WITCHFYNDER GENERAL DEFROCKED | The Resignation of David Petraeus and the Humiliation of the CIA.

Jon Dunmore

avid Petraeus, though resigning as CIA Director under inauspicious circumstances, is being heralded as a warrior poet, a god-king, a “legend” who “saved the war in Iraq,” “one of the outstanding generals of his day”; President Obama effused that Petraeus “served with intellectual rigor, dedication and patriotism.” But David Petraeus is a piece of shit. Why? It’s not because he … Read More

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JON LORD EULOGY | Stormbringer Dance on the Thunder Again…

Jon Dunmore

e was God. And if any would debate that fact, none can deny that his very name was Lord. Something is askew in the world that can never be righted. Upon Jon Lord’s death, his press agent stated, “Jon passes from Darkness to Light” – but alas, he has left US in darkness… He has toured the planet in “the … Read More

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CALL ME GOD (and I’ll still respect you in the morning)

Jon Dunmore

      What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on a bus?… — Joan Osborne, “One of Us.” emme get this straight: if you discovered God was a knock-kneed, sunken-chested, bus-traveling sex-pervert, you people – you forgiving christians – would still worship him? Your first indignant objection is, “Why … Read More

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TERRORIST IS THE NEW NIGGER | How The Rednecks stay one step ahead of us.

Jon Dunmore

JOHN MCCAIN’S STORY SO FAR: First the Republican nominee for president assured us that the “fundamentals of the economy were strong.” On seeing coffee flying out of everyone’s noses at that assertion, he changed his mind. Then the suggestion was to fire the Chairman of the SEC. Informed that a president isn’t allowed to fire a Chairman of the SEC, … Read More

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ALCOHOLICS CONTRANONYMOUS | A Non-Alcoholic’s Journey Through Alcoholism.

Jon Dunmore

he was everything I liked in a woman: blonde, blue eyes, big tits – and drunk. And then there’s that old saw: Be careful what you wish for… There is a cautionary tale in The Harlan Ellison Hornbook (1990) describing all the stupid things he did for the sake of a particular woman – Valerie – and if it weren’t … Read More

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THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF DRIVING | The Dunmore’s Rejoinder to the Catholic Clergy.

Jon Dunmore

The Impossible Dream of Thou Shalt Not Rape. Got road rage? The Vatican on Tuesday issued a set of “Ten Commandments” for drivers, telling motorists to be charitable to others on the highways, to refrain from drinking and driving, and to pray you make it before you even buckle up. — Associated Press, Vatican City, June 19, 2007. ard to … Read More

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Virginia Tech Shootings 2007 | The Killing Of American Scruples

Jon Dunmore

The Killing Of American Scruples.   gather from all the psycho-babble that the technical term for the sniper at Virginia Tech University is “Unbelievable Dickhead.” So, to exercise something which the nationwide news networks have forgotten should be the cornerstone of their existence – scruples – I refuse to name the Unbelievable Dickhead responsible for the deaths of 32 people … Read More

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POFFY GIVES ZERO RESPECT | A Small Cucumber in the Big Apple

Jon Dunmore

…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself… — Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States. The World Trade Center razing on September 11, 2001, was such a momentous calamity that generations from now, there will still be bad TV movies made about it. After Poffy The Cucumber’s numerous screeds pertaining to the Twin Towers’ toppling, … Read More

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Mel Gibson’s DUI

Jon Dunmore

Losing His Religion. n his last day on Earth, Jesus mouthed off at the Jews sharing his table (Peter and Judas and the cast of extras), calling them ignorant and greedy and the cause of all ills. He was drunk. 1,973 years later, Mel Gibson did the same thing. Look what happened to Jesus. I’ve been following the Mel Gibson … Read More

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EVOLUTION vs. CREATIONISM | Education Takes A Hit And Myth

Jon Dunmore

Education Takes a Hit and Myth. Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity – and I’m not sure about the universe. — Albert Einstein. he first time I heard the words “intelligent design,” I thought it was a euphemism – however misapplied – for Evolution. But it has nothing to do with Evolution. And it has nothing … Read More

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BATMAN VERSUS BATMAN | Keaton or Bale? Blow by Blow.

Jon Dunmore

The Alter-Ego The Batman The Butler The Car The Cave The Chick The Chin The City The Commissioner The Costume The Logo The Music The Opening The Statement The Villain   THE COSTUME Both Keaton’s and Bale’s costumes have been radically altered from the Giordano/Aparo halcyon days of the 70s comicbooks. The comicbook costume was gray with dark blue cape … Read More

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KISS | Carnival Of Souls

Jon Dunmore

Carnival of Soul-Searching. omething happened to KISS before they re-donned the makeup in 1996 – they grew up. Their 17th studio album, Carnival Of Souls, displays a ferocious maturity, unmatched by any KISS album to date. A sweeping statement to be sure, especially pertaining to a band whose career has lasted longer than fully half their fan-base’s lifetimes. But I … Read More

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ASTROLOGY | Keep The Nuts Out!

Jon Dunmore

Keep The Nuts Out! Hi, Planetary Society, To cut straight to the chase, my enjoyment of articles such as your planetary grouping segment (April 9, 2002) is somewhat diluted when I see credibility afforded The Nuts that abound among us – I’m speaking of astrologers and all things astrological. (As Stephen Jay Gould has pointed out, it seems a tragedy … Read More

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muzzleLoader | The Roxy, 26 Feb 2002

Jon Dunmore

Red meat wreck and roll. uesday night. What to do in the big city for a spot of hard-core adrenaline-rush? Well, there’s Club Lingerie, where the ecstasy-drenched 21-year-olds will suck you drier than the last raisin on a lifeboat; there’s Highland Grounds, where the Poetry Slams will leave you with a hunger for the sniper’s rifle unmatched since the days … Read More

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KISS | GREAT WESTERN FORUM, Aug 1996

Jon Dunmore

Kiss Alive! Again! ust it all be said again for the next generation? This time round, leaving out all the goofy, irrelevant stuff like Paul’s favorite color and Ace’s favorite dessert… From being called devil-worshippers to transvestites; from being nondescript street kids to unbridled lodestars for two generations; from being dubbed aliens to mongoloids, the worst band on earth to … Read More

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TODD RUNDGREN | House Of Blues, 12 Jun 1995

Jon Dunmore

Somebody Took Our God Away… o call Todd Rundgren eclectic would be an understatement. Todd Rundgren’s worlds traverse galaxies well beyond our pitifully insignificant existences. Only those who have been exposed to his three-decade oeuvre would hove near grasping where this artist hails from – everywhere at once; which brings us back to the term eclectic, I suppose, making for … Read More

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GARRISON WHITE | Live Review / Eulogy

Jon Dunmore

One Man. One guitar. No Prisoners. Someone refurbished a toilet and called it The Coconut Teaszer. Someone else painted it throbbing purple (or screaming lilac), and if it weren’t for the mid-80s explosion of Rock and Metal and Bouffant ‘do’s, the Teaszer probably would have met its justifiable end as a high-rent ghetto apartment complex, being unjustifiably in the heart … Read More

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