You must be J-ok’ing.

Besides a really, truly, awesomely disturbing DVD cover, this Mexican production is about as scary as watching Ray Romano try to find a second facial expression.

J-OK’EL is a horror movie with a difference – you want everyone to die.

A guy who can’t stop looking like Tom Cruise (Tom Parker – no relation to the guy who spanked Elvis) travels to the Mexico backwoods (I think that’s just another term for any city in Mexico) to search for his missing sister, believed to have been abducted by J-ok’el, the ghostly Weeping Woman, whom legend says drowned her own children and returns to drown more whenever there’s an indie script optioned.

When Mini-Cruise gets to Mexico, he first finds that everyone there is Mexican and doesn’t speak English, which shouldn’t throw him as he came from a place where everyone is Mexican and doesn’t speak English – California.

Then he finds his mother is crazier than the legendary Weeping Woman. Again, no surprise – it’s Dee Wallace, who, after becoming famous as “Elliot’s mom” in Spielberg’s E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982), somehow made it a point to only act in movies no one would ever see.

Tom searches vainly for his sister, and as the tension mounted, I fell asleep.

The filmmakers try sincerely for some eerie high points, and to give credit where it’s due, J-OK’EL won the Gold Medal for Excellence in the “Best Impact of Music in a Feature Film” category; also, crazy J-ok’el lady (Diana Bracho) has won and been nominated for many awards.

All that being said, bad acting, no acting, insipid acting and some jaw-dropping in-camera special effects make J-OK’EL nigh unwatchable – if you can stay awake long enough to not watch it.

END