LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-07: MY FRIEND, MR NOBODY

Poffy The Cucumber

Angela Cartwright: Star Lite. Penny gets her moment in the sun… or at least, on a planet orbiting a different sun, as she is the focus of this drug-induced episode, where she befriends a disembodied voice in a cave, only to have that voice attack her family via an earthquake through a misunderstanding, and for it to then reconcile with … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-06: WELCOME STRANGER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Garbled Gaslighting of Irwin Allen. What the Robinsons thought was a missile heading toward them in the previous episode cliffhanger, turns out to be a spacecraft. It lands, and a regular human man exits. He’s sporting a cowboy hat and a Southern accent. And all the promise that LOST IN SPACE showed in this first Season, as a serious … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-05: THE HUNGRY SEA

Poffy The Cucumber

The Plotline That Needn’t Be. I don’t think the writers know how spaceships work: that they insulate the people inside from extremes of cold and heat. Writers Shimon Wincelberg and William Welch want to get the Space Family Robinson into a situation not unlike the Swiss Family Robinson: out on the open sea in a raging tempest… So begins the … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-04: THERE WERE GIANTS IN THE EARTH

Poffy The Cucumber

Giant Cyclops, Tiny Science. First of all, that title – There Were Giants In The Earth. This ain’t Earth. And that fact alone should make the Space Family Robinson think twice about any interaction they have with the native fauna or flora… it doesn’t, as they go about eating the flora and killing the fauna, even though the movie year … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-03: ISLAND IN THE SKY

Poffy The Cucumber

Bubble-Headed Badboy and Deadly Dr. Smith. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) has gone out the airlock of the Jupiter to apparently “fly” down to the planet they are orbiting to scope it out. One would think there are instruments onboard the spaceship that would carry out all that spectroscopy and visual reconnaissance. Nope. The only piece of tech the writers … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-02: THE DERELICT

Poffy The Cucumber

Sinister Spaceships and Ferocious Furniture. The Space Family Robinson is pulled into a hulking derelict spaceship and attacked by lounge chairs. LOST IN SPACE Season 1 Episode 2 begins exactly where the last episode left off. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) is floating away from the Jupiter 2 after his tow-line has broken, as wife Maureen (June Lockhart) watches helplessly, … Read More

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PALADIN OF THE LOST HOUR | TWILIGHT ZONE | S1E7

Poffy The Cucumber

Finding time to be greater than itself. A young man rescues a “very old man” from muggers in a cemetery, and is befriended by the old man, whom he discovers is a paladin, a guardian of a timepiece that has stopped ticking, holding in limbo the last hour of the universe. Written by the great Harlan Ellison, and screenplayed by … Read More

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ROB SCHNEIDER: ASIAN MOMMA, MEXICAN KIDS

Poffy The Cucumber

You Can’t Do Eet. For a guy whose catchphrase is “You can do it!” Rob Schneider has spent decades proving that he can’t. In ASIAN MOMMA, MEXICAN KIDS, Adam Sandler’s number one unfunny bottom bitch takes to the stage for his first ever Standup Special in Salt Lake City (just days before the Dumbo Donald Virus Shutdown in March 2020) … Read More

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QUEEN: THE SHOW MUST GO ON – THE QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT STORY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke. This article draws heavily from my ADAM LAMBERT Tribute. It is combined with that piece for the purpose of a video review for Dunmore’s Movie Mania. Just so you don’t freak out and wonder why I’m plagiarizing myself. THE SHOW MUST GO ON: THE QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT STORY is a thinly-disguised short biography of the … Read More

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CANDYMAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Bad movie with a good hook. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Say it five times into a mirror and Candyman appears to kill you. Unless you’re Virginia Madsen. Madsen is Helen, doing a thesis on urban legends. She is told the Candyman myth – of the tall, black, gravel-voiced phastasm, with a hook for a hand and a pimpin’ longcoat, … Read More

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THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME

Poffy The Cucumber

Shark Fin Stupe. THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME is about the first sharknado, and how Fin the shark hunter travels back to prehistoric times to stop it, thereby negating all further sharknadoes and saving the planet from having to witness the bombastic mindlessness of any SHARKNADO movies. He fails. Because obviously this is the sixth SHARKNADO shit sandwich. And … Read More

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ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MARVEL

Poffy The Cucumber

The screen’s first super man. Uttering the mystical word, “SHAZAM!” young Billy Batson becomes the mighty Captain Marvel, using super powers to aid his archaeological expedition in fending off a villain called The Scorpion. It’s the world’s first superhero movie, with the world’s first comicbook superhero – Captain Marve—hang on a sec!—Isn’t Superman the world’s first comicbook superhero?! Yes, but … Read More

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SPRINGSTEEN ON BROADWAY

Poffy The Cucumber

Springsteen does Dean Martin. In SPRINGSTEEN ON BROADWAY, Robert De Niro talks about his music, his life, his family, his—no wait, that’s Bruce Springsteen. That’s Bruce Springsteen? Call up your mental image of The Boss, from whichever period blows your skirt up: the youthful, scraggly-bearded troubadour, the 80’s rocker with the bandanna and sleeveless denim jacket, the elder statesman on … Read More

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THE ROBINSONS: LOST IN SPACE

Poffy The Cucumber

Lost In Dysfunction. THE ROBINSONS: LOST IN SPACE is a 2004 remake of the 1965 series LOST IN SPACE, and remains as one unaired pilot episode. Following the unsuccessful filmic remake of LOST IN SPACE in 1998 (starring William Hurt and Gary Oldman), which was criticized (incorrectly) as being too dark, this television production goes in another direction and soaps … Read More

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STEVE MARTIN AND MARTIN SHORT: AN EVENING YOU WILL FORGET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Poffy The Cucumber

Old Hands at Comedy, or just Old Comedy? The aptly-named STEVE MARTIN AND MARTIN SHORT: AN EVENING YOU WILL FORGET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE is a cavalcade of roasting comedy, political puppetry, jazz anecdotes and bluegrass banjo that you truly will not remember. Comedy legend Steve Martin and comedy somewhat-well-known Martin Short team up for a two-man show, … Read More

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KEVIN JAMES: NEVER DON’T GIVE UP

Poffy The Cucumber

Never Don’t Just Watch. Let’s see: if a comedian still hasn’t said anything remotely funny or intriguing or insightful 32 minutes into their set, you can pretty much guarantee the rest of their 1 hour set is going to be just as shallow, unfunny and lame, right? Such is the case with the simpleton humor in KEVIN JAMES: NEVER DON’T … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 2-26: TRIP THROUGH THE ROBOT

Poffy The Cucumber

Robot-zilla! Will Robinson and Dr. Smith go into the body of the Robot, grown gigantic, to re-program him down to normal size, and get trapped as the Robot starts to shrink – in the most terrifying LOST IN SPACE episode ever. At least, for ten-year-old boys. By Season 2 (September 1966), LOST IN SPACE was churning out some pretty surreal … Read More

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SHARKNADO 5: GLOBAL SWARMING

Poffy The Cucumber

Shit-nado. SHARKNADO rained sharks on Los Angeles; SHARKNADO 2 rained sharks on New York; SHARKNADO 3 swamped the White House reign; SHARKNADO 4 made it rain in Las Vegas… and SHARKNADO 5 shits all over the world. Literally and figuratively. SHARKNADO 5 finds shark-slayer Fin (Ian Ziering) and his cyborg wife April (Tara Reid), chasing down a sharknado that has … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE 2018

Poffy The Cucumber

Handsome, Pretty Handsome. One of the formative TV shows of our youth, LOST IN SPACE, is rebooted as an enjoyable Netflix series, capturing all the dynamics of the original show, and leaving out the camp and the bubble-headed booby. In the year 2046, the space-faring Family Robinson leaves a dying Earth, onboard a mothership of colonists, headed for the star … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-00: NO PLACE TO HIDE

Poffy The Cucumber

LOST tries to find its way… It’s LOST IN SPACE without Dr. Smith and the Robot, therefore 20% less fruity fun! “No Place To Hide” is the unaired pilot (Episode 00) of the 1965 TV series LOST IN SPACE, where the Robinson family, on their pioneering quest to Alpha Centauri, is thrown off course and into deep space adventures. The … Read More

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