester Stallone) on a mission into some war-torn country with rebels or something, to get something-something from a crashed plane for the purpose of something-something. It doesn’t matter. The Expendables complete this mission within ten minutes. Now they … Read More

THE EXPENDABLES

Poffy The Cucumber

The Man Show. Ladies, don’t go near this movie if you don’t want to get pregnant. Sylvester Stallone and his man-team infiltrate a junta compound to rescue a chick. Explosions. Gunfire. Wrestling matches. Man-banter. Big explosions. Then some bigger explosions. Then an explosion so big it will rattle the testosterone right out of your ballsac and into the nearest female’s … Read More

GET SMART 2008

Poffy The Cucumber

Get Dumb. And Dumber. Who wrote this crap? Would you believe…? Well, it wasn’t Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. Their Maxwell Smart (personified by Don Adams) was hilarious. As the creators-writers of the 1965 television series, GET SMART, they are listed as “creative consultants” as soon as the end credits roll. It’s as if the writers of this torpid remake … Read More

BALLS OF FURY

Poffy The Cucumber

Kung Fu Ping Pong Panda. BALLS OF FURY is not about ping pong. It’s about Being a Man. It’s about Honor. It’s about uplifting the Human Spirit with–ah, who am I kidding? It IS about ping pong. Starring Dan Fogler, George Lopez, Maggie Q, and the guy who does the second best Christopher Walken impersonation in the world – Christopher … Read More