Alpha-A (86 titles)

Release: Jun 10 – Review: 25 Dec 10

There’s no ‘A’ in TEAM.

More like the C+ team. The only ‘A’ in this movie is for Audacity. Or Ass – Jessica Biel’s.

Release: Jun 12 – Review: 3 Oct 13

Cutting Bloody Political Comedy.

… about the blood-drinking creatures of the night, the hellish, undead demon-spawn that crave the annihilation of the human species – that’s right, it’s about Republicans.

Release: Feb 97 – Review: 14 Nov 10

Thieves in the Temple.

… the actual “thieves” in our temples are not those robbers in our houses who steal money and jewels – the thieves are in the highest temples of power…

Release: Aug 89 – Review: 11 Jun 11

Underwater Flying Objects.

James Cameron’s parable about humans in an alien environment (at the bottom of the sea) close-encountering aliens in a human environment (here on Earth).

Release: Aug 06 – Review: 2 Jul 07

Entirely Unacceptable.

… it feels as if they’re only appearing in ACCEPTED because, like their characters, they were rejected from parts on other films.

Release: Feb 94 – Review: 19 Oct 05

When Over-The-Top is Under-Achieving.

Jim Carrey’s second-ever leading role remains a watershed performance of mega-ultra-outré singularity.

Release: Nov 95 – Review: 1 Dec 09

When Nature Calls Through Its Arse.

… bold, brash and bountifully braggadocio as its predecessor; a riotous laugh-a-minute wild kingdom zoo train…

Release: Sep 19 – Review: 2 Jan 2020

In AD ASTRA, Brad Pitt flexes all his other muscles.

… turns an astronaut’s mission to save the Earth into a man’s search for his creator – no, not “God,” you idiots! – his father, while asking the big questions about Life, the Universe and Everything.

Release: Mar 22 – Review: 12 Jun 22

For the Love of Adam.

Never have I cried so much at a time travel film, especially one loaded with this many Hollywood tropes.

Release: Oct 18 – Review: 7 Feb 18

Fresh – if you’re 12.

… Sandler in the vein of his most juvenile roles, his jutting-jawed voice prominently featured, the jokes mostly going nowhere, and many landing totally flat – if it weren’t for the canned laughter.

Release: Mar 11 – Review: 26 Sep 11

The Unbearable Rightness of Being.

… they’re watching Matt Damon’s every move. And adjusting it. All while wearing bad hats.

Release: Mar 41 – Review: 13 May 19

The screen’s first super man.

It’s the world’s first superhero movie…

Release: Apr 17 – Review: 22 Apr 20

Misery as Entertainment.

… story of an architect who loses his family in a mid-air collision, due to a distracted air traffic controller, and the revenge the architect wreaks, making two wrongs even wronger.

Release: 1965 – Review: 19 Oct 05

Masterpiece of a Masterpiece.

Stupendous over-acting from both Rex Harrison and Our Man Charlton is the saving grace of this lavish movie…

Release: Jul 97 – Review: 25 Aug 14

Air Force Dumb.

Russians hijack the American President’s plane. Can I have a serving of foregone conclusion with my helping of blockbuster actioner?

Release: Mar 02 – Review: 13 Dec 09

Big Ups. And Much Sideways.

… an uneven potpourri of throwing everything this character has against the wall and not caring what sticks or not.

Release: May 79 – Review: 18 Jun 13

A Little Extra Extra-Terrestrial.

“In space, no one can hear you scream.” Even so, there’s an awful lot of screaming going on.

Release: May 92 – Review: 15 Dec 16

One Singular Serration…

One maximum security prison planet. One xenomorph extra-terrestrial alien. Let the screaming begin. That no one can hear you doing in space…

Release: May 17 – Review: 20 Jun 17

In space, no one can hear you mandroid.

… a majestic, foaming, throat-rending serpent of a film with concepts that will blow your mind as well as your chest cavity…

Release: Jul 86 – Review: 28 Apr 08

The Warrior/Goddess Dichotomy and the Eternal Feminine.

… a script that bluntly screams “More is Better” – more aliens, more victims, more explosions and incredible amounts of more mucus.

Release: Sep 09 – Review: 13 Feb 10

These Boots Are Made For Stalkin.’

Mary latches onto a cameraman named Steve, who shuns her motor-mouthed advances. And then nothing happens.

Release: Nov 13 – Review: 22 Jul 15

Man versus Ocean in a battle to the wet.

… an intrepid sailor, adrift on a boundless ocean after his yacht sinks, battling some fresh hell every moment to stay alive.

Release: Aug 30 – Review: 2 Sep 14

All quiet when it comes to war.

An American production that follows a young German soldier through senseless World War I trenches, it is epic in scope, yet intimate in its emotional impact.

Release: Sep 06 – Review: 2 Oct 06

..couldn’t put this movie together again.

… exhaustingly dull, despite its quality film-making, stupendous performances and sober messages.

Release: Apr 76 – Review: 18 Dec 09

Fall of the Imperial Presidency.

Watergate. Conspiracy. Burglary. Perjury. Courtesy of the President of the United States.

Release: Jan 04 – Review: 6 Jun 06

Along Came Seymour.

Hoffman uses his disheveled, pariah character like a wrecking ball on this milky-vanilla story.

Release: Dec 80 – Review: 14 Mar 09

LSD Trip for Intelligentsia.

… two university scientists experimenting on human regression, using an isolation tank and sensational drugs…

Release: May 19 – Review: 1 Aug 19

Crazy rich and poor Asians.

The cretinous poverty-loving message of ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE outshines its underlying achievements.

Release: Jun 12 – Review: 12 Jul 13

Another good character study cloaked in superhero duds.

With our willing suspension of disbelief, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN amazingly succeeds.

Release: May 14 – Review: 23 Sep 16

Webdom-ination…

… an excellent continuation of the rebooted franchise.

Release: Oct 09 – Review: 12 Feb 10

Fly Girl.

…she flies, she flies, she dies. The end.

Release: Jun 06 – Review: 31 Aug 07

American Dream-mare.

Income tax is illegal. It’s not a radical battle cry – it’s the Constitution. Now that you can’t un-know that fact, life is going to get real scary…

Release: Sep 10 – Review: 23 Jan 11

AMERICAN Beauty.

Clooney pulls out his reserved cool for this smart European production, once again helping to heal the image of the ugly American.

Release: Nov 07 – Review: 6 Jan 08

Smooth Criminal.

Crime = glamour. Crime = hotness. Crime = smoothness.

Release: Dec 13 – Review: 6 Feb 14

Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Scum.

Guess what? Politicians are corrupt.

Release: Nov 95 – Review: 18 Nov 06

A Romantic State of Union.

Douglas effortlessly inhabits the President’s mantle and it is a constant joy to see him imbue this office with a power that we know the real President does not have…

Release: Jan 00 – Review: 25 Apr 08

Exotic Psychotic.

This comedy is not just black – it’s black with sprinkles on top and a human head on a spike.

Release: Jan 15 – Review: 23 Jan 15

The Sheepdog Cometh.

Clint Eastwood directs Bradley Cooper as AMERICAN SNIPER Chris Kyle in a heroic story about a decidedly unheroic slimeball.

Release: Dec 97 – Review: 30 Oct 09

Re-educating the slaves of perception.

No metaphors, no allegories, no analogies – this is straight up, in-ya-face, naked mea culpa racism for all the world to be ashamed of.

Release: Mar 17 – Review: 9 Jun 17

When self-flagellation is anything but funny.

… she’s bedecked in tight leather from top to toe. And it’s not special. One of her first lines is, “Already regret it.” Us too, Amy.

Release: Jul 04 – Review: 22 Feb 06

When The Anchorman was Man-Anchor.

… ranks alongside A NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY or WAYNE’S WORLD as a stupid, stupid idea that somehow entertains despite itself.

Release: Dec 13 – Review: 22 Jul 15

The Corporatization of Dumbification.

… cheeky indictment of the vapid 24-hour news culture and, by association, indictment of all those responsible for perpetuating it – you dummies.

Release: Apr 10 – Review: 22 May 10

Proving you don’t have to be abducted to be anal probed.

… the latest deformed baby spawned from the boomers who broke their brains on Erich von Däniken’s Chariots of the Gods? book series…

Release: Oct 10 – Review: 15 Feb 11

Under The Gods.

… still talking about jaguar priests, messenger angels and ancient astronauts as if they really existed…

Release: Feb 47 – Review: 6 Aug 19

Virgin and the Whipped Man.

The world’s cultural shifts since 1947 render this movie not only dated but naïve past the point of Puritan.

Release: Aug 19 – Review: 30 Apr 20

Falling down the cliché tree and hitting every branch.

Stellar production values keep ANGEL an enjoyable B-movie chase-fest, explosion-fest, guilty-pleasure fest.

Release: May 09 – Review: 31 Jan 10

Dopey Popey.

…Christians have the temerity to question how “God” can allow bad things to happen. Keep in mind these people use a CRUCIFIXION as their symbol of peace and love.

Release: May 16 – Review: 30 Jun 16

Angry Birds so Roundy Roundy.

The birds angrily get their eggs back before the pigs can make an omelet. Shakespeare this ain’t.

Release: Feb 18 – Review: 9 Dec 19

Invasion of the fittest.

A military biologist treks to an extra-terrestrial landing site, and discovers that one life form’s expansion means another life form’s annihilation.

Release: Jul 15 – Review: 17 Jul 18

Ants with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!

… a movie with excitement as small as its titular hero.

Release: Jul 18 – Review: 19 Jul 18

Quantum Cop-Out!

… great effects and kinetic action sequences make it a fun diversion. Just don’t expect any tension or even any connection with the characters…

Release: Apr 19 – Review: 11 May 20

Pagan Prophet.

… Jeselnik is the hero Gotham needs, the slow poison through the IV drip that we deserve.

Release: Oct 15 – Review: 10 Nov 15

Offending at the speed of Jeselnik.

… the Alice Cooper of comedy eviscerates a San Francisco audience. When Anthony Jeselnik kills, he really kills.

Release: Dec 80 – Review: 14 May 08

ANY WHICH WAY is a “Right turn, Clyde!”

There’s nothing deep here; crack a beer, strip down to your wife-beater and just enjoy it.

Release: 1954 – Review: 7 Aug 05

Corn-y Apache.

… yet another grandiose insult to the Native American people, pretending in its own racist way to be a tribute.

Release: Dec 06 – Review: 3 Jan 07

An Epic Fable in a Jugular Vein.

… jungle-wild beauty juxtaposed with bestial brutality, exceptionally well-executed. Emphasis on executed.

Release: Jun 95 – Review: 6 Sep 05

The Greatest Successful Failure Of All Time.

… the “failure” of the Apollo 13 lunar mission aided in advancing space-faring dialect and paved the future with skyward momentum…

Release: Sep 11 – Review: 26 Mar 14

Mare Intranquilitatis.

… the first true space-horror movie since ALIEN.

Release: Dec 18 – Review: 31 Mar 19

Will make you wet.

… this ain’t your daddy’s green and gold sea-man.

Release: May 15 – Review: 7 Sep 15

Some footage should just stay unfound…

… three douchebag high school friends attempt to break into Area 51 and film it.

Release: Oct 12 – Review: 10 Jan 13

The Year of Living Hollywoodly.

Ben Affleck does battle with his beard for top billing as CIA “exfiltration” expert Tony Mendez, trying to extract six American fugitives from Iran…

Release: Jul 98 – Review: 8 Dec 08

Arma Dyin’ Here.

Imagine the worst pain and suffering ever. That’s how it’s gonna feel at the end of the world. Coincidentally, you can feel that exact same pain and suffering by watching Michael Bay’s ARMAGEDDON.

Release: Nov 16 – Review: 24 Dec 16

Mind Encounters of the Close Kind.

… a pondering on communication itself, and how we as a species are so lost in translation amongst ourselves.

Release: Oct 12 – Review: 23 Nov 14

Through an Arrow Greenly.

Man or woman, your groin will hurt watching these pretty people prance. Arrow. Just don’t say Green.

Release: Jul 81 – Review: 9 Dec 11

Little boy booze.

The breezy, boozy tale of a wealthy enabled young man who can’t do without money – until he realizes money can’t buy him what he really can’t do without.

Release: Jul 88 – Review: 11 May 14

Stumbling drunkenly.

Tiresome sequel to an iconic movie.

Release: Apr 11 – Review: 29 Aug 11

Lost between the Moon and New York City.

“Meet the world’s only lovable billionaire.” Isn’t that the most antagonistic of oxymorons in this economic climate?

Release: Nov 55 – Review: 23 Aug 18

Comics and comicbooks, cultures and vultures.

Colors scream louder than Jerry Lewis dreaming about Vincent the Vulture, catchy songs and willing dames, snappy writing and vivid characters…

Release: Dec 97 – Review: 14 Oct 09

A man-size Jack in a girl-size film.

… is that all this farce was aiming towards? The pabulum of girlfriend/boyfriend-ism?

Release: Oct 07 – Review: 29 Dec 08

The Shooting of an Olde Worlde Epic by a New World Filmmaker.

… thrusting us bodily into the grimy, wild, paranoid frontier that was romanticized beyond its harsh reality.

Release: Oct 09 – Review: 14 Dec 10

When the cute robots take over the skyways…

… an adult cartoon clothed in tiny metal undies and yeti boots.

Release: Jul 76 – Review: 7 Jun 17

Rotten to the Core.

When we were kids, we loved these reptilian creatures and rear-projections that fooled us into believing the monsters and men were in the same scene, but now it’s quite laughable…

Release: Jan 51 – Review: 13 Sep 17

No Laughing Matter.

… most amazing thing about this stagnant yawner is that it launched their film career into the stratosphere.

Release: Jul 50 – Review: 15 Mar 2018

Fruiterman!

Superman must defeat his greatest arch-enemy, Luthor, and constantly save the only two people in the world, Lois and Jimmy.

Release: May 97 – Review: 16 Feb 10

Swinging! Like a man, man!

… part spy spoof, part fish-out-of-water, all Swedish-made penis enlarger.

Release: Nov 08 – Review: 2 Dec 08

Epic Saddlebag Superhero.

… it’s Baz Luhrmann, so it’s gonna be stylish; it’s Nicole Kidman, so it’s gonna be painfully pretty; it’s Hugh Jackman, so it’s gonna be oozing sexual bacon like a piston on powerdrive.

Release: Dec 09 – Review: 1 Jan 10

Electra Glide in Jungle Cat Blue.

Frank Zappa once said, “Writing about music is like tap dancing about architecture.” And there’s no way to describe James Cameron’s AVATAR without a lot of tap dancing.

Release: Dec 22 – Review: 19 Jul 23

The Way of Resting On Laurels, Bro.

… made to flex muscles no filmmaker needs, to tell a story every filmmaker has told. Can I have a little plot to go with my advertisement for a special effects suite of tools?

Release: May 12 – Review: 30 May 12

Hero-Palooza.

Shakespearean lightning and thunder arrows, red white and blue shields and golden armor, emerald rage and badass Morpheus longcoat, and Scarlett Johansson’s leather pearbottom.

Release: May 15 – Review: 8 Aug 15

Blammo Brigade finds Intelligence. Artificially.

… not just your same ole blammo-fest with sugarbottom; merely the second movie in the AVENGERS franchise, ULTRON has moved leaps and bounds beyond its predecessor.

Release: Apr 19 – Review: 26 May 19

Deus ex Marvela.

Marvel banked on its stars being good enough actors to elevate what is essentially a kiddie’s superhero movie into a poignant adult movie about loss, family and redemption. And the gamble pays off.

Release: Apr 18 – Review: 22 Jun 18

The Mundane Magic of Marvel.

… a dichotomy of grand filmmaking underpinning a patchwork quilt of asinine ideas that will, nonetheless, sell one billion dolls.

Release: Dec 04 – Review: 28 Jul 07

That Magnificent Man and His Flying Machines.

A powerful biopic of sex, insanity and aeroplanes. In any order.

Release: Aug 04 – Review: 2 Sep 05

AVP: Audience vs. Padding.

… akin to the nippled Batsuit – a franchise gone too far.

Release: Dec 07 – Review: 2 Oct 08

Requiem for a Dweeb.

Hundreds of Aliens. One Predator. No actors.

Release: Jul 19 – Review: 21 Aug 19

Fuck that bitch!

… Aziz either becomes more of a man (in the eyes of women), or more of a woman (in the eyes of men). Let’s let social media decide. Because, surely, we can’t think for ourselves anymore…