THE TIME TRAVELERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Time and Time Again – Stealing from H.G. Wells. Not to be confused with the vanilla TIME CHASERS (1994, featuring that cleft-chinned Canadian anti-leading man), THE TIME TRAVELERS is one of those classic 1960’s thought experiments where scientists accidentally trap themselves in a bleak, blasted future society of 2071 – a “future” which is closer to our present, so which … Read More

FAIL-SAFE

Poffy The Cucumber

Failing at Safe. Bombing Moscow: the dream of every American chickenhawk politician during the Cold War. Bombing New York: the dream of every other country. In FAIL-SAFE, a grim parable about a war triggered due to a computer glitch, everyone’s dreams come true. Released in September 1964, only a few months after Stanley Kubrick’s DR. STRANGELOVE (Jan 1964), Sidney Lumet’s … Read More

GHIDORAH: THE THREE HEADED MONSTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Shooting laser beams at our balls. “The flying saucer people are obviously not going to arrive tonight.” The “Flying Saucer People”? Maybe that’s why. That’s one of the more sensible lines in GHIDORAH: THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER, another dimwitted Godzilla movie that brings together four – count ’em, four! – Japanese monsters to try and make a rip in each other’s … Read More

GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla’s Mothman Chronicles. The laugh-out-loud moment in GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA: Mothra uses his tiny little mothy feet to grab Godzilla’s tail and fly backwards, dragging Godzilla backwards along the ground, while Godzilla claws for purchase. The strength of this fluffy Lepidopteran! It’s another fine day in Tokyo, meaning it’s soon going to be raining daikaiju. (Thank you Toho Company!) A … Read More

MARY POPPINS

Poffy The Cucumber

Super-Wanky-Capitalistic-Excreta-and-Atrocious! An antique anachronism like MARY POPPINS should best be viewed through the eyes of Innocence. So for the benefit of young children everywhere, this movie will be reviewed not only by Poffy, but also by Poffy’s dolly, Pliffy. MARY POPPINS is wonderful adventure for kids like me, because I don’t think. It is colorful and magical and British. I … Read More

THE CREEPING TERROR

Poffy The Cucumber

Don’t Fear The Creeper. Worse than Ed Wood’s PLAN 9, worse than Hal Warren’s MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE, even worse than Michael Bay’s PEARL HARBOR. Not having been born when this movie was first released, I can only assume that it died the burbling, cinematic death it wholly deserved, released alongside the likes of DR. STRANGELOVE, GOLDFINGER and even … Read More