The Way of Resting On Laurels, Bro. James Cameron’s AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER, like its predecessor, AVATAR (2009), will leave you agape at the superbly realized world it envelops you in; will leave you stunned at the scintillating imagination running wild on the silver screen, and yet will have you scratching your head at the lazy screenwriting and banal … Read More
MOONFALL 2022
…and we thought ARMAGEDDON was devoid of science. MOONFALL is Roland Emmerich’s latest disaster– I mean, disaster movie. The Moon de-orbits toward Earth, and only a conspiracy theorist can save the day! Thanks for giving conspiracy asshats a platform, Roland! John Bradley is the conspiracy nut, KC, whose wildest theories about the Moon being a megastructure built by aliens are … Read More
LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-07: MY FRIEND, MR NOBODY
Angela Cartwright: Star Lite. Penny gets her moment in the sun… or at least, on a planet orbiting a different sun, as she is the focus of this drug-induced episode, where she befriends a disembodied voice in a cave, only to have that voice attack her family via an earthquake through a misunderstanding, and for it to then reconcile with … Read More
LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-06: WELCOME STRANGER
The Garbled Gaslighting of Irwin Allen. What the Robinsons thought was a missile heading toward them in the previous episode cliffhanger, turns out to be a spacecraft. It lands, and a regular human man exits. He’s sporting a cowboy hat and a Southern accent. And all the promise that LOST IN SPACE showed in this first Season, as a serious … Read More
LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-05: THE HUNGRY SEA
The Plotline That Needn’t Be. I don’t think the writers know how spaceships work: that they insulate the people inside from extremes of cold and heat. Writers Shimon Wincelberg and William Welch want to get the Space Family Robinson into a situation not unlike the Swiss Family Robinson: out on the open sea in a raging tempest… So begins the … Read More
LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-04: THERE WERE GIANTS IN THE EARTH
Giant Cyclops, Tiny Science. First of all, that title – There Were Giants In The Earth. This ain’t Earth. And that fact alone should make the Space Family Robinson think twice about any interaction they have with the native fauna or flora… it doesn’t, as they go about eating the flora and killing the fauna, even though the movie year … Read More
LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-03: ISLAND IN THE SKY
Bubble-Headed Badboy and Deadly Dr. Smith. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) has gone out the airlock of the Jupiter to apparently “fly” down to the planet they are orbiting to scope it out. One would think there are instruments onboard the spaceship that would carry out all that spectroscopy and visual reconnaissance. Nope. The only piece of tech the writers … Read More
LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-02: THE DERELICT
Sinister Spaceships and Ferocious Furniture. The Space Family Robinson is pulled into a hulking derelict spaceship and attacked by lounge chairs. LOST IN SPACE Season 1 Episode 2 begins exactly where the last episode left off. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) is floating away from the Jupiter 2 after his tow-line has broken, as wife Maureen (June Lockhart) watches helplessly, … Read More
JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION
Insectovorus Plotarmordon. Dinosaurs are everywhere. Loosed on the world in 2018’s FALLEN KINGDOM, they’re now as ubiquitous as cats and dogs in JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION. The stars of JURASSIC WORLD, Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard, are teamed alongside JURASSIC PARK legacy players Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum, to take down Biosyn, the Big Bad Corp messing with … Read More
LICENSE TO KILL
Revenge is best served Bond… James Bond goes rogue, on a vendetta to destroy the man who tried to kill his best friend. LICENSE TO KILL cold opens with a gag copied by Christopher Nolan himself in THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012)! On the fly, James Bond hooks a biplane’s tail to a helicopter to drag it into custody, nose-down … Read More
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS
Bringing the sexy back. James Bond 007 is back, with a savage demeanor, a rocket-shooting car, a KGB plot, an illegal arms deal, a beautiful blonde, an even more beautiful secretary, and a double double-cross. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS takes its title from Ian Fleming’s 14th book and final collection of Bond short stories published in 1966, Octopussy and The Living … Read More
A VIEW TO A KILL
A View To A Stuntman. 57-year-old Roger Moore finally ages out of the Bond franchise, in his seventh and final fling as James Bond 007 in A VIEW TO A KILL, a movie that could easily win the prize for The Stuntman Most Looking Not Like The Star. The title is from the Ian Fleming short story From a View … Read More
NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN
To Bond or not to Bond. NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN is the Bond film that confuses everyone and gives Cubby Broccoli heartburn. Released just 4 months after OCTOPUSSY – the “authorized” Bond film from Broccoli’s EON Productions (starring Roger Moore) – NEVER was produced by Orion Pictures and, from what I can tell, was made out of spite by writer-producer … Read More
OCTOPUSSY
Eight times the vagina. James Bond was this close to being James Brolin. After five films as Bond, Roger Moore was ready to quit, he himself feeling that his age was becoming an untenable factor in the action-packed life of his playboy spy. After Moore’s previous film, FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, Albert “Cubby” Broccoli’s EON Productions went hunting for another … Read More
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
A film that goes Greek on us… James Bond 007 retrieves a missile controller from a sunken British warship, and helps a Greek woman avenge her parents’ murder while trying to go Greek on her. In the cold open, we meet Bond (Roger Moore, 5th time) laying flowers on the grave of Teresa Bond, “Beloved Wife of James Bond. We … Read More
THE SPY WHO LOVED ME
Spy Sandwich. James Bond 007 joins forces with his Russian counterpart Agent XXX to stop a megalomaniac sinking civilization beneath the sea. THE SPY WHO LOVED ME is Roger Moore’s 3rd Bond movie (from Ian Fleming’s 10th Bond novel, publ. 1962), and we can see how Moore’s fans might have come to regard him as “better than Connery” with this … Read More
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN
Moore suave, Moore sexual, Moore savage! Roger Moore slams into his second thrilling James Bond 007 actioner, THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (from the 12th Bond novel by Ian Fleming, publ. 1965), targeted by the world’s most expensive hitman, who is plotting to hold the world hostage to the golden sun. Cold open on the million-dollar hitman, Scaramanga. (Christopher … Read More
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER
Stupid is as James Bond does. DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER is one of those movies where you can’t get over the stupid! This film makes us wonder whether author Ian Fleming ever plotted his novels so badly. We place half the blame on director Guy Hamilton, who brought us the turgid stupid of GOLDFINGER, and half the blame on screenwriter Richard … Read More
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
…but you get endless chances to escape… James Bond in Japan! Pretending to be Japanese! It’s as horrifyingly racist as you think. And then some. When Jerry Lewis imitated an Asian, he used to squint his eyes, put in buck teeth and bow a lot. It was a broad hilarious caricature – but it was racist as hell, though probably … Read More
THUNDERBALL
Thunder-belles and Shirtless Sean! I lost track of how many women James Bond bangs in this movie. Is that why they call it THUNDERBALL? Truly, THUNDERBALL features the best-looking collective female cast of any Bond adventure! And there is not one standout beauty – they’re all stunners! The Blond Nurse, The Sisterly Agent, The Villain’s Naif, and The Redhead Slut. … Read More
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