Ghost stories for the sensible. HEREAFTER, produced and directed by Clint Eastwood, is a pondering of What’s Next from three very different human perspectives. Clint Eastwood is at that age when we would all be inclined to ponder the possibility of a Hereafter, a Life after Death (by definition, an impossibility, but for many otherwise clear-thinking humans, this paradox makes … Read More
THE KING’S SPEECH
A Royale with cheese. So the British Royals are ordained by God, eh? God moving in yet another mysterious way by “blessing” King George VI with a chronic stammer… Ergo, no God – or God’s an asshole. THE KING’S SPEECH is a fascinating insight into a non-publicized corner of English Royal history, revealing a sordid truth deeper than the question … Read More
THE FIGHTER
Trailer Trash Writ Glorious. In the first three minutes of THE FIGHTER, we realize that Christian Bale should not have won that Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in this film. He should have won for Best ACTOR. Yes, we know the technical definitions of “main,” “major,” and “supporting” characters – but really! Bale’s Herculean immersion into his wild-eyed character … Read More
RED
Red-Blooded American Funtime. A shoot-em-up, rock-em sock-em age-fest. RED is Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman; they’re ex-CIA, Retired Extremely Dangerous. You betcha – each of these operatives could wipe out whole cities: Willis with his arctic cool, Malko with his leering morbidity, Helen Mirren with her sexagenarian sexiness and Morgan Freeman with his pompous voiceover. The … Read More
UNSTOPPABLE
Train-ing Day. “In training they just give you an ‘F.’ Out here you get killed!” — Denzel in UNSTOPPABLE. Didn’t Denzel say that in his Oscar-winning TRAINING DAY? Same thing applies here in UNSTOPPABLE, a kinetic, racing steel headrush about an out-of-control, unmanned freight train a half-mile long, loaded with explosives, headed for the city of Pennsylvania. And only Denzel … Read More
FAIR GAME
Weasels of Mass Distraction. Dirt piggy Karl Rove made a statement in 2003, which reporter Chris Matthews relayed to Joe Wilson: “Wilson’s wife is fair game.” FAIR GAME is the movie that tells the low down dirty story that resulted from Dirt Piggy’s threat. Sean Penn plays U.S. Ambassador Joe Wilson and Naomi Watts plays his undercover CIA wife Valerie … Read More
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2
Are We Scare Yet? They should remove the word “Activity” from this movie’s title. Note to filmmakers: after nothing happens on camera for two minutes, no need to keep the camera running for another two minutes, guys. The problem with PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 is that it’s already been done – far better – by its own predecessor. It was innovative … Read More
SKYLINE
Invasion of the Puerile People Eaters. Not again! Aliens invade Los Angeles! And this time – they’re not Mexican. Hey, isn’t that the guy from SCRUBS? Donald Faison is a nuveau-riche movie star who sends for his best buds Eric Balfour to celebrate the spoils of fame – booze, babes and boats. The ride ends after just one par-TAY, as … Read More
TRON: LEGACY
Spandex Wonderland. My eyes hurt. Can you dial down the neon knights to a 7, guys? When I viewed the first trailers for TRON LEGACY, and saw that Jeff Bridges was involved, it was straight past buzz cool to grade school jubilation, “Ooh man! Yeees, my son!!” Jeff Bridges reprising the role that made his man-area famous for his tiny … Read More
THE EXPERIMENT
Inhuman Nature IS Human Nature. We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. — Kurt Vonnegut, “Mother Night.” Based on the infamous 1972 Stanford Prison Experiment, THE EXPERIMENT brings a group of men together in a mock prison, randomly choosing some to be guards and some to be prisoners. The … Read More
THE CRAZIES 2010
Crazy like a pox. Remake of the 1973 George A. Romero movie of the same name, THE CRAZIES is a simple, shallow, well-made thriller. A virus drives the people of a bucolic Midwestern town crazy and they start killing people. I don’t mean to nitpick, but killing is kinda natural for a species that kills to eat, to mate, to … Read More
SHUTTER ISLAND
Just dropped in – to see what condition my condition was in… The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. –John Milton, Paradise Lost. What a beautiful, sophisticated, mind-leveling thriller! SHUTTER ISLAND is not “scary,” but creepy, disturbing and filled with enough tension and intrigue to drown a plush … Read More
DAY AND NIGHT
The Message Within. DAY AND NIGHT is classic, old-school cartooning at its best; not just the expressive, hilarious drawings, but the ideas behind them – and within them! A short film before TOY STORY 3, this inventive little tale follows a “day person” and a “night person” as they clash in misunderstanding of each other. They are both merely cartoon … Read More
INCEPTION
Dreaming in Black and Baby Blue. Who was it that said, “Leo is soooo dreamy”? Everyone. So what’s all the fuss over INCEPTION? It’s Leo being dreamy; that is, appearing in people’s dreams. And hasn’t Leo appeared in ALL our dreams at some point? Ahem! Onward… Written, produced and directed by Christopher Nolan, INCEPTION proves once again that while everyone … Read More
MACHETE
Carving a niche for immigration heroes. If you really wanna be street cool, you’ll pronounce it ‘Ma-CHET-tay.’ The much-overlooked yet mustered Danny Trejo brings his battleground face to the title role of Robert Rodriguez‘s hilariously vicious MACHETE, the story of an ex-federale (code name: Machete) going undercover against illegal politicians against illegal immigrants. The hook is that Machete prefers as … Read More
THE GHOST WRITER
Ghost in the Machine. Ewan McGregor is hired as a GHOST WRITER to liven up the memoirs of disgraced British ex-Prime Minister Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan), an obvious analog for Tony Blair puling at the feet of the American administration then rewriting his legacy to make it sound like he wasn’t a lapdog. Spirited to a hideaway island, presented with … Read More
ROBIN HOOD 2010
Everything’s Archy. GLADIATOR and BRAVEHEART had a baby and they called it Russell Crowe. This ain’t Errol Flynn, this ain’t Adam Ant, and it’s certainly not Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, riding through the woods… This ain’t your daddy’s ROBIN HOOD; no swinging from vines in the forest, no star-crossed lovers, no archery competition, no “splitting his competitor’s arrow in twain,” … Read More
DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS
Movie For Schmucks. Steve Carell is a schmuck. And in DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS, Steve Carell is a schmuck, a bothersome new friend of Paul Rudd, who is not exactly a schmuck, but can’t seem to break into that comedy leading man status that he deserves. We presume his agent and manager and reader must be schmucks. Carell and Rudd do … Read More
UNTHINKABLE
The punishing stupidity of punishing stupidity. Many ways to view the torture-driven thriller UNTHINKABLE (now remember we’re trying to be neutral thinkers, objectively assessing the twisted unsolvable issues of religion and politics, so no man-acclaimed institutions should be capitalized): To show they mean business, authorities torture a person threatening to murder thousands. A muslim plants three nuclear bombs in three … Read More
KICK-ASS
Cuddly Carnage. “Okay, you cunts. Let’s see what you can do now!” Call me damaged goods, but I’m in love with Hit-Girl. And if her challenge above is how we approach every moviegoing experience, the moment 11-year-old Chloe Grace Moretz (as Hit-Girl) utters that taunt, the movie proves itself an irreverent, unrepentant, ruthless runaway rocket. In my pants. Based on … Read More