MAD MAX

Poffy The Cucumber

Arc of a Driver. Mel Gibson is mad. We know that now. But in 1979, he was madder. As MAD MAX. “A Few Years From Now” in a blasted ochre wasteland of cars and guns, lone highway cop Max Rockatansky (Gibson) goes Mad Mel on the bike gang that killed his wife and child. MAD MAX started it all. We … Read More

MACHINE GUN PREACHER

Poffy The Cucumber

Rebel With A Cause. Chronicling the true story of an American religious convert in Sudan, MACHINE GUN PREACHER stars Gerard Butler as Sam Childers, a Pennsylvania ex-con who found his calling rescuing kidnapped children from militant terrorist mobs in Africa. It’s an incredible tale, commendable, inspiring, honorable, humane and laudable… … and by “laudable” I mean “Lord-able”… And that’s where … Read More

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

Poffy The Cucumber

Car Chase as Metaphor for a Brave Mad World. We’ve been promised this movie for over a decade; since Mel Gibson was not a Nazi and still looked good in hot pants. Was it worth the wait? Hells to the exploding musclecar yes! MAD MAX: FURY ROAD is a ballet of fiery incandescence, a violent visual poem of psycho-licious demolition … Read More

THE MACHINE

Poffy The Cucumber

Too intelligent for its steel jugs. A female robot with artificial intelligence! In other words, a female. Dark and dispiriting, asking disturbing questions about mind and morality, THE MACHINE mirrors a synergy in motion pictures and techno-culture, intent on pinpointing what makes human beings human. The near future. No MAD MAX apocalypse yet, though leaning in that direction, if the … Read More

MONTY PYTHON: AND NOW FOR SOMETHING RATHER SIMILAR

Poffy The Cucumber

Monty Python – The Autumn Years. Their legs are grey, their ears are nulled, their eyes are old and bent. IT’S. Monty Python’s Flying Circus 2014. Oh, and one of them’s been dead for over 25 years like a very naughty boy. MONTY PYTHON: AND NOW FOR SOMETHING RATHER SIMILAR is a documentary by IMAGINE, a BBC TV series (Season … Read More

MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE

Poffy The Cucumber

Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always. Not dead the way you know it. MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE is to movies what a car accident with a head in the street is to traffic. Untold tragedy. People die. Lives change. No, that’s not the car accident – that’s from watching MANOS. But you cannot … Read More

MODERN TIMES

Poffy The Cucumber

The Future Back Then. Little Tramp meets Little Trampette, and all Industrial Revolution breaks loose! It’s MODERN TIMES in 1936! The machines are taking over; industrialization is cutting jobs, and those jobs that remain are repetitive, drudgerous tasks that drive men batty. Such is the case with the Little Tramp (Charlie Chaplin), whom we meet working a “modern” assembly line. … Read More

MACHETE KILLS

Poffy The Cucumber

Cutting Coyote Comedy. I can’t tell whether MACHETE KILLS is stupider than EXPENDABLES 2 or smarter than JACK REACHER. Knowing that director/co-writer Robert Rodriguez intentionally crafts this movie with tongue planted firmly in Danny Trejo‘s ass cheek (sorry about the visual) affords it some leeway, however the hyper-reality clashes so discordantly with the ultra-stupidity that Wile E. Coyote called and … Read More

MOVIE 43

Poffy The Cucumber

Disgusting Inappropriate Filthy Hilarious Hellspawn Godsend. Specifically designed to make you call your Congressman and complain, MOVIE 43 will offend, distress, embarrass, infuriate, ejaculate, and give you anal warts. Not your average ensemble cast movie where everyone is trying to be more serious than their peers in order to win that Golden Globe, MOVIE 43 takes its A-Listers, jams them … Read More

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN ARM

Poffy The Cucumber

The Ham With The Golden Charm. Frank Sinatra an addict? So what’s new? Maybe the real life Sinatra wasn’t on heroin, as depicted in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN ARM, but he had his addictive vices. We all know them: booze, broads, bands. But then, everyone commits themselves to something. If you’re going to call commitment or heady enjoyment an … Read More

MUD

Poffy The Cucumber

Love hurts/stinks/uplifts: message clear as mud. His name is Mud. And his name is pretty much mud. And the movie is MUD. Now isn’t that convenient?! But MUD is not about Mud. He’s just a device to drive the story of young Ellis, who learns hard life lessons upon meeting him. Ellis is 16-year-old Tye Sheridan, and this movie belongs … Read More

MIGHTY JOE YOUNG

Poffy The Cucumber

If KING KONG and Disney had a deformed baby… Ever seen one of those tragic movies that you loved but just wished wished wished it could’ve ended differently? Like SCARFACE or KING KONG or ROMEO AND JULIET? Well, if you wondered how KING KONG might’ve looked with a happy ending, look no further than MIGHTY JOE YOUNG. Produced by the … Read More

THE MAN FROM BEYOND

Poffy The Cucumber

The Man Beyond Men playing a Man from Beyond. In 1922, an Arctic expedition finds a man frozen in the ice since 1820, thaws him out, and introduces him to “modern” society, where he meets a girl named Felice, whom he thinks is his lost love named Felice; she proves to be a descendant of the original Felice, and, like … Read More

MIRROR MIRROR 2012

Poffy The Cucumber

Snow Shite and the Repression Dwarfs. Snow White with a unibrow! A retelling of Snow White from the wicked queen’s point of view. Which means MIRROR MIRROR makes as much sense as every other point of view – none. Unnecessary special effects (that are not that special when overused to this extent), intentionally juvenile performances and irritating editing make this … Read More

MY BRILLIANT CAREER

Poffy The Cucumber

An old fashioned tale of a new fashioned woman. Near the turn of that last century (1897), a young girl from a poverty-stricken family in the Australian outback dreams of being a writer, against the wishes of her family, and against the inculcation of a society that believed every woman should be aimed toward marriage-sans-career because “Marriage gives us respectability, dear” … Read More

MOTHMAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Like a Moth to a Lame… In MOTHMAN, the eponymous man-moth returns to the small town of Point Pleasant to avenge a murder that has gone unpunished. And all cheap special effects break loose. A group of Point Pleasant teens accidentally kill one of their own on a camping trip. Instead of alerting the authorities to what was a prank … Read More

METROPOLIS

Poffy The Cucumber

Fritz Lang and Karl Marx had a nightmare-child… METROPOLIS, Fritz Lang’s stunning 1927 masterpiece on class warfare, is an ancient German expressionist film set in the future – but its message is as current as bank bailouts destroying the world economy. As soon as mankind aggregated into social groups, class warfare arose, and continues – from hunter-gatherers to Utopian futures … Read More

MITT

Poffy The Cucumber

On Planet Mitt, no one can hear you fake-laugh… Not everybody is comfortable with the idea that politics is a guilty addiction. But it is. They are addicts, and they are guilty and they do lie and cheat and steal – like all junkies. And when they get in a frenzy, they will sacrifice anything and everybody to feed their … Read More

MARY POPPINS

Poffy The Cucumber

Super-Wanky-Capitalistic-Excreta-and-Atrocious! An antique anachronism like MARY POPPINS should best be viewed through the eyes of Innocence. So for the benefit of young children everywhere, this movie will be reviewed not only by Poffy, but also by Poffy’s dolly, Pliffy. MARY POPPINS is wonderful adventure for kids like me, because I don’t think. It is colorful and magical and British. I … Read More

MOONRAKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Moonraper. 007. In space! It’s not as epic, or even as amusing, as it sounds. Matter of fact, MOONRAKER, once the highest-grossing of the Bond franchise, is probably the worst James Bond movie ever. This whole enterprise reminds me of KISS. When disco was stomping the charts in the late ’70s, KISS – ever the commercialists – jumped the night … Read More