THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT

Poffy The Cucumber

Doug versus dinos, in a battle to the rubber suit! During World War I, German and British sailors onboard a U-boat encounter a prehistoric land where every dinosaur is trying to kill them – even the herbivores. THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT works reasonably as a war actioner in its first act, then forgets its war story to focus on … Read More

KISS | Alive!

Jon Dunmore

Headed For Commotion… he album cover is tectonic. You feel it shudder like those bad camera effects in 1970’s earthquake movies. If the San Andreas Fault formed a band, this is what it would look like. Lightning bolts on the guitarist’s body run in perfect action lines, like shockwaves turning his guitar upside down from the earth-shaking joltage. Shot in … Read More

KISS | Dressed To Kill

Jon Dunmore

So let’s Write an Anthem Right, and Pawdy Evv-ree Day! s I write, it’s October 2015, and we’ve all read KISS frontman Paul Stanley’s book Face The Music: A Life Exposed — oh, you haven’t yet? I suggest you do, Outlander… … so we know of young Paul’s search for fulfillment, of discovering that fame didn’t bring it, that fortune … Read More

TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

The Tyranny of Evil Men… Mechagodzilla is re-forged by aliens, and Titanosaurus is mind-ruled by scientists, sent to kill Godzilla, who is ass-raped by moviemakers. Opening montage: oh shit! – the American version – we can tell immediately: an American narrator pisses his pants trying to sound cogent during a Boolshit Maximus montage that he is clearly making up as … Read More

DEATH RACE 2000

Poffy The Cucumber

Disco Death. David Carradine can always claim that he once beat up Rocky! Grasshopper versus Balboa in a battle to the ketchup. After Carradine’s KUNG FU and before Sylvester Stallone’s ROCKY, the two renowned pugilists would clash in this DEATH RACE 2000 where arts were not martial, the most famous boxer was still Muhammad Ali, and acting was optional. It’s … Read More

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST

Poffy The Cucumber

One Cuckoo in Charge of the Rest. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, the story of one sane man’s carousel ride through an insane asylum, is one of the foremost statements on mankind’s descent into madness. Not because of the unbalanced patients – because of the unbalanced staff. Terrifying, poignant, gut-wrenching, from the acclaimed book by Ken Kesey (who hated … Read More

JAWS

Poffy The Cucumber

A Whale of a Tale. Da… dun… Da-dun… Dun-dun Dun-dun Dun-dun Dun-dun Dun-dun – toodle-oooo (those are the French horns)… When Steven Spielberg first heard John Williams‘s simple, ominous JAWS theme, he apparently thought it was a joke. Now who’s laughing? They just don’t make ’em like this anymore. Matter of fact, even this film’s director, Mr. Household-Name himself, Steven … Read More

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

Poffy The Cucumber

How We Know the Earth to be Banana-Shaped. Delivered on a budget which would hardly diminish the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow, MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL boasts the production values and inherent quality of a movie ten times its cost.A lesson in resourcefulness, HOLY GRAIL succeeds because it excels at what made Hollywood such a star-mart in … Read More

TOMMY

Poffy The Cucumber

Rock God as Singing Savior. Pete Townshend once said, “What’s good about great pop and rock is: it’s sublime and ridiculous at once.” He should know. He wrote Tommy. TOMMY The Movie, inspired by The Who’s 1969 concept album of the same name – about a traumatized deaf, dumb and blind boy who becomes a pinball-playing savior – is simultaneously … Read More