Alpha-O (28 titles)

Release: Apr 13 – Review: 9 May 13

Oblivious to its progenitors?

Seamless efx coupled with an onslaught of plot points that we’ve Déjà vu’d in a thousand other movies

Release: Apr 09 – Review: 17 Oct 09

Report: C+.

… walks that indecisive line between drama and comedy, with Seth Rogen pulling it towards big-dumb-galoot comedy…

Release: Apr 09 – Review: 19 Aug 10

Hell hath no apathy, like a woman scorned.

… writer and director have crafted OBSESSED as if they’ve never known the embrace of a woman, let alone been stalked by one.

Release: Aug 60 – Review: 13 Sep 14

Koo-Koo Eleven.

… a breezy heist flick too slick for its own Brylcreemed pompadour, too koo-koo kutchoo for its own swingin’ hep cats. .

Release: Dec 01 – Review: 30 Dec 03

Whatchoo talkin bout, Cheadle?

… we’re not so much dealing with “movies” as we are with movie STARS.

Release: Dec 04 – Review: 22 Nov 05

“1 Louder” Than Ocean’s Eleven.

… so self-aware of its megastar cheese-wattage that it can’t quite get over its own smugness.

Release: Jun 07 – Review: 23 Jun 07

Lucky Number Thirteen.

… this time ‘round, the direction is wiser, the plot is tighter and some of the jokes are actually funny.

Release: Jun 83 – Review: 18 Jun 20

Eight times the vagina.

Bond investigates a smuggling ring in India and the screenplay somehow gets tangled up in geopolitical espionage between Russia and America.

Release: Apr 14 – Review: 23 Dec 14

Illusion Occlusion.

… a chilling, original, truly eerie horror movie. There is no escape from what you think you see. Kinda like TMZ.

Release: 2001 – Review: 15 Sep 12

Office Spaced.

Genius Ricky Gervais forges one of the greatest comedy series in history…

Release: Jul 21 – Review: 16 Feb 23

OLD is defeated by its Young.

… a group of vacationing people on a secluded tropical beach, who realize that the beach is making them age rapidly, yet who cannot leave…

Release: Jul 20 – Review: 2 Sep 2020

Immortals: can’t live with ‘em, can’t kill ‘em. No – literally.

… led by Charlize Theron, in jeans so tight I can see the outline of her cock.

Release: Mar 13 – Review: 10 Jul 14

DIE HARD in the White House.

… Agent Gerard Butler is the fly in the ointment, the spanner in the works, the McClane in the Nakatomi.

Release: Dec 69 – Review: 13 May 20

This never happened to the other fella…

Bond versus Blofeld, who threatens to wipe out life on Earth – with a virus!

Release: Jul 19 – Review: 10 Oct 19

A film that takes us somewhere, yet goes nowhere.

Tarantino seems to have lost his throughline in chasing his art.

Release: Nov 75 – Review: 25 Mar 11

One Cuckoo in Charge of the Rest.

… one of the foremost statements on mankind’s descent into madness. Not because of the unbalanced patients – because of the unbalanced staff.

Release: Aug 04 – Review: 6 Apr 09

Body of Beauty in Body of Water.

Two insignificant bodies in a limitless ocean – fact that one of them is Blanchard Ryan’s 9.5 body is doubly tragic…

Release: Aug 06 – Review: 18 Dec 09

Sea legs in the second act.

… six people lost at sea. Six BORING people.

Release: Jul 23 – Review: 25 Aug 23

The REAL Quantum Mania.

… follows the “father of the atomic bomb,” J. Robert Oppenheimer, as he gathers geniuses, cockblocks politicians, and bangs mistresses.

Release: Jul 09 – Review: 19 Aug 10

The Kid Ain’t Kidding.

… when an upscale couple with two children adopt a 9-year-old orphan with scary theme music, familial bliss is not in the flow chart.

Release: Oct 14 – Review: 24 Apr 16

Ouija: the bored game.

Five teens try to contact their dead friend through a ouija board. And guess what? They do.

Release: Oct 16 – Review: 24 Nov 22

Devil: 1. God: 0. Again.

A charlatan spirit medium discovers her daughter can actually contact spirits through a Ouija board. And all, uh, hell breaks loose.

Release: Aug 11 – Review: 30 Jan 14

Our Idiot Movie.

A gentle, gullible soul causes problems for his three sisters with his big mouth.

Release: Aug 10 – Review: 17 Jan 11

Finding the Other Mark Wahlberg.

… should have just been called THE OTHER GUY (singular), as we watch Wahlberg elegantly steal it from right under Ferrell’s nose.

Release: May 81 – Review: 11 Oct 11

Outland-ish.

It’s HIGH NOON in space. Well, sort of. Well, not exactly. Well, not at all.

Release: May 06 – Review: 27 May 06

Die Hard With A Woodland Critter Vengeance.

… does our enjoyment stem from the tale and its telling, or from the megastar backbone that props up all these modern 3D animation films?

Release: May 43 – Review: 24 Dec 09

Vengeance is Swine.

… presciently an exact representation – EXACT – of how the George W. Bush administration prosecuted its failed state “justice” in its bogus War on Terror.

Release: Mar 13 – Review: 6 Oct 13

Follow the yellow slick road…

… as wondrous and exciting as the film that inspired it, which means it is kaleidoscopically trippy and makes no sense.