GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA 1992

Poffy The Cucumber

Guest-Starring Godzilla… Mothra battles the evil moth Battra, while Godzilla gets in the way. GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA might be construed as a rematch (after the 1964 movie of the same name), if only Godzilla knew why he was here and what he was doing, instead of wandering around like a senile old man at a retirement community. Seriously, it would … Read More

GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS 2019

Poffy The Cucumber

A retconned Godzilla for a short attention span fandom. A Scientist is reanimating monsters (nay, “titans”) from subterranean hibernation around the globe, to bring balance to Earth’s environment through their radioactivity. (Get it? They’re being “woke” in more ways than one.) A titan named Ghidorah makes all the others do his bidding, causing them to destroy rather than renew. Too … Read More

SHIN GODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

Renaissance Zilla. Written like a bullet train, directed like a fighter pilot, SHIN GODZILLA is the most compelling Godzilla film since the original 1954 Ishiro Honda production, GOJIRA! Considering there have been 32 Godzilla films since that first dambuster (34 if you count the American remakes GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS and GODZILLA 1985), I realize what a killa zilla … Read More

GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH

Poffy The Cucumber

Tyrannozilla Godzasaurus. 2204 A.D. A two-man sub circles an undersea grave of a gigantic three-headed dragon named King Ghidorah. Computers reveal three necks but only two heads, the woman in the sub telling the man, “It originally had three, when it fought Godzilla in the 20th century.” CUT TO: 1992 A.D. Intriguing. But GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH gets stupid very … Read More

GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA II

Poffy The Cucumber

Mechasaurian Dinogodz and their place in history. Godzilla takes on another Mechagodzilla, while a Baby Godzilla hatches from a Rodan egg. Rodan transfers his energy to Godzilla via a dry hump, and filmmakers try to squeeze it past us that these creatures are all related to dinosaurs. Yes, GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA II, the 20th Godzilla film and 5th serious Heisei … Read More

THE RETURN OF GODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

The Rubber Side of Vengeance. Reboot, Japanese style. THE RETURN OF GODZILLA is the 16th film in the Godzilla franchise, the first of the Heisei series, and the original Japanese film that brings Godzilla back to the big screen. I know what you’re thinking, and I’ll clear it up right now: THE RETURN OF GODZILLA is not to be confused … Read More

GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE

Poffy The Cucumber

Whole Lotta Rosie. Godzilla versus a giant mutating rose! And all gardening breaks loose!… GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE opens directly after events of the last film (THE RETURN OF GODZILLA, 1984, the first of the Heisei series), with Godzilla falling into a volcano and getting trapped. As with all the Heisei series, emphasis is on the pitfalls of genetics rather than … Read More

GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH

Poffy The Cucumber

Crush-o, Kill-o, Dest-o-royah! Godzilla’s having a nuclear meltdown! GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH is the last of the Heisei series (that started with THE RETURN OF GODZILLA, 1984), and finds Godzilla battling a monster spawned from the weapon that killed the original Godzilla in 1954 – the Oxygen Destroyer! [dun dun daaah!] Subtitled “The Death Of Godzilla” (which should give you some … Read More

RODAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla with wings. Prehistoric Pteranodon destroys Japanese city. Military weapons have no effect on it. Burying it under a volcano works though. Such is the prosaic plot behind RODAN, a Japanese monster movie made while Godzilla wasn’t looking. The movie itself has its strong points, due to the talent involved – literally, the full team that brought us the original … Read More

GODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

Tampering in Godz domain… Giant monster terrorizes Tokyo. From the depths of hell it came, roaring, spitting fire, destroying civilization; black of heart and devoid of empathy. And it probably had a really small brain too. It was called – The United States of America… People think they know Godzilla. Even you think you know Godzilla. No, you don’t. That … Read More

GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Trying to fix something that ain’t broke – and breaking it. No, it’s NOT just the same movie re-edited. I speak for all cucumber reviewers when I contend – nay, insist – that the 1956 American re-edit of GODZILLA (1954), re-titled GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS, cannot, must not and should NEVER be reviewed with the original, even as a … Read More