THOR: THE DARK WORLD

Poffy The Cucumber

The Dork World. Does anyone know what is going in THOR: THE DARK WORLD? Certainly not Thor, whose idea of “governing” is punching people. This sequel to THOR (2011) is like watching four grandiose movies squashed into the space of bitches slapping each other in a reality show. Marvel movies have so far been devoid of overwrought prelude backstories. Not … Read More

BULLET TO THE HEAD

Poffy The Cucumber

Bullets On The Brain. BULLET TO THE HEAD is Sylvester Stallone in Gritty Tragic Mode, an old-school hitman named Jimmy Bonomo, whose partner is killed by a mercenary after what should have been a regulation whacking. On the other side of the tracks, a cop’s partner is killed by the same merc in what should also have been a regulation … Read More

ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS

Poffy The Cucumber

When Nature Calls Through Its Arse. You either like Ace Ventura or you want to entrap him in a space capsule bound for the heart of the black hole at the center of the Milky Way. If you are of the latter persuasion, don’t read on. It will only prompt you to spend inordinate amounts of money on the space … Read More

THE BOURNE IDENTITY

Poffy The Cucumber

Bourne To Do It. Batman and Steven Segal had a baby, and his name is Jason Bourne. At least, he thinks that’s his name. After being pulled unconscious from a European ocean, Jason Bourne (Matt Damon, with that overly concerned look on his face that signifies he’s Acting) awakens with a head-throbbing case of Selective Amnesia in THE BOURNE IDENTITY. … Read More