PETER CRISS | Out Of Control

Jon Dunmore

From KISS to this… lmost disco, almost MOR, almost pop, almost soul, almost KISS. KISS ex-drummer Peter Criss started recording his second solo album, Out Of Control, before he was officially out of KISS (March 1980, officially fired from KISS in May 1980), and it is the fame of his former band that is the sole problem behind this watery … Read More

GAMERA: SUPER MONSTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Tired Turtle. Stock footage Gamera re-battles all his favorite foes for his target demo – Japanese schoolchildren in painfully tight shorts. GAMERA: SUPER MONSTER is the final in the “Showa” series, which includes all the badly-acted, badly-produced GAMERA films since his inception in 1965. In a long line of worst films, Daiei Studios saved the absolute worst for last, aiming … Read More

CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC

Poffy The Cucumber

Please Stop The Music. The Village People Movie! At this point, did anyone take aside the manager of the Village People and say, “Uh, don’t!”? I can’t unsee this travesty. Or is CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC a biography? Formed by an overacting douchebag, named by an old woman, promoted by a slut ex-model, and none of them gay – nope, … Read More

COSMOS

Poffy The Cucumber

The real Encyclopaedia Galactica. KNOWLEDGE! Not just physics, not just astronomy, not just biology, or philosophy or mathematics; knowledge from every strand of human endeavor. Astronomer Carl Sagan ties it all together in an immense library of congress called COSMOS. First broadcast on Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) in 1980, to date COSMOS is still the most widely watched PBS television … Read More

CADDYSHACK

Poffy The Cucumber

No follow through. Yes, I know CADDYSHACK has entered the vernacular as a comedy classic, but it’s about as boring as watching golf. And whadaya know? – It’s about watching golf! Directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, starring Chevy Chase as a smart-mouthing rich golfer, Bill Murray as a harelipped groundskeeper, Rodney Dangerfield as … Read More

THE CHANGELING

Poffy The Cucumber

Haunting in Every Way. THE CHANGELING is one of the great classic haunted house stories, and arguably the last of its kind of supernatural thrillers. Here you will find all the classic ingredients that went into the best horror stories that ever made you brown your pants as a kid. George C. Scott is composer John Russell, who suffers the … Read More

THE BLUE LAGOON 1980

Poffy The Cucumber

Tarzan II: Electric Boogaloo. The very plot of THE BLUE LAGOON makes it a movie that can never be fully realized as entertainment or as the thought experiment it was conceived to be in the 1903 novel by Henry De Vere Stacpoole: two young kids stranded on a desert island must learn to live with nature, each other, and avoid … Read More

FRIDAY THE 13TH

Poffy The Cucumber

Lucky Number 13. This might not be the original Stupid Knife-Kill Flick (HALLOWEEN holds that crown) – but it’s definitely one of the stupidest. Director Sean S. Cunningham has a lot to answer for… Six teen camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, busy re-opening it after a tragedy years ago, are killed one by one on Friday the 13th. Movie opens … Read More

ALTERED STATES

Poffy The Cucumber

LSD Trip for Intelligentsia. In ALTERED STATES, Eddie (William Hurt) and Arthur (Bob Balaban) are two university scientists experimenting on human regression (mentally reverting to a primitive state) using an isolation tank and sensational drugs, with Blair Brown (the Rene Russo of her day) as Eddie’s supportive yet doubting wife. Back in the day when university professors could drop LSD … Read More

ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN

Poffy The Cucumber

ANY WHICH WAY is a “Right Turn, Clyde!” “Right turn, Clyde!” – and the orangutan’s fist shoots out the passenger window, impacting anyone dumb enough to have their face there. It’s just one of many running gags in this inexplicable, fuzzy film. ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN (sequel to EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE) opens with an illegal street fight, … Read More

STAR WARS: EPISODE V – THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Poffy The Cucumber

Empirical Satirical. Why is THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, the first of the STAR WARS sequels/prequels, the best of the STAR WARS franchise? Why did it cause such a disturbance in our pants? I considered long and hard and watched it again to assure myself that it was not just our collective imagination. It’s not. Collective imagination, that is. And it … Read More