FERNGULLY: THE LAST RAINFOREST

Poffy The Cucumber

Fairies Wear Boots. A corporation is logging the Australian Ferngully rainforest – and the fairies don’t like it! So… conserving rainforests is not to preserve the complex ecosystem and therefore the delicate balance of life on Earth itself. No – it’s so FAIRIES will have a place to live. The film is dedicated to: “Our Children and Our Childrens’ Children.” … Read More

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FAME 2009

Poffy The Cucumber

Lame. At the time of its release, the original FAME (1980) was out of my demographic – I was too young to appreciate the tribulations of 70’s high schoolers balancing schoolwork and performing arts and aiming for their fifteen minutes. In this tepid remake – now I’m too old to care. Kevin Tancharoen helms this rushed production that flits through … Read More

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FREQUENCY

Poffy The Cucumber

Radio Da Da. And we thought BACK TO THE FUTURE covered all the angles of going back in time to change the present! Jim Caviezel is Jesus and Dennis Quaid his Heavenly Father, who speaks to him through a magical ham radio. Actually, Caviezel is a New York cop, his father a fireman who lost his life years ago. A … Read More

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FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS SEASON TWO

Poffy The Cucumber

The Conchords still Rock the Party. Can the frazzled lightning of FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS ever be re-captured in that bottle? In their second HBO season, Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, the eclectic musical parody duo Flight of The Conchords, return with a passion. And a lightning bottle. Second Season takes one full episode to take flight, starting out a … Read More

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FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS SEASON ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Ripping Musical Yarns from slightly to the right of Down Unda. FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS is Tenacious D without the raunch – but just as much a spank in the groin. That is, it will leave you breathless from laughing so hard (and you may have cracked a nut). Jemaine Clement (guitar/bass/vocals, Jagger-cool in his handsome ugliness) and Bret McKenzie … Read More

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FRIDAY THE 13TH

Poffy The Cucumber

Lucky Number 13. This might not be the original Stupid Knife-Kill Flick (HALLOWEEN holds that crown) – but it’s definitely one of the stupidest. Director Sean S. Cunningham has a lot to answer for… Six teen camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, busy re-opening it after a tragedy years ago, are killed one by one on Friday the 13th. Movie opens … Read More

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FUNNY PEOPLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Apatow’s Magnum Scrotus. High comedy, intense drama, and lots and lots of dick jokes. FUNNY PEOPLE is the best movie Adam Sandler has ever made. Because it’s a Judd Apatow movie. In it, he offers us his vulnerable “human” character (as he did in SPANGLISH, REIGN OVER ME), not his insufferable, jutting-jawed imbecile (BILLY MADISON, THE WATERBOY), or his “pretend … Read More

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THE FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX

Poffy The Cucumber

Toying with Tragedy. It’s TWELVE ANGRY MEN trapped in the desert. A cargo plane carrying a handful of military personnel and civilians crashlands in the Sahara. No radio contact, 130 miles off course, with no rescue prospects, food and water for eleven days… One of the passengers claims to be an aircraft designer and outlines a plan to rebuild the … Read More

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THE FOOT FIST WAY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Foot Mouth In. FOOT FIST WAY is the literal English translation of Tae Kwon Do. And the ancient Tibetan translation is Not Quite Comedy. Produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, Danny McBride‘s THE FOOT FIST WAY is an uneven bid at indie cult, as it explores themes of narcissism and self-esteem, filled with non-sequitur characters, bad actors, and … Read More

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FRENCH KISS

Poffy The Cucumber

French Crass. When one is in love one begins by deceiving oneself, one ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls romance. — Oscar Wilde, “The Picture of Dorian Gray.” Kate’s (Meg Ryan) love-of-her-life, Charlie (Timothy Hutton) travels to France, where he meets his love-of-his-life (Suzan Anbeh), and leaves Kate. Misbegotten, forlorn, neurotic, rudderless Kate pursues Charlie to … Read More

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FLASH OF GENIUS

Poffy The Cucumber

Motor City Mad Man. The David versus Goliath story – with David wielding an Intermittent Windshield Wiper. Antonio Meucci, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, Alfred Russell Wallace – all these men had their ideas stolen, only credited years, decades after their ideas had entered the fabric of society under other mens’ names: the telephone, Superman, evolution… Who knows how many … Read More

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FIREFOX

Poffy The Cucumber

Foxy Harry. If you don’t know Clint, don’t start here. FIREFOX is a dark horse in the Clint canon. It’s him all right, pulling all the Clint faces, slamming the same Clint right hooks – but the movie just lacks grip. Start with the seminal Clint (Leone’s DOLLAR trilogy), the early period Clint (HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER), mid-period Clint (EVERY WHICH … Read More

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FROST/NIXON

Poffy The Cucumber

and the Truth shall set you bleed… Peace/War. Life/Death. Truth/Lies. Frost/Nixon. Based on Peter Morgan’s stage play of the same name, from the stunning real life interviews that ex-president Richard M. Nixon granted British television host, David Frost in 1977, Ron Howard‘s compelling FROST/NIXON does what Oliver Stone’s milky W. never could – it gets the job done.What job is … Read More

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THE FOUNTAIN

Poffy The Cucumber

Doubtin’ The Fountain. Raving beauty, rabid camera angling and startlingly somber performances almost save this movie from its own convoluted and ambitious storyline spiraling down the artsy-fartsy toilet. The trailers for THE FOUNTAIN were extremely well done and conveyed the hero (Hugh Jackman) as traveling through time, pursuing his true love across the ages (Rachel Weisz) – then I watched … Read More

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FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

Poffy The Cucumber

More FOUR Bore. There’s something about the Fantastic Four that’s not all that fantastic: it’s called acting.Had to spin Joe Satriani’s Surfing with the Alien before spanking this review – ‘twas the only way I was gonna cyber-charge the cells after watching the soporific, yet tenuously linked FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER. As some of you 80s steel-belted … Read More

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FANTASTIC FOUR

Poffy The Cucumber

Fourscore Bore. Four scientists and a rich guy use Movie Excuse Number Seven to go up in the rich guy’s space station where they are all engulfed in Movie Convention Number Twelve (see “cosmic storm”) which gives them super powers. While using Movie Explosions Numbers Six through Twenty-Four, a story emerges as the Four scientists turn into Movie Stereotype John … Read More

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FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Raising Glory: the sham behind the glam. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend. – Reporter, THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE (1962). Director Clint Eastwood‘s waving-flag film is, ironically and thankfully, the farthest from a Flag Waving maroon-necker as a post 9-11 American movie can be. When I learned of this film’s production last year, I admit to … Read More

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THE FIFTH ELEMENT

Poffy The Cucumber

Slammin’, Glammin’ and Hammin’. THE FIFTH ELEMENT has spawned so many negative reviews (even whilst admitting to enjoying it) that I get the feeling critics are jealous that Euros can pull off an action blockbuster with as much brainless flair as Americans – with twice the guilty pleasure. In a future society realized in eye-fatiguing detail by writer/director Luc Besson, … Read More

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FLIGHT 93

Poffy The Cucumber

Flight of Fancy. Note to director Peter Markle: if you’re going to create a tribute to nobodies who become somebodies due to an airline tragedy, if you’re going to grease the wheels of racism and jingoism with agitprop, if you’re hoping to effectively manipulate and exploit the charged emotions of a nation’s populace – don’t use a toy plane for … Read More

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FUN WITH DICK AND JANE 2005

Poffy The Cucumber

Not Much Fun with Dick and Jane. To say that Adam Sandler is turning into a mediocre actor is a compliment of the highest order. To say the same thing about Jim Carrey is a tragedy for American Cinema. Not exactly a “boring” movie – but FUN WITH DICK AND JANE 2005 (remade from the 1977 movie of the same … Read More

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