ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD

Poffy The Cucumber

A film that takes us somewhere, yet goes nowhere. Quentin Tarantino once again brazenly rewrites history in his scintillating homage to La La Land of the 1960s, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD. Hollywood 1969. Two tales intertwine – one, a tale of an actor and his stuntman, hustling for work in a business that has moved past their cowboy … Read More

STAND UP GUYS

Poffy The Cucumber

Say goodnight to the bad guys… The KING OF NEW YORK takes SCARFACE for one last night on the town. Before he has to kill him. A comedy with heart – and imminent heart attack – as three aged wiseguys in their septs and octs wheeze about town on one last bender, partly in celebration of one of them being … Read More

THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK

Poffy The Cucumber

Just say (Paci)No. Before THE GODFATHER, there was an actor called Al Pacino. Francis Ford Coppolla would fight to have Pacino cast as Michael Corleone on the strength of his only starring feature film performance at the time – as the junkie in THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK. The rest, as they say, is omerta. Before he ruled the world … Read More

YOU DON’T KNOW JACK

Poffy The Cucumber

Terminator Salvation. Today is a good day to die. — attributed to Crazy Horse at the Battle of Little Bighorn Every day above ground is just another day above ground. — Poffy The Cucumber Idiot Sarah Palin might be inclined to call him a “Death Panel.” Doctor Jack Kevorkian. If you know the name, you know the game: euthanasia, assisted suicide, … Read More

88 MINUTES

Poffy The Cucumber

87 Minutes Too Long. In 88 MINUTES, Al Pacino is FBI forensic psychiatrist Jack Gramm, who puts away a serial killer, Jon Forster (crazy-eyed Neal McDonough) and gets a phone call on Forster’s scheduled execution day – a Darth Voice telling him he has 88 minutes left to live. Coincidentally, Pacino’s hair is so big, he looks like he is … Read More

RIGHTEOUS KILL

Poffy The Cucumber

Righteous Swill. Dream cast, nightmare script. What a shameless waste of Acting’s two elder statesmen. RIGHTEOUS KILL re-unites Robert de Niro and Al Pacino as two New York cops on the trail of a killer who is wiping out the city’s vilest criminals. The plot of MAGNUM FORCE resurrected, except in this movie, it’s Dirty Harry without the Dirty. Or … Read More

OCEAN’S THIRTEEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Lucky Number Thirteen. Like a rehabilitated version of its two retarded brothers, OCEAN’S THIRTEEN is still eye-candy (primary colors and insatiable set dressing screams at us within the opening five minutes), it is still big band bop underscoring a lavish, hedonist production, it is still man-toys squirming their taut butts through unutterably outlandish scenarios – but this time ‘round, the … Read More

GIGLI

Poffy The Cucumber

To tear or wear off the skin of; abrade; to condemn, decry, objurgate… GIGLI is an insult to gangsters, Italians, homosexuals, Al Pacino, lesbians, actors, retards, and even David Hasselhoff. First mistake: the movie’s name, and then having Gigli himself explain its pronunciation, like it was a running gag that was funny. Second mistake: Ben Affleck as Gigli, trying to … Read More

PEOPLE I KNOW

Poffy The Cucumber

Who You Don’t Know Could Kill You. Something happens after the first hour of PEOPLE I KNOW – it gets interesting. Up to that point, with Al Pacino playing lapdog to Ryan O’Neal, the startlingly beautiful Téa Leoni as an emotionally bereft television starlet, and a smattering of good actors in great roles, PEOPLE I KNOW seemed to stagger the … Read More

THE GODFATHER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Godfather Of Them All. It has been over three decades since its birth, yet THE GODFATHER reigns as the yardstick by which all other gangster movies are brutally scrutinized. From the magnificent acting, to the studied direction, to the 1940s era backdrop, to the sweep of the epic storytelling (which takes us from the sprawling dark corridors of New … Read More