2 – 17
2 FAST 2 FURIOUS
Release: Release: Jun 03 – Review: 29 Dec 18
2 Fast 2 Bi-Curious.
… the plot, which involves cars the color of irradiated cotton candy and women in various states of undress.
3 DAYS TO KILL
Release: Feb 14 – Review: 10 Feb 15
3 Days of Swill.
Kevin Costner is suitably grizzled CIA agent Ethan Renner, suffering from a terrible case of Screenwriting Clichés…
3 RING CIRCUS
Release: Release: Dec 54 – Review: 16 Oct 17
Circus of Pain.
… would mark one of the first instances of the cracks in Martin and Lewis’s professional relationship…
3:10 TO YUMA 2007
Release: Sep 07 – Review: 28 Feb 09
Black Hat, White Hat, Gray Souls…
… an operatic tale set in the old west, balancing themes of honor, cowardice, heroism, paternalism, on the simplicity of the road movie…
4TH AND LOUD
Release: Aug 14 – Review: 13 Aug 14
Football by old Ballers.
KISS goes from playing football stadiums to uh, owning the guys who play football in them.
Release: Release: Dec 19 – Review: 26 Nov 20
Deadpool Times Six.
Movie can be funny. Really funny. And yet, stupid. Really stupid.
Release: Sep 09 – Review: 4 Feb 10
Sock It To Me.
… jaw-dropping, wonder-making, magnificent animation sight-spectacular, and an ambitious stab at conceptual darkness. Gone awry.
THE 9/11 COMMISSION REPORT
Release: Sep 09 – Review: 11 Dec 08
History rewritten. And rewritten. And rewritten…
We can’t even call this propaganda. It’s too funny. And by funny, I mean unwatchable.
Release: Oct 03 – Review: 28 Jul 11
A Time to Ill
An ingenious tripwire thriller, where a series of unrelated events all come together in the wrong place at the wrong time – 11:14 pm.
Release: Jan 96 – Review: 27 Feb 11
BACK TO THE FUTURE by way of BRAZIL
… a claustrophobic, strangling, time-paradox action stunner; like all Gilliam’s films, it’s also completely off the rails.
12 YEARS A SLAVE
Release: Nov 13 – Review: 31 Mar 14
Twelve Thousand Years a Slave… and Counting…
… unspeakably terrifying when placed against the larger sociological canvas. I’ll explain all this in a moment if you’ll just stop fussing about the n-word…
Release: Mar 10 – Review: 28 Dec 13
… like the most intense Russian Roulette moments of THE DEER HUNTER compressed into Christopher Walken pants-wetting proportions.
Release: Release: Apr 16 – Review: 8 Aug 19
He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake…
… ramps from simple voyeurism to the worst acts any human could perpetrate on another…
Release: Release: Apr 14 – Review: 5 Jan 21
13 SINS is not about what the man onscreen would do to acquire the Scrooge McDuck swimming pool of riches, but what YOU would do.
Release: Release: Jul 18 – Review: 14 Aug 19
America’s Perviest Home Videos.
… disturbing on a visceral level.
Release: Mar 06 – Review: 30 Jul 08
With Intent to Act…
… Willis has put some nuanced daylight between himself and The John McClane.
Release: Release: Apr 09 – Review: 3 Aug 10
Teens and Geeks and MILFs. Oh my!
… how did the best performance come from the tween idol star of the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL franchise?
21 – 127
Release: Mar 08 – Review: 28 Dec 08
Counting to Dumb.
I don’t doubt this may be a true story. That the characters displayed such stupidity, I do doubt.
Release: Mar 13 – Review: 12 Mar 15
For Mental Ages 21 & Under.
In this ultimately pointless brainless party journey, there are quite a few pointless brainless laughs…
Release: Jul 00 – Review: 24 Jul 14
Hey, Alcoholics, Do you really want to be portrayed this way?
Release: Nov 15 – Review: 28 Oct 16
Deep, dark and whitewashed.
33 men trapped in a mine, arguing over food, water, and who gets to negotiate the book deal.
Release: Aug 05 – Review: 23 Mar 09
Most fun you can have not having sex.
… a premise which is utterly ridiculous, a story utterly preposterous and a cast utterly hilarious.
Release: Jun 10 – Review: 10 Dec 10
… as blackly humorous and yet as feverishly dramatic as only a cockney London thrasher could be.
Release: Feb 04 – Review: 12 May 09
Another Adam Sandler movie. Another Chick Flick. Another romantic comedy. Another film that Rob Schneider appears in. All in all, another Spectacular Waste Of Time.
Release: Mar 23 – Review: 31 Aug 23
Kylo Ren: Before The Dark Side.
65 million years ago, Kylo Ren crash-lands on Earth the day before the asteroid hits.
Release: Apr 08 – Review: 3 Dec 09
87 Minutes Too Long
Coincidentally, Pacino’s hair is so big, he looks like he is auditioning for a pussy-metal band from ’88!
Release: Dec 11 – Review: 25 Dec 11
When Lambs Become Lions.
… the humble beginnings and audacious flowering of the movement that is blowback for decades of corporate capitalist greed – Occupy Wall Street…
Release: Jan 11 – Review: 19 Aug 11
… like a gruesome car accident – you don’t wanna look, but you can’t turn away.
300 – 10,000
Release: Mar 07 – Review: 24 Mar 07
Body-shaved for Glory.
… other than that base fact of 300 battle-bred Spartans smashing up against the insurmountable forces of Persian King Xerxes, most of this movie is fancy-pants in a jester’s bodysuit.
300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE
Release: Mar 14 – Review: 28 Feb 17
300: Rise of the Swoll.
… eye-candy pixel-ocean battle-fest for the sake of eye-candy pixel-ocean battle-fest.
Release: Jul 07 – Review: 27 Jul 07
GROUNDHOG DAY with supernatural teeth.
… the classic staging of Man Trapped In Room…
Release: Jan 20 – Review: 9 Apr 20
The one-take war.
Two young British soldiers are empowered to cross enemy German territory to deliver a message that will save 1,600 British soldiers from walking into an ambush. Without the help of Wonder Woman.
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
Release: Apr 68 – Review: 31 May 06
Also sprach Kubrick und Clarke.
With the simple placement of an inexplicable, anachronous object – The Monolith – Clarke and Kubrick forge the best “true science fiction” adventure of all time.
2010: ODYSSEY TWO
Release: Dec 84 – Review: 9 Apr 06
A Midget in the Footsteps of Giants.
A tension-filled space trek where we laugh at John Lithgow, gasp at the skyscape and weep for a computer…
Release: Nov 09 – Review: 21 Mar 10
And he’ll have fun fun fun ’til his daddy takes the CG away…
As disaster movies go, 2012 is definitely the big one. I mean, how do you outrun the world?
2016: OBAMA’S AMERICA
Release: Aug 12 – Review: 18 Mar 14
Fooling the Fools Again.
… another documentary-with-alarming-music that preaches to the Republican choir about the black debbil in the White House.
3000 MILES TO GRACELAND
Release: Feb 01 – Review: Oct 03
Another Nail in The King’s Coffin.
… shreds like shooting-range flak in the first thirty minutes, which are very Super-Hero, Hard Guy, flaming-gun-barrel, sneered lips, sequined cloaks and tight-panted thighs.
Release: Mar 08 – Review: 11 Sep 08
… such an authentic and realistic portrayal of primitive man, it is clear he did all his research by watching THE FLINTSTONES.