YONGARY: MONSTER FROM THE DEEP

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla – South Korea edition. After an unnecessary prelude with a married couple, a rocket orbit for no reason (the filmmakers displaying their complete ineptitude on space program dialect), and an earthquake caused by a dropped nuke, all of which have no connection to one another, but somehow share the same movie-space – out pops YONGARY! Looks like someone was … Read More

GAMERA VS. GAOS

Poffy The Cucumber

Pointy Birds. Pointy birds, so pointy pointy. Anoint my head. Anointy ‘nointy. — Steve Martin, THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS. Godzilla had Rodan, a giant marauding bird, so Gamera went one better and hatched Gaos – not just a giant bird, a giant pointy bird – from a volcano! With a head ornament styled after a shuriken star, and laser … Read More

THE DIRTY DOZEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Cleanup on Aisle Dirty. Classic! Explosive, action-packed, funny and filthy, THE DIRTY DOZEN is the best Boy’s Movie of the millennium! If you’re between 14 and 24, you will be inspired by this movie; it was the HALO 3 of its day. In World War II, twelve American military convicts, each a different flavor of crazy, are snatched from the … Read More

SON OF GODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

Baby moviemaking spawns baby monster. After taking forever to get to any kind of point, SON OF GODZILLA eventually settles into insulting our intelligence with a mindlessly boring story of a “baby Godzilla” hatching, and its mother?/father? Godzilla protecting it from predators and teaching it The Way Of The Rubber Suit. Shin’ichi Sekizawa proves his utter incompetence as a writer, … Read More

SHE FREAK

Poffy The Cucumber

A Grotesquerie – and not because of the freaks. MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 fans will regard SHE FREAK as “the one that got away.” The MST 3K boys always regretted not being able to rib some stinkers that they just could not acquire the rights to. And SHE FREAK seems a likely prospect that could have been at the top … Read More

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

Poffy The Cucumber

Before Eddie Murphy, there was MISTER Tibbs. Eddie Murphy’s proclamation of being a “nigger with a badge” in 48 HRS., though a wrecking ball for its time, pales when weighed against the first “nigger with a badge” to do some real psychological damage to white supremacy – Sidney Poitier in IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT. Poitier is Virgil Tibbs … Read More

GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER

Poffy The Cucumber

Still Racist After All These Years… I’m not racist – I have a black president. — Dane Cook, Isolated Incident, 2009. Affluent, white, liberal, San Franciscan parents, Matt and Christina Drayton (Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn) are stunned when their free-spirited daughter, Joanna (Katharine Houghton), returns from her holiday abroad, bringing home a “negro,” Dr. John Prentice (Sidney Poitier), whom … Read More