TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 2014

Poffy The Cucumber

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Shelling to a new generation. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES have been around as a merchandising product forever! In a long list of TMNT comicbooks, cartoons and movies, this 2014 reboot is the latest iteration and definitely the turtliest. Four ninja mutant turtle teenagers (“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!”) must stop a bladed samurai criminal intent … Read More

THE NUT JOB

Poffy The Cucumber

Nutless. A group of woodland creatures tries to infiltrate a nut shop and heist its nuts for the winter after their supply in the park is accidentally blown up. Uncute, unlovable animal characters populate THE NUT JOB, an animated feature that aims for excitement, romance and danger and never pulls off any of it as successfully as the uncute unlovable … Read More

THE LEGO MOVIE

Poffy The Cucumber

Will knock your block off! THE LEGO MOVIE is a maximus overload of cinematic revelry; a riotous brick house of bedazzlement. Action, spectacle, romance, cultural refs, fueled by goodness and badness and cuteness. And millions and millions of Lego bricks. Emmett Brickowski (voice of Chris Pratt) is a little Lego man, with perfect Lego hair, living in a perfect Lego … Read More

SEMI-PRO

Poffy The Cucumber

SEMI-PRO is Mostly Amateur. Will Ferrell stars as Jackie Moon in SEMI-PRO, the owner-coach-player of Flint Michigan basketball team, the Tropics, last place in their local Basketball Association. When the Association accepts a merger with the NBA, they threaten to drop the Tropics from their roster, so in order to make his team’s NBA dreams come true, Jackie Moon must … Read More

DESPICABLE ME

Poffy The Cucumber

The Cute Face of Evil. Supercute, superfluffy and superevil, the CGI cartoon DESPICABLE ME follows ambiguously-continental, flamboyant do-badder Gru (Steve Carell, outdoing himself with the half-Transylvanian, half-Albanian accent) in his quest to be the Greatest Supervillain in the World. The theft of the Great Pyramid by New Villain on the Block, Vector (voiced by Jason Segel) spurs Gru to strive … Read More

BLADES OF GLORY

Poffy The Cucumber

On thin ice. How much gayer can BLADES OF GLORY possibly be? Answer: None more gay. The words ‘Will Ferrell’ and ‘professional sports’ have no reason to be in the same sentence together. Somehow they keep happening. In BLADES OF GLORY, Ferrell is ice skating champion Chazz Michael Michaels, whose raunchy routines on the ice earned him the moniker “skating’s … Read More

MONSTERS VS ALIENS

Poffy The Cucumber

Monstrous Alienation. MONSTERS VS ALIENS is a suitably giggly concept, well executed in 3D animation, well written, with funny characters and a straightforward storyline that kiddies will understand. Yet it fails for a fundamental reason – it advocates Guantánamo Bay! Whoa! Poffy’s gone insane! Comparing a kid’s cartoon to President Bush-Cheney’s war crimes. But think carefully now: As a human … Read More

HORTON HEARS A WHO

Poffy The Cucumber

For Whom The Who Tolls. An animated feature that kids will enjoy and adults will find tiresome, HORTON HEARS A WHO! is a Dr. Seuss tale about Horton the elephant in the jungle of Nool, discovering a microscopic city called Whoville on a speck of dust, and vowing to the microscopic mayor to transport the speck to a safe place … Read More

THE ROCKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Bohemian Crapsody. Ooh, look out, you rock and rollers! Pretty soon now you’re gonna get older. — David Bowie, Changes. Even though THE ROCKER is about a middle-aged rock drummer who sees a second stab at fame with his young nephew’s band, it is mostly for nerds who need to get laid by pretending to be rock stars. Rainn Wilson, … Read More

HOT ROD

Poffy The Cucumber

Snot Rod. Here’s one you can watch with a straight face, with a script so bad, even Will Ferrell wouldn’t be in it. There are two laughs in HOT ROD. 1. The Punch-Dance. Stunt rider Rod “needs to go to his quiet place” and before anyone can say Kevin Bacon, he is footloosing a passionate, overwrought bodyswerve to the strains … Read More