A PERFECT GETAWAY

Poffy The Cucumber

Sunny, with a chance of homicide. Remember when it was cool for a movie to have a twist? Even a bad twist was a Good Thing. Then M. Night Shyamalan came along and gave us The Greatest Twist Of All in THE SIXTH SENSE… and screwed it up for everyone. “Twist” has become a bad word over the last decade, … Read More

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A PERFECT WORLD

Poffy The Cucumber

A Perfect Vision of an Imperfect World. Nature versus nurture. Fathers versus sons. Justice versus The Law. T-bones versus tater tots. The power of Clint Eastwood’s films has always come from Eastwood’s bravado in addressing moral ambiguity. (Even his death-dealing avenger films – the DOLLAR trilogy, JOSEY WALES, the DIRTY HARRY series, etc. – are so powerful not because of … Read More

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A SOUND OF THUNDER

Poffy The Cucumber

A Sound of Chunder. A Sound of Thunder. One of the greatest short stories ever written. By one of the grandest Grand Masters of Fantasy, Ray Bradbury. A SOUND OF THUNDER. Vomitous movie. In Bradbury’s science fiction short story, a company called Time Safari offers big game hunters the opportunity to go back in time and kill dinosaurs. Rule Number … Read More

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A STAR IS BORN

Poffy The Cucumber

The Acceptable Weinstein. A determined young woman moves to Hollywood to become a star, and – after she hooks up with a famous actor – does. Proving that it’s all about Who You Bang. A STAR IS BORN is one of those films that seems deeper than it is. The basic plot is as stated above – a starstruck girl … Read More

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A STAR IS BORN 1954

Poffy The Cucumber

Falling Star, Rising. A generation passes.  A STAR IS BORN rises. 18 years after the original 1937 movie (with Janet Gaynor and Fredric March), which followed an ambitious young girl being molded into a movie star, writer Moss Hart and director George Cukor remake A STAR IS BORN as a Musical, where the young girl is now a singer who … Read More

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A STAR IS BORN 1976

Poffy The Cucumber

A Nose for Stardom. An alcoholic rock star sees a nose singing in a small club. It’s attached to Barbra (Ms. Streisand if you’re nasty). He falls in love with the nose, brings it into his rock world and sees it rise to fame, whilst his own star is falling. Another generation, another A STAR IS BORN… It’s 22 years … Read More

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A STAR IS BORN 2018

Poffy The Cucumber

It’s all about Who You Nose. We may not be known as The Greatest Generation, but this fourth filmic iteration of A STAR IS BORN, for our generation, is surely the greatest. 42 years after the 1976 version, Bradley Cooper co-writes the movie, directs, stars, plays guitar, plays piano, sings, co-writes the songs, and co-produces… A STAR IS BORN all … Read More

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A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE

Poffy The Cucumber

A Juggernaut Named Brando. There are three reasons to watch A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE: Brando. Brando. Brando. It is 50 years gone, and we still feel Marlon Brando’s bestial heat flare off that black and white celluloid like the flashpots from the third row of a KISS concert. It is obvious why his work in this movie has been lauded, … Read More

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A THOUSAND WORDS

Poffy The Cucumber

Nine-hundred and ninety words too long. A THOUSAND WORDS just needs four words to describe it: Writing: good. Movie: average. Eddie Murphy stars as big mouth literary agent Jack McCall, whose encounter with guru Dr. Sinja (Cliff Curtis) leads to a Bodhi tree magically springing up in his backyard, which loses a leaf for every word that Jack speaks. He … Read More

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A TRIP TO THE MOON

Poffy The Cucumber

A Trip by any other name – would be just as hallucinogenic. Well, someone was tripping when they made this. A TRIP TO THE MOON was directed and co-written by Frenchman Georges Méliès, the innovator who took the “moving pictures” to the next level during the birth of cinema. Arguably the first science fiction movie, one of the first to … Read More

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A VERY BRADY SEQUEL

Poffy The Cucumber

Makes the best of a bad idea. Now it’s funny! In A VERY BRADY SEQUEL, the gag of transplanting a 70’s family into the 90s works much better than it did in this movie’s predecessor, 1995’s failed experiment, THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE. The satire finds its feet possibly due to new director, Arlene Sanford, who displays a surer grasp of … Read More

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A VIEW TO A KILL

Poffy The Cucumber

A View To A Stuntman. 57-year-old Roger Moore finally ages out of the Bond franchise, in his seventh and final fling as James Bond 007 in A VIEW TO A KILL, a movie that could easily win the prize for The Stuntman Most Looking Not Like The Star. The title is from the Ian Fleming short story From a View … Read More

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ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Cutting Bloody Political Comedy. ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER is a film about the blood-drinking creatures of the night, the hellish, undead demon-spawn that crave the annihilation of the human species – that’s right, it’s about Republicans. Ironic then, that the hunter of these bloodsuckers is none other than the most famous Republican, Abraham Lincoln – fighting to free the world … Read More

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ABSOLUTE POWER

Poffy The Cucumber

Thieves in the Temple. In ABSOLUTE POWER, Clint Eastwood is super thief Luther Whitney, robbing a mansion when he is interrupted by two lovers entering the room. Luther takes cover and witnesses rough foreplay, until the man gets too rough for the woman and she retaliates by trying to stab him. The man, pinned on the floor, cries, “Help! Help!” … Read More

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ACCEPTED

Poffy The Cucumber

Entirely Unacceptable. In the tiresome ACCEPTED, Justin Long is Bartleby Gaines, rejected from a series of reputable colleges. To appease his parents, he forges an acceptance letter to a fake college, and then finds he must create an actual campus to follow through with his ruse. So is born the South Harmon Institute of Technology (the sophomoric acronym S.H.I.T. used … Read More

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ACE VENTURA PET DETECTIVE

Poffy The Cucumber

When Over-The-Top is Under-Achieving. Alllrighty then… Like a ballistic missile launched from the irreverent camp of IN LIVING COLOR, (of which he was the odd-white-man-out alumnus), Jim Carrey‘s second-ever leading role as the eponymous ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE remains a watershed performance of mega-ultra-outré singularity. The plot of the singularly incongruous Pet Detective (roving rampant amidst the real police department’s investigations) recovering … Read More

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ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS

Poffy The Cucumber

When Nature Calls Through Its Arse. You either like Ace Ventura or you want to entrap him in a space capsule bound for the heart of the black hole at the center of the Milky Way. If you are of the latter persuasion, don’t read on. It will only prompt you to spend inordinate amounts of money on the space … Read More

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AD ASTRA

Poffy The Cucumber

In AD ASTRA, Brad Pitt flexes all his other muscles. Brad Pitt saves the world (like WORLD WAR Z) while pondering the meaning of existence (like Tyler Durden), in transit from the Moon to Neptune (like we didn’t already know Brad Pitt was a heavenly body). AD ASTRA (“To The Stars”) turns an astronaut’s mission to save the Earth into … Read More

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ADAM LAMBERT: The Fury and the Passion (and the High Heels)

Jon Dunmore

Over the entire season, you have been one of the best, most original contestants we’ve ever had on the show. And the whole idea about doing a show like this is that you hope that you can find a worldwide star. I genuinely believe with all my heart that we have found that with you. — Simon Cowell, AMERICAN IDOL … Read More

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ADAM SANDLER: 100% FRESH

Poffy The Cucumber

Fresh – if you’re 12. Adam Sandler used to be a funny standup comedian. I used to love that unsure persona, and the sudden left turns in his gags. This was way back before most of you Adam Sandler fans were Adam Sandler fans (circa 1990). Then came SNL (1990-1995), and numerous movies, some good, most bad; a handful of … Read More

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