KILLING GROUND

Poffy The Cucumber

KILLING GROUND is killing it. The MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) has tainted American storytelling so badly that even in a brilliant movie called UNFORGIVEN (1992), though all the characters do in fact remain unforgiven, yet the lead character finds redemption in his sinful state. So foreign movies, unbound by the juvenile strictures of the contradictory MPAA, are like … Read More

KEVIN JAMES: NEVER DON’T GIVE UP

Poffy The Cucumber

Never Don’t Just Watch. Let’s see: if a comedian still hasn’t said anything remotely funny or intriguing or insightful 32 minutes into their set, you can pretty much guarantee the rest of their 1 hour set is going to be just as shallow, unfunny and lame, right? Such is the case with the simpleton humor in KEVIN JAMES: NEVER DON’T … Read More

KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS

Poffy The Cucumber

Deus Ex Magica. Arbitrary magic. The last resort of bad storytelling. When Magic has no limits, when it works here but doesn’t work there, when it is employed as deus ex machina here, then forgotten there, just throw out the story and start again, because you’ve obviously written yourself into an illogical corner – and now you get to call … Read More

KONG: SKULL ISLAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Ape-ocalypse Now… Reboot. Gorilla style. In a cold open, two pilots – an American and Japanese – crash-land on a deserted Pacific island. It is 1944. They try to kill each other, in a foot chase that leads to a mountain ledge. As they grapple, something… YUGE… rises from below. A gorilla! No, not just a gorilla – a GORIL-LIL-LIL-LIL-LA! … Read More

KURT & COURTNEY

Poffy The Cucumber

Don’t Believe Anything Anymore. A documentary about Kurt Cobain, as confused, conflicted and depressing as Kurt Cobain. KURT & COURTNEY certainly looks and feels like a credible documentary, with its hand-held ethos and somber-bordering-on-ominous narration by filmmaker Nick Broomfield, but in the end, it only throws more fuel on the fiery controversy surrounding Kurt Cobain’s and Courtney Love’s relationship and … Read More

KICK-ASS 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Kicks it up a Cerebral Notch. No matter that KICK-ASS 2 loses the precocious and comedic tone of its predecessor (KICK-ASS, 2010), it remains a scathing exposé on the real world consequences of superheroing in a world that is more evil and twisted than any comic universe can comprehend. The violence is graphic, the swearing is viciously funny, the colors … Read More

KEITH RICHARDS: UNDER THE INFLUENCE

Poffy The Cucumber

The Smoothest Criminal. Nobody wants to get old – but they don’t wanna die young either. — Keith Richards. His face is the underside of a running shoe, his voice is weather-beaten phlegm, his fingers arthritic memories, smoke curling from a constantly-lit cigarette. So this is what Gollum is doing now? No wait, the guy in this documentary is Keith … Read More

KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK

Poffy The Cucumber

From Superheroes to Superzeroes. Rock band KISS (Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley, and Peter Criss) valiantly attempt to act in their first feature film, and I think that’s why people call this a horror movie. KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK is such an abysmal TV movie that KISS themselves forbad anyone in their presence to mention it. … Read More

KING DINOSAUR

Poffy The Cucumber

King Dinosaur Dropping. Four gifted scientists travel to the planet Nova in a technologically advanced spaceship and discover a prehistoric world, coming face to face with a Tyrannosaurus rex… Nah, actually four ignorant doofuses, the Teen Models of their day, travel to an imaginary planet that the excitable narrator makes up on the spot, in a child’s idea of a … Read More

KISS MY ASS

Poffy The Cucumber

Kicking Kissed Ass. KISS MY ASS is the 1994 home video release in conjunction with the 1994 album of the same name (Kiss My Ass: Classic Kiss Regrooved), but is a totally different rock animal. Unlike the album, it ain’t a bunch of popular bands doing KISS covers. It’s the Real Thing. On their 20th anniversary, KISS release another collection … Read More

KISS: X-TREME CLOSE-UP

Poffy The Cucumber

Hardcore hard rock. Shit’s about ta get RAYL! Twenty years after their inception, and a mere five years after their comical “documentary” EXPOSED, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley of KISS at last shed their 13-17 demo façade, grow a little facial hair, swear like they mean it, and tell it like it really is. Or at least how Gene Simmons … Read More

KONGA

Poffy The Cucumber

You konga be kidding me! It’s the British King Kong! Wait, you’re gonna name your movie KONGA – about a chimp that grows giant – and you don’t want to be compared to KING KONG? Okay, but what do we compare it to then? How about ass cancer? Super Brit Michael Gough is Dr. Decker, who comes back to England … Read More

KING KONG LIVES

Poffy The Cucumber

If by “Lives” you mean “Dies.” King Kong dies in more ways than one. Dying is easy, making rubber suits look authentic is hard. Emboldened, we presume, by the cult status of the GODZILLA franchise, the De Laurentiis Entertainment Group suits up an American actor in an ape suit for KING KONG LIVES, a direct sequel to KING KONG 1976. … Read More

KING KONG VS. GODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

King Kong versus King Of The Monsters in a battle to the meh! It’s Halloween. One of your idiot friends is in an ape costume walking around upright like a human, not making the slightest attempt to emulate an ape, and another idiot friend is dressed as an alligator and his long tail has knocked over the snacks table more … Read More

KING OF NEW YORK

Poffy The Cucumber

SCARFACE Lite, for those watching their gangster waistline. Christopher Walken is the KING OF NEW YORK. And in the movie of the same name, Walken is Frank White, a stylin’ drug overlord just outa jail, who reclaims his Manhattan territories by murdering every other would-be or wannabe dealer who moved in on his turf during his incarceration. Frank uses a … Read More

KINGS OF THE SUN

Poffy The Cucumber

The Sensitive 2000’s Male… 2000 B.C. that is. His exotic masculinity tapped different chords, promising the danger and excitement of all that was uncommon. –Rock Brynner, writing of father Yul in the biography, “Yul: The Man Who Would Be King.” Yul Brynner’s entertainer uncle gave the young gypsy one piece of laconic advice: “When you play for a crowd, lead … Read More

KISS ROCK THE NATION – LIVE!

Poffy The Cucumber

The new War Machine is now Dressed To Kill. For a KISS fan, KISS: ROCK THE NATION – LIVE! is the same great product we’ve come to expect from the Hottest Band In The World, their 11th video/DVD release; for a new fan or a non-fan who would like to sample KISS before diving in, this DVD is as good … Read More

KILLING THEM SOFTLY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Capitalism of Killing. KILLING THEM SOFTLY opens with scarring sound design and disturbing images of debris-strewn streets, and then launches into the poetry of small time hood-speak. (Mobalogue? Gangsternacular?) Writer-director Andrew Dominik (ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES, 2007) approaches an excellence in his writing and direction that is the closest thing to Tarantino without actually lazily copying him, as this … Read More

KNOWING

Poffy The Cucumber

Not Knowing what’s coming next. Astrophysicist John Koestler (Nicolas Cage) discovers a page of handwritten numbers from a 50-year-old time-capsule opened at his son’s school, figuring out that they are dates when disasters occurred. Some of the dates have yet to arrive. Shades of numerology, CONTACT, Revelations, ANCIENT ALIENS, Chariots Of The Gods?, writers Ryne Douglas Pearson, Juliet Snowden and … Read More

THE KING’S SPEECH

Poffy The Cucumber

A Royale with cheese. So the British Royals are ordained by God, eh? God moving in yet another mysterious way by “blessing” King George VI with a chronic stammer… Ergo, no God – or God’s an asshole. THE KING’S SPEECH is a fascinating insight into a non-publicized corner of English Royal history, revealing a sordid truth deeper than the question … Read More