ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD

Poffy The Cucumber

A film that takes us somewhere, yet goes nowhere. Quentin Tarantino once again brazenly rewrites history in his scintillating homage to La La Land of the 1960s, ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD. Hollywood 1969. Two tales intertwine – one, a tale of an actor and his stuntman, hustling for work in a business that has moved past their cowboy … Read More

OCULUS

Poffy The Cucumber

Illusion Occlusion. It’s all done with mirrors! A haunted mirror. A spinner redhead. A ship’s anchor. Things in a chilling, original, truly eerie horror movie. Is it real, or is it OCULUS? There is no escape from what you think you see. Kinda like TMZ. Feisty Kaylie Russell (Karen Gillan) tries to destroy an antique mirror from her childhood, claiming … Read More

OCEAN’S 11

Poffy The Cucumber

Koo-Koo Eleven. They’re not master thieves – they’re ex-paratroopers. And they’re going to rob five Las Vegas casinos. Koo-koo, baby! Frank Sinatra is Danny Ocean in OCEAN’S 11, a breezy heist flick that is too cool for its own Camel filtered cigarette, too slick for its own Brylcreemed pompadour, too koo-koo kutchoo for its own swingin’ hep cats. Like his … Read More

OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN

Poffy The Cucumber

DIE HARD in the White House. OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN but don’t worry – John McClane is there to– I mean, Gerard Butler is there to pick it back up again. North Korean terrorists take over the White House, and Secret Service Black Ops Special Forces Seal Team Ninja Mission Impossible Flames-Comin-Out-De-Side Agent Gerard Butler is the fly in the ointment, … Read More

OUR IDIOT BROTHER

Poffy The Cucumber

Our Idiot Movie.  A gentle, gullible soul causes problems for his three sisters with his big mouth. OUR IDIOT BROTHER is Paul Rudd. Busted for selling dope to a police officer (who was in uniform and asking for dope), Ned (Rudd) has just exited jail, with no job and nowhere to live, so juggles his time between his three sisters, … Read More

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

Poffy The Cucumber

Follow the yellow slick road… An origin tale of how a sideshow charlatan becomes the Wizard of Oz, OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL is as wondrous and exciting as the film that inspired it, which means it is kaleidoscopically trippy and makes no sense. In 1905 sepia-toned Kansas, James Franco is carnival magician Oscar Diggs, a womanizing narcissist, swept away … Read More

OBLIVION

Poffy The Cucumber

Oblivious to its progenitors? Up here in space / I’m looking down on you. My lasers trace / Everything you do. You think you’ve private lives – think nothing of the kind. There is no true escape – I’m watching all the time. I’m made of metal My circuits gleam. I am perpetual I keep the country clean. — Judas … Read More

THE OFFICE

Poffy The Cucumber

Office Spaced. Genius Ricky Gervais forges one of the greatest comedy series in history, co-writing, co-directing and starring in THE OFFICE. No punchline required. Before we proceed with this joyous excursion into comedic venality, let us clarify the world in which we live in (thank you, Paul!): there is only *one* THE OFFICE. That is: Ricky Gervais’s and Stephen Merchant’s … Read More

OUTLAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Outland-ish. It’s HIGH NOON in space. Well, sort of. Well, not exactly. Well, not at all. HIGH NOON (1952) is about the dark side of human frailty. OUTLAND is about some space outlaws too stupid not to shoot their cowboy guns in a pressure dome. Director-writer Peter Hyams: he knows the “how” to make a film, he knows the “where” … Read More

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST

Poffy The Cucumber

One Cuckoo in Charge of the Rest. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, the story of one sane man’s carousel ride through an insane asylum, is one of the foremost statements on mankind’s descent into madness. Not because of the unbalanced patients – because of the unbalanced staff. Terrifying, poignant, gut-wrenching, from the acclaimed book by Ken Kesey (who hated … Read More

THE OTHER GUYS

Poffy The Cucumber

Finding the Other Mark Wahlberg. When two outlandishly virile street cops are downed by their own hubris, the race is on to see which desk jockeys can step up as the next department heroes. The supercops are Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson, on minimum screentime and maximum testosterone; taking satirical aim at the exact macho roles they’ve played all … Read More

ORPHAN

Poffy The Cucumber

The Kid Ain’t Kidding. Kids are scary to begin with. Little adults with big heads who pretend they don’t know what we’re saying. They’re like clowns: some people find them fun; most know they’re evil. So in ORPHAN, when an upscale couple with two children adopt a 9-year-old orphan with scary theme music, familial bliss is not in the flow … Read More

OBSESSED

Poffy The Cucumber

Hell hath no apathy, like a woman scorned. A married man’s secretary comes between him and his wife. Well, she doesn’t really come between them, so much as try to seduce him with small talk and dirty martinis, get almost naked in front of him, almost have sex with him in a toilet stall and gives him a Crudo CD. … Read More

THE OX-BOW INCIDENT

Poffy The Cucumber

Vengeance is Swine. Play with fire, you burn your fingers and / Lose a hold of the flame, oh It’s over, it’s done / The end is begun If you listen to fools… The Mob Rules! — Black Sabbath, “Mob Rules.” It’s Twelve Angry Cowboys! Long before Henry Fonda was sequestered in a jury room trying to convince a buncha … Read More

OPEN WATER 2: ADRIFT

Poffy The Cucumber

Sea Legs in the second act. Breezed past OPEN WATER 2: ADRIFT on cable one night and stopped to watch the trainwreck, thinking, “this might be good for a laugh”… However, after the tiresome first act, ADRIFT gets surprisingly good. Surprisingly fast. To be fair, you must know some things going into this movie. It was originally called simply ADRIFT, … Read More

OBSERVE AND REPORT

Poffy The Cucumber

Report: C+. OBSERVE AND REPORT doesn’t totally suck. But I can see how people might think it does. If star Seth Rogen‘s career escalates, it might even turn into a cult fave. If writer-director Jody Hill (THE FOOT FIST WAY, 2008) can fine-tune his meandering storytelling style in the future with a bigger hit, it will. This comedy is so … Read More

OPEN WATER

Poffy The Cucumber

Body of Beauty in Body of Water. Based on a true incident, OPEN WATER tells the speculative tale of two deep-sea divers accidentally abandoned by their diving party in Caribbean open water. Daniel (Daniel Travis) and Susan (Blanchard Ryan – one of the most beautiful actresses of our day) are the divers, on a tropical getaway to patch up marital … Read More

OCEAN’S THIRTEEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Lucky Number Thirteen. Like a rehabilitated version of its two retarded brothers, OCEAN’S THIRTEEN is still eye-candy (primary colors and insatiable set dressing screams at us within the opening five minutes), it is still big band bop underscoring a lavish, hedonist production, it is still man-toys squirming their taut butts through unutterably outlandish scenarios – but this time ‘round, the … Read More

OVER THE HEDGE

Poffy The Cucumber

Die Hard With A Woodland Critter Vengeance. It is a pity that the quality of the storyline of these modern 3D animation features does not always match the level of talent that goes into their animation. OVER THE HEDGE uses the most modern computer technology to animate the most ancient of storylines: lone racketeer cons group of patsies into doing … Read More

OCEAN’S TWELVE

Poffy The Cucumber

“1 Louder” Than Ocean’s Eleven. Sesame Street is having an aneurysm over this movie’s slogan: “Twelve is the new Eleven.” Having nailed the formula down pat with OCEAN’S ELEVEN – ridiculously implausible action and pulp coincidences, snide and smarmy rock soundtrack (evoking a Guy Ritchie élan), smash-cuts and wobbling steadicams, overlapping, smartass dialogue, and A-List megastars glutting all 70 millimeters … Read More