I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Twat. BUNNYMAN will kill you with cuteness. Literally kill you. In the middle of Nowhere, America, six abysmal actors on a road trip are stalked and killed by a guy wearing a cute bunny suit. Good. Full marks to filmmaker Carl Lindbergh for writing, producing, directing and editing this cult slasher film, but NO … Read More
HOUSE OF GUCCI
Yoko Gucci. Lady Gaga stars as Patrizia Reggiani, one of the world’s greatest gold-diggers (alongside Heather Mills, Anna Nicole Smith and Melania Trump). From a poor Italian family, Patrizia manipulates her way into THE HOUSE OF GUCCI in 1972, marrying Maurizio Gucci (Adam Driver), heir to the Gucci fashion empire. Not content to sit on the sidelines and earn a … Read More
JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION
Insectovorus Plotarmordon. Dinosaurs are everywhere. Loosed on the world in 2018’s FALLEN KINGDOM, they’re now as ubiquitous as cats and dogs in JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION. The stars of JURASSIC WORLD, Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard, are teamed alongside JURASSIC PARK legacy players Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum, to take down Biosyn, the Big Bad Corp messing with … Read More
TROLL 2022
Norway’s Godzilla. There was the Norwegian thriller TROLL HUNTER in 2010, an enjoyable modern take on the ancient fairy tale legends. Now Norway blasts out TROLL, an even more grounded, more thrilling, more gargantuan meshing of ancient legend with modern warfare… So… Is Norway cornering the market on troll IP? During an excavation through a mountain in Dovre, Norway, a … Read More
TROLL HUNTER 2010
Trolling Norway. Students making a documentary follow what they think is a bear poacher, only to discover he is a trolljegeren (a TROLL HUNTER), systematically ridding the Norwegian countryside of rogue trolls destroying property, while his governmental gaslighters continue the ruse to news stations that “bears” are responsible for all the havoc. Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud) as interviewer leads a … Read More
OUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL
Devil: 1. God: 0. Again. A charlatan spirit medium discovers her daughter can actually contact spirits through a Ouija board. And all, uh, hell breaks loose. OUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL is a prequel to 2014’s OUIJA; set in the late ‘60s, we meet the young family that would become the ghosts of the 2014 film, and we experience their harrowing … Read More
MARY POPPINS RETURNS
Return of The VVitch!! MARY POPPINS RETURNS is the sequel to 1964’s MARY POPPINS, where Julie Andrews played a witch who fell from the sky to nanny a British family during their hardship. In this new story, produced 54 years after the original (yet is set about 25 years after the original’s events), Emily Blunt plays the same Poppins witch, … Read More
DEEP THROAT
Porno Politico. DEEP THROAT – the porn movie that brought down the president of the United States. It’s the original porno referenced by no less than The Washington Post, when nicknaming their anonymous informant Deep Throat, the source that provided key details in Nixon’s Watergate Scandal of 1972. (Only in 2005 was Deep Throat revealed to be the Associate Director … Read More
MARK FELT: THE MAN WHO BROUGHT DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE
When Immovable Corruption Meets Unstoppable Corruption. MARK FELT: THE MAN WHO BROUGHT DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE is a clickbait title. It tells us it’s going to push the mainstream narrative that FBI Associate Director William Mark Felt singlehandedly brought down the corrupt Nixon administration in 1974, by leaking anonymously to the press during Nixon’s Watergate scandal. Nicknamed “Deep Throat” by … Read More
WILL SLAPS CHRIS | The REAL Reason Will Smith Ruined His Career
The Oscar Performance After The Oscar Performance ill Smith maintains that he slapped Chris Rock because he was “defending his wife’s honor.” From a comedian who was not attacking her honor. Merely joking about the movie GI JANE in relation to Jada’s bald head. Oh, but Jada has alopecia, which is hair-loss, narcissistically posting on every social media platform that … Read More
LOST IN DINOSAUR WORLD
The 65-million-year copyright infringement. LOST IN DINOSAUR WORLD – the movie from the man who sued JURASSIC PARK! Children’s author Geoffrey T. Williams published a series of four books from 1985 to 1988 under the Dinosaur World banner. When Michael Crichton published Jurassic Park in 1990, and Steven Spielberg subsequently made the 1993 movie based on that book, Williams saw … Read More
THE LADYKILLERS
That Rare Occasion a Remake is Better Than The Original! A group of low-rent thieves heist a bank truck with the unwitting aid of a little old lady, whose rooming house they use as a makeshift headquarters. When the old lady discovers their ruse, they decide to dispose of her – but who amongst them has the stones to actually … Read More
LAST SEEN ALIVE
Goes from Very Real to Somewhat Hollywood. A movie where the lead character does everything that YOU would do in a dire situation – at least in the first two acts, before he must bow to Action Movie Protocol and shoot the bad guys, rescue the girl and take down a redneck meth lab all by himself… LAST SEEN ALIVE … Read More
KISS | Jigoku-Retsuden
15 Reasons Not To Like KISS: the George Lucas Effect. he album Jigoku-Retsuden (“Legends From Hell”) is 15 old KISS songs (from mainly the makeup era), re-recorded by the then-current lineup of KISS (Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Tommy Thayer, Eric Singer), exclusively for sale in Japan. Because, I guess, the Japanese like to hear KISS classics that don’t sound anything … Read More
THE BATMAN 2022
Knight’s in Black Battin’. A young Batman, in his second year of fighting crime, feels futility mounting in his quest to rid Gotham of corruption. When he is enlisted to help Lieutenant Jim Gordon against a terrorist known as The Riddler who is killing politicians, he begins to question how high up the corruption goes, and is confronted with … Read More
FATHER’S LITTLE DIVIDEND
Studio’s Little Dividend. FATHER OF THE BRIDE (1950) was a refreshing original movie, a well-acted, Oscar-nominated comedy that gave us a frazzled father’s poignant perspective on his only daughter being married off. And the sequel, FATHER’S LITTLE DIVIDEND, continues the story of that father-daughter relationship because – money. MGM had a critical and commercial hit with FATHER and rushed through … Read More
FATHER OF THE BRIDE
Furthering The Father. To appreciate this movie, we first have to get over the pointy bras. And the soft-focus females, the high heels and pearls worn around the house by the wife, the married couple’s separate single beds, sleeping with all their clothes on, and the fact that everyone 50 looks 80. Oh, also the black slave. 1950 was such … Read More
FATHER OF THE BRIDE 2022
Latin remake for a new audience… of rich white people. I love Andy Garcia. I’d watch him in any piece of crap. Even crap like FATHER OF THE BRIDE, the 2022 Latin remake of Steve Martin’s 1991 upper middle-class remake of the 1950 Spencer Tracy white privilege classic. The story (written by Matt Lopez, THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE 2010) might have … Read More
SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME
Not Tingling. After Tony Stark’s death (in AVENGERS: ENDGAME – c’mon, where you been?), Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) bequeaths Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tom Holland) the command of all Stark’s tech, via a pair of magic sunglasses. Five minutes later, Parker relinquishes his superhero status to chase after panty (the SUPERMAN II syndrome), and hands over the glasses to interdimensional stranger … Read More
BLAIR WITCH 2016
True Horror: no originality! By 2016, the “found footage” craze had run outa steam. But someone forgot to tell director Adam Wingard, as he dives deliriously into BLAIR WITCH, using supposedly “found footage” to construct this thriller (woooow! So revolutionary!) from five different shaky-cams of doomed 20-somethings hiking the Burkittsville woods, trying to find the girl from the first movie. … Read More