YOU’RE NEVER TOO YOUNG

Poffy The Cucumber

It Never Gets Old… Jerry Lewis, whose whole shtick is “an adult playing a kid,” gets to play an adult playing a kid, in YOU’RE NEVER TOO YOUNG. And Dean Martin, as usual, can’t tell the difference. Jerry is Wilbur Hoolick (of COURSE that’s his name), an aspiring barber, planted with a stolen diamond and then pursued by the diamond … Read More

YONGARY: MONSTER FROM THE DEEP

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla – South Korea edition. After an unnecessary prelude with a married couple, a rocket orbit for no reason (the filmmakers displaying their complete ineptitude on space program dialect), and an earthquake caused by a dropped nuke, all of which have no connection to one another, but somehow share the same movie-space – out pops YONGARY! Looks like someone was … Read More

THE YOUNG MESSIAH

Poffy The Cucumber

The Cramming Chronicle. He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy! — MONTY PYTHON’S THE LIFE OF BRIAN. And yea, 6,000 years ago, God did create the Earth. It took him two days, for he was a lazy god. And lo, Adam and Eve did eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden, … Read More

YOU’RE NEXT

Poffy The Cucumber

Killing for Dummies. Assassins of a rich family find that one of their intended victims is conveniently a “survivalist” who can kick their assasses. You know how those Fosters beer commercials make Australians look really tough? Or in the Aussie vernacular: “mike Aussies look rooly as tough as”? Turns out they’re true! In the stereotypical slasher porn flick YOU’RE NEXT, … Read More

YOU’VE GOT MAIL

Poffy The Cucumber

You’ve Got Fail. There’s nothing like a good romance. And YOU’VE GOT MAIL is nothing like a good romance. You see, it’s trying to sell us “romance” via e-mail. And the very nature of electronic mail – digitization, depersonalization – removes the elements that romance is built upon. Writer-director Nora Ephron has taken an old story (Ernst Lubitsch’s THE SHOP … Read More

YOUR HIGHNESS

Poffy The Cucumber

Their Lowness. The trailers fooled us with witty asides and raunchy innuendo, but YOUR HIGHNESS is a fast-paced slow-brainer for people who like to hear swear words unsurrounded by actual comedy. Not only sophomoric – uninvolving and uncomfortably devoid of laughs, with sloppy, predictable writing, direction and story; Danny McBride at his unfunniest as a slacker prince; James Franco as … Read More

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Poffy The Cucumber

A dweeb by any other name… In YOUTH IN REVOLT, ill-defined characters populate a trailer trash landscape, with dialogue trying way too hard to be JUNO. Even Michael Cera is sick of how dweeby he is. He’s willowy Nick Twisp, who invents an alter-ego to be able to find the audacity to break his virginity with the girl of his dreams, … Read More

YOU DON’T KNOW JACK

Poffy The Cucumber

Terminator Salvation. Today is a good day to die. — attributed to Crazy Horse at the Battle of Little Bighorn Every day above ground is just another day above ground. — Poffy The Cucumber Idiot Sarah Palin might be inclined to call him a “Death Panel.” Doctor Jack Kevorkian. If you know the name, you know the game: euthanasia, assisted suicide, … Read More

YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Political Palestinian-Israeli Zionist Hairdresser Sex Comedy. YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN messes with our brains. Because it’s actually funny. Messing with our preconceptions that Adam Sandler is a mindless jerk, writers Sandler, Robert Smigel and the great Judd Apatow give us ridiculous piled on absurd and nipple-pinched by insane. And thankfully, mediocre director Dennis Dugan (his imdb directorial ratings … Read More

YEAR ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

The Year of Living Safely. Either Jack Black is being reined in with a poor script, squelched by a conventional director, or he’s just plain gettin’ too old for this shit. Maybe a combo-wombo of all three? YEAR ONE is a missed comedic opportunity, crying in the wilderness like Charlton Heston as Moses; a biblical comedy of pamphlet proportions. Black … Read More

YES MAN

Poffy The Cucumber

YES means Mo.’ In YES MAN, anti-social Carl (Jim Carrey) has been sinking lower into negativity since leaving his girl, Stephanie (Molly Sims), making dumb excuses not to attend any social events with his friends, turning down loan applications at his job, saying ‘no’ to life in general, spending every night blankly watching DVDs in his apartment. Kinda like you’re … Read More

Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Putting the “coming” back in coming-of-age. A road trip of self-discovery (aren’t they all?); two impulsive, inexperienced teens, a strife-torn Mexico, several backstories which would kill a horse – and a magnificent rack. Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN (“And Your Mama Too”) reeks of everything that makes an independent film good (full-blooded characters, unrushed storyline and editing, no CGI, and superb … Read More