BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Should I Bats or should I go? A decade after retiring, Batman has returned to Gotham. So has The Joker. A new police commissioner wants Batman arrested. And the president wants Batman dead – enlisting the aid of Superman. BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 2 concludes the epic journey of Bruce Wayne/Batman (voiced by Peter Weller) in his … Read More

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 1

Poffy The Cucumber

A Chinful Of Knight. Published in 1986, Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns was a watershed moment for The Batman. After a ten-year absence, a 55-year-old Batman returns to fight spiraling crime, though fiercer criminals and simple old age threatens to stultify his efforts to redeem Gotham. And then there’s the problem of exorcising his own demons that made him … Read More

BATMAN: THE KILLING JOKE

Poffy The Cucumber

The joke’s on us. The Joker (voiced by Mark Hamill) intends to prove once and for all that even the most stable person is merely “one bad day” away from madness, so kidnaps Commissioner Gordon whilst maiming his daughter Barbara in front of him, and runs the Commissioner through a gamut of torture designed to tip him into lunacy, thus … Read More

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

Poffy The Cucumber

A kinetic new vision for the next generation of man-spider fans. Much like THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE, SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE is simultaneously ensconced in, and standing apart from, the Cinematic Universe its titular character inhabits, roaming freely in any entertaining direction it fancies, combining, referencing and cross-pollinating canon from its 56-year spectrum of spider-comics and spider-movie lore. As if … Read More

GERTIE THE DINOSAUR

Poffy The Cucumber

Prehistoric Precursor. The first Cartoon, Movie Maniacs! GERTIE THE DINOSAUR is an animated, silent, black-and-white short film, written, produced, directed and animated by cartoonist Winsor McCay, and for its innovation, ingenuity and primacy, we forgive it for its many shortcomings. The story is brutally banal: A man makes a bet that he can animate a dinosaur, shows off the results … Read More

FINDING DORY

Poffy The Cucumber

FINDING DORY is lost at sea. She worked so well as a supporting character in FINDING NEMO (2003) that Pixar spins off Dory’s origin story in FINDING DORY – and only ends up highlighting what a horrifying brain disease she suffers from. Dory (voiced by Ellen DeGeneres), a blue tang fish with short term memory loss, first appeared in the … Read More

CASPER

Poffy The Cucumber

Ghostly Brio. He’s the friendliest ghost you know. No, not Patrick Swayze – Casper, The Friendly Ghost. Though grownups might / Look at him with fright / The children all love him so. After innumerable comics, television shows and theater shorts, Casper makes the spirited leap to full-length feature film in CASPER, a live-action adventure melded with excellent 3D animation. … Read More

THE JUNGLE BOOK 2016

Poffy The Cucumber

Bare Man-cessitites. Am I evil? Yes I am! Am I evil? I am Man! — Diamond Head, “Am I Evil” THE JUNGLE BOOK is “Based on the books by Rudyard Kipling,” which means it is based on the 1967 Disney cartoon. That’s all this is – the Disney cartoon remade as a CGI-animated feature. No mention of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi and Nag, … Read More

DESPICABLE ME 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Ain’t Quite Despicable. And that’s not good. Is it?… Ex-supervillain Gru (voiced by Steve Carell), now a family man with three adopted daughters and a host of minions to provide for, is called into service by the Anti-Villain League to help track down a new supervillain. The original 2010 animated feature DESPICABLE ME hit the world like a cute and … Read More

THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE

Poffy The Cucumber

Angry Birds so Roundy Roundy. A flock of flightless birds on an isolated island has their eggs stolen by a group of pigs. The birds angrily get their eggs back before the pigs can make an omelet. Shakespeare this ain’t. THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE is the animated cartoon based on the “most downloaded freemium game series of all time,” Angry … Read More

RIO 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Flocking dork and deceitful bitch road trip. Jesse Eisenberg has two speeds: superdork nebbish and fast-taking schemer. In RIO 2, he’s phoning it in as the former. Eisenberg returns as rare macaw parrot Blu, who is now married to his parrot love interest from RIO, Jewel (voice of Anne Hathaway), so there is a noticeable lack of the romantic frisson … Read More

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Stop Dragon my Bewilderbeast around. In HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2, Jay Baruchel returns as Hiccup the Viking with his small black dragon. And his pet named Toothless. In this sequel to 2010’s HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON, Hiccup faces off with an enemy attacking his village with a horde of dragons, and proves how wrong it is to … Read More

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON

Poffy The Cucumber

Spanking the Dragon. Should I assume HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON is a sex manual on controlling premature ejaculation? Oh, a cartoon about a Viking boy that learns understanding and tolerance after befriending a dragon. (Still, that blond chick’s pretty hot for a cartoon; ‘scuse me while I train my dragon…) TRAIN YOUR DRAGON is Dreamworks, but like the greatest … Read More

HOME

Poffy The Cucumber

When the aliens do the deporting… A misfit extraterrestrial alien teams with a human youth to repel a hostile alien race from Earth — OR — Confused screenwriters Tom J. Astle and Matt Ember write a parable about aliens and humans working together to repel an alien invasion – even though the alien working with the human has just invaded … Read More

MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN

Poffy The Cucumber

A Dogsbody and his Peaboy. Thrilling adventures, comical characters and excellent animation, coupled with careless mixed messages, makes MR. PEABODY & SHERMAN a bittersweet doggie biscuit. Mr. Peabody (voiced by Ty Burrell, THE SKELETON TWINS) is a Harvard graduate, an inventor, gourmand, athlete, virtuoso musician, licensed chiropractor, fencer, a Nobel Prize winner, a socialite, and advisor to heads of state … Read More

THE NUT JOB

Poffy The Cucumber

Nutless. A group of woodland creatures tries to infiltrate a nut shop and heist its nuts for the winter after their supply in the park is accidentally blown up. Uncute, unlovable animal characters populate THE NUT JOB, an animated feature that aims for excitement, romance and danger and never pulls off any of it as successfully as the uncute unlovable … Read More

THE CROODS

Poffy The Cucumber

Crood. Rhymes with Good. Nicolas Cage is a caveman with a lowbrow attitude toward life and forward momentum, and in the animated comedy THE CROODS, Nicolas Cage is a caveman with a lowbrow attitude toward life and forward momentum. He’s Grug, pater to a prehistoric family, who is faced with the decision to adapt or die. It’s the process of … Read More

THE LEGO MOVIE

Poffy The Cucumber

Will knock your block off! THE LEGO MOVIE is a maximus overload of cinematic revelry; a riotous brick house of bedazzlement. Action, spectacle, romance, cultural refs, fueled by goodness and badness and cuteness. And millions and millions of Lego bricks. Emmett Brickowski (voice of Chris Pratt) is a little Lego man, with perfect Lego hair, living in a perfect Lego … Read More

MARY POPPINS

Poffy The Cucumber

Super-Wanky-Capitalistic-Excreta-and-Atrocious! An antique anachronism like MARY POPPINS should best be viewed through the eyes of Innocence. So for the benefit of young children everywhere, this movie will be reviewed not only by Poffy, but also by Poffy’s dolly, Pliffy. MARY POPPINS is wonderful adventure for kids like me, because I don’t think. It is colorful and magical and British. I … Read More

BRAVE

Poffy The Cucumber

That hair! That hair! That hair!… What story? So this is what Rebekah Brooks did before she was personal assistant to media magnate and zombie apocalypser Rupert Murdoch. In the Pixar production BRAVE, Rebekah’s avatar Princess Merida is graced with ravenous lava locks so visually titillating it distracts viewers into lauding the movie as a modern classic. You lost me … Read More