So much potential, so little Fate… HENRY CAVILL IS BACK! No, wait – aw shit! – he’s gone again… Black Adam awakens from a 5000-year slumber. And only James Bond can sing him back to sleep. Born from the same magic as Captain Marvel (i.e. by pronouncing the word “SHAZAM!”), ancient protector Teth-Adam (Dwayne Johnson) is awakened by archaeologist Adrianna … Read More
BUNNYMAN VENGEANCE
Hare-Brained. Bunnyman is back. For BUNNYMAN VENGEANCE on the people who made him Bunnyman. With a backstory and arc retconned untidily into this third bunny-bonkers slasher dumb-fest. Writer-director Carl Lindbergh is trying (oh lordy! He tryin’!) to learn the art of filmmaking during the making of his artless films. It’s not just a bunny mindlessly roaming the American Midwest chainsawing … Read More
BUNNYMAN
I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Twat. BUNNYMAN will kill you with cuteness. Literally kill you. In the middle of Nowhere, America, six abysmal actors on a road trip are stalked and killed by a guy wearing a cute bunny suit. Good. Full marks to filmmaker Carl Lindbergh for writing, producing, directing and editing this cult slasher film, but NO … Read More
THE BATMAN 2022
Knight’s in Black Battin’. A young Batman, in his second year of fighting crime, feels futility mounting in his quest to rid Gotham of corruption. When he is enlisted to help Lieutenant Jim Gordon against a terrorist known as The Riddler who is killing politicians, he begins to question how high up the corruption goes, and is confronted with … Read More
BLAIR WITCH 2016
True Horror: no originality! By 2016, the “found footage” craze had run outa steam. But someone forgot to tell director Adam Wingard, as he dives deliriously into BLAIR WITCH, using supposedly “found footage” to construct this thriller (woooow! So revolutionary!) from five different shaky-cams of doomed 20-somethings hiking the Burkittsville woods, trying to find the girl from the first movie. … Read More
BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2
True Horror: no acting! THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999) was such a phenomenon that its sequel, BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 could afford to be set “in the real world” and regard that first film as if it was an actual film phenomenon in their world – a world in which everyone from Roger Ebert to MTV’s Kurt Loder … Read More
BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM: DELIVERY OF PRODIGIOUS BRIBE TO AMERICAN REGIME FOR MAKE BENEFIT ONCE GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
For Make Benefit of US&A. I was terrified that if Trump got in again, that America would be a democracy in name only… I felt very clearly from the start of the last administration that we were heading towards authoritarianism. And so I felt I had to do something. — Sacha Baron Cohen The moral of this story: You fuck … Read More
BILL HICKS: RELENTLESS
Today, a young man on acid… We need more comics today with the unbounded passion that Bill Hicks expresses in RELENTLESS – his disdain of all things that Satan is responsible for: religion, sex in advertising, the Supreme Court, rock stars who sell out, the stupidity and avarice of politicians, and women who don’t like giving blowjobs. Filmed in Montreal, … Read More
BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 2
Should I Bats or should I go? A decade after retiring, Batman has returned to Gotham. So has The Joker. A new police commissioner wants Batman arrested. And the president wants Batman dead – enlisting the aid of Superman. BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 2 concludes the epic journey of Bruce Wayne/Batman (voiced by Peter Weller) in his … Read More
BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 1
A Chinful Of Knight. Published in 1986, Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns was a watershed moment for The Batman. After a ten-year absence, a 55-year-old Batman returns to fight spiraling crime, though fiercer criminals and simple old age threatens to stultify his efforts to redeem Gotham. And then there’s the problem of exorcising his own demons that made him … Read More
BLADE RUNNER 2049
I’m too sexy for my existential crisis. He’s a BLADE RUNNER in 2049. And he’s a Replicant – a robot that resembles humans. And he hunts older-model Replicants that are not as gorgeous as him. And – unlike the last guy – he’s terrific at his job! Ryan Gosling is Agent K, a Nexus-9 Replicant, the newest products of the … Read More
BATMAN: THE KILLING JOKE
The joke’s on us. The Joker (voiced by Mark Hamill) intends to prove once and for all that even the most stable person is merely “one bad day” away from madness, so kidnaps Commissioner Gordon whilst maiming his daughter Barbara in front of him, and runs the Commissioner through a gamut of torture designed to tip him into lunacy, thus … Read More
BLADE RUNNER
Incompetent Killer of Incompetent Killers. He’s a BLADE RUNNER. He hunts Replicants – robots that resemble humans. And he’s terrible at his job. Deckard (Harrison Ford) is regarded as the indomitable hero of BLADE RUNNER, especially since his captain (M. Emmett Walsh) pulls him out of retirement to do a job that his best officer failed at doing – “retire” … Read More
BLEED 2016
Bleedin’ ‘orrible. BLEED opens with the hallmarks of a well-constructed thriller – in 1979, a young girl with a rune-like birthmark is hunted in a small American town for being able to talk to ghosts; in the present day, a pregnant woman with the same birthmark moves to that town. As a child, she and her twin brother regularly saw … Read More
THE BYE BYE MAN
Horror? Buh-bye. Don’t say it. Don’t think it. Say what? THE BYE BYE MAN. D’oh! The more you think about him, the closer he gets. You see things that aren’t there. You don’t see things that are there. He makes you kill people. Or kill yourself. Or something else might kill you. So, basically, just whatever then… “And you die … Read More
BEYOND SKYLINE
As told from the cattle’s point of view… BEYOND SKYLINE makes the same mistake as its predecessor SKYLINE (2010), a story about an existential threat, dumbed down to punching and lasers. The “poignant” throughline in BEYOND is a father fighting to regain his son. Goes from poignant to kooky when he’s fighting to get his son back from extra-terrestrial aliens. … Read More
BIRD BOX
What You Don’t See… sure can bird you. BIRD BOX is the movie M. Night Shyamalan tried to make with THE HAPPENING. When an unseen entity causes people to kill themselves, a lone woman and two kids brave the rapids to a refugee destination. Blindfolded. The hook in this compelling thriller is so audacious it works: “something” that can’t be … Read More
BEFORE I WAKE
When dreams come true – run! A couple discovers their adopted 7-year-old boy has dreams that become real. Which means his nightmares do too… BEFORE I WAKE is a solid supernatural thriller, involving young couple Jessie (Kate Bosworth) and Mark (Thomas Jane) adopting enigmatic orphan Cody (Jacob Tremblay), after their own 7-year-old son Sean (Antonio Romero) has died in a … Read More
BLACKKKLANSMAN
Afro-Con Ameri-Klan. All the scientists who worked in and for Germany in the 1930s lived to regret that they directly helped a sociopath like Hitler harm millions of people. Let us not repeat the same mistakes over and over again. ― Piero Scaruffi, software consultant, lecturer, publisher. There’s that CHAPPELLE’S SHOW sketch of the blind black Klansman who didn’t know … Read More
BRAIN ON FIRE
Mind Over Mind. BRAIN ON FIRE recounts a true tale of terror – journalist Susannah Cahalan’s battle against Anti-NMDA-Receptor AutoImmune Encephalitis; when your body’s immune system attacks your brain. What a thing! One might be inclined to say, That’s insane! Doesn’t your brain control your immune system? An attack on the citadel by its own populace! It’s unfortunate that such … Read More