THE CROODS

Poffy The Cucumber

Crood. Rhymes with Good. Nicolas Cage is a caveman with a lowbrow attitude toward life and forward momentum, and in the animated comedy THE CROODS, Nicolas Cage is a caveman with a lowbrow attitude toward life and forward momentum. He’s Grug, pater to a prehistoric family, who is faced with the decision to adapt or die. It’s the process of … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS

Poffy The Cucumber

Comedy is easy, getting murdered is easier. How does Woody Allen get away with murder? Allen writes and directs CRIMES AND MISDEMANORS, and let’s the murderer get away with it – as long as the murderer comes to a reconciliation with himself! By all accounts, isn’t that the most important realization that any human could have? It’s in all the … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CLASH OF THE TITANS

Poffy The Cucumber

Titan-ic Kraka-lacken. Greek mythology explodes in Harryhausen splendor! CLASH OF THE TITANS is written by Beverly Cross, directed by Desmond Davis, and stars Laurence Olivier as Zeus the king of the gods, but the man whose footprint makes this adventure fantasy memorable is the king of Dynamation – Ray Harryhausen! Blank-faced Harry Hamlin stars as Perseus, son of Zeus, half … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC

Poffy The Cucumber

Please Stop The Music. The Village People Movie! At this point, did anyone take aside the manager of the Village People and say, “Uh, don’t!”? I can’t unsee this travesty. Or is CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC a biography? Formed by an overacting douchebag, named by an old woman, promoted by a slut ex-model, and none of them gay – nope, … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CA$H 2010

Poffy The Cucumber

Where Ethics meets Greed – and Greed wins. An enjoyable thriller about a suitcase of CA$H being found by a young couple. And the young couple being found by the owner of the suitcase. Young couple Sam (pre-THOR, pre-acting Chris Hemsworth) and Leslie (Victoria Profeta) think all their financial troubles are over when a suitcase of cash falls from an … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CARNAGE

Poffy The Cucumber

Pwnage. Two couples whose sons were involved in a school fight meet to discuss how to deal with their sons. And fight. Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly are Penelope and Michael Longstreet, whose son lost two teeth being hit with a stick by the son of Nancy and Alan Cowan (Kate Winslet and Christoph Waltz). Film opens with Penelope … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

Poffy The Cucumber

Flying High on Red White and Hooey. While the fate of the world teeters over the maw of the military industrial complex, while terrorism is exploited to stultify freedom, while despotic oligarchy comes waving the flag of democracy, Captain America returns to punch things. CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER finds Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) aka Captain America growing up fast. … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

COSMOS: A SPACETIME ODYSSEY

Poffy The Cucumber

Starstuff Redux. COSMOS: A SPACETIME ODYSSEY is the 2014 “reboot” to Carl Sagan’s 1980 monument, COSMOS. Producers include Sagan’s widow, Ann Druyan, and FAMILY GUY Seth McFarlane; narrated by astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. 1. Standing Up In The Cosmos 2. Some Of The Things That Molecules Do 3. When Knowledge Conquered Fear 4. A Sky Full Of Ghosts 5. Hiding … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

COSMOS 2014: EPISODE 2

Poffy The Cucumber

COSMOS continues treading H2O. COSMOS: A SPACE-TIME ODYSSEY is an ambitious venture, treading in the footsteps of gods, attempting to explain Life, the Universe and Everything, while retaining a connectivity between the farthest galaxy, the smallest microbe, and you and I. The opening montage says it all, with its morphing images of a chasm into an eye, a spiral galaxy … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

COSMOS 2014: EPISODE 1

Poffy The Cucumber

COSMOS Lite for the generation of attention-deficit gamesters. They call COSMOS: A SPACE-TIME ODYSSEY a reboot (which is a fad term for movie properties rehashed due to lack of original scripts, brand recognition and merchandising venality). So this update of ever-changing scientific information is most decidedly not a reboot, but a new introduction to the same old information about Life, … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CHRIS ROCK: BIGGER AND BLACKER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Biggest and Blackest! The shot across the bow was BRING THE PAIN (HBO, 1996). A rising comedian then, now Chris Rock has honed his standup act to a knife-keen incisiveness in his third HBO Special, BIGGER AND BLACKER. On the famed Apollo stage in Harlem, New York, attired in shiny black leather, Rock paces like a jungle cat, spitting … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER

Poffy The Cucumber

Moulage of the Ripe Cheddar. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER: where characters we care not one whit for embark on a journey we have absolute zero interest in. After two movies, author C.S. Lewis’s epic saga of the magical Narnia universe is going nowhere fabulously fast. And by that I mean, director Michael Apted (THE … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE CHALLENGER DISASTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Hubris Greed Politics vs. Genius. For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. — Richard Feynman, “Report to Congress on Challenger Investigation 1986.” Indepth chronicle of Dr. Richard Feynman’s investigation into the Space Shuttle Challenger’s 1986 explosion. When I first heard about the TV movie, THE CHALLENGER DISASTER, I shrugged it off, … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CHRIS ROCK: NEVER SCARED

Poffy The Cucumber

Fearless and Peerless. A touch of Cosby, a sprinkle of Pryor – and a slam of Rock. CHRIS ROCK: NEVER SCARED is the comedian’s fourth HBO Special, recorded in March 2004 at DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C. And I almost feel guilty making the inevitable comparisons to his predecessors. Because he’s better than both of them. Yeah, I said … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

Poffy The Cucumber

A Hip New Reason for Tired Old Slayings. THE CABIN IN THE WOODS is about four painfully pretty college kids (and one Shaggy) being slasher-slain by zombies at said cabin. Seen it all before, right? But there’s a twist: the cabin is a front for a religious cult, who are in the business of luring college kids to this technologically … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CLOUD ATLAS

Poffy The Cucumber

Cloudy with a chance of Atlas. CLOUD ATLAS is six incredibly evocative movies mashed together to make one incredibly annoying one. It’s bolder than most movies, bigger than most, intelligent and well-produced, with epic sweep across past, present and future societies, with grandiose performances, seamless effects and what seems like a million hanging threads – until we realize CLOUD ATLAS is … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

Poffy The Cucumber

Monsters as men and chicks as objects. Not much depth in this Lagoon… Scientists discover a prehistoric “gill-man” in the Amazon. And kill it. A linear, basic monster thriller, CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, opens “scientifically” by narrating the cooling of the Earth and alluding to evolution to set up the premise that there may be unknown species skulking deep … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

THE CONSPIRATOR

Poffy The Cucumber

The SYSTEM is the conspiracy! We’re gonna put the SYSTEM on trial! — Jim Carrey, THE CABLE GUY. If you were wondering why director Robert Redford would re-litigate Abraham Lincoln’s assassination on film (how many times can they sink the Titanic, right?), then defer to Redford’s rationale: “It’s a story that no one knows about, connected to a story that … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

CONAN THE BARBARIAN 2011

Poffy The Cucumber

Muscles, magic, tits and blood. Just how much blood can spurt out of a human body when it’s slashed with a sword? Seems like you could fill a good-sized mopping bucket… CONAN THE BARBARIAN adheres dutifully to the sword and sorcery flow chart: big-chested Hero, big-chested Damsel, magical Villain seeking unlimited power; sword fights, quest for vengeance, damsel in distress, … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

COWBOYS AND ALIENS

Poffy The Cucumber

A shallow ripple in the Force. Is COWBOYS AND ALIENS a boring western movie, or a clichéd alien invasion movie? At some point, I wondered whether it was just a tax write-off for Stephen Spielberg, who seems to have phoned in his producer’s credit on this one. At least he hired Han Solo. A cowboy (Daniel Craig) wakes in the … Read More

Spread the love
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •