JOBS

Poffy The Cucumber

Dude, Where’s My Computer? An uninspiring movie about an inspiring innovator, JOBS is a schmaltzy biopic of Apple Computer’s pioneering founder and edge-of-science-fiction visionary, Steven Paul Jobs (1955-2011). JOBS (written by Matt Whiteley and directed by Joshua Michael Stern) turns the life of this driven inventor madman thinking machine into a soppy three-act melodrama that hits all the requisite Hollywood … Read More

KILLERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Same story, different models. KILLERS was infinitely more exciting when it was called TRUE LIES. And it was funnier when it was called MR AND MRS SMITH. And didn’t someone just make this movie and call it KNIGHT AND DAY? The old gag about the woman not knowing her husband/ lover/ taut-abbed stranger is a spy. Ashton Kutcher is spy … Read More

DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR?

Poffy The Cucumber

Driving Mister Moron. DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR? is to Ashton Kutcher what BILL AND TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE is to Keanu Reeves – an inauspicious, downright idiotic introduction to the filmic world before taking over said world. (Kutcher’s character name is even phonetically like Theodore Logan Esquire – Jesse Montgomery III.) Numbnut Jesse (Kutcher) wakes after a drunken night with his … Read More

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS

Poffy The Cucumber

Dude, Where’s My Car(eer)? In DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR?, Ashton Kutcher wakes after a drunken party, doesn’t remember what he did, and spends the movie trying to rectify the previous night’s mistakes. In WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, Ashton Kutcher wakes after a drunken party, doesn’t remember what he did, and tries to rectify the previous night’s mistakes. It’s nice to … Read More

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

Poffy The Cucumber

The Teen Model Effect. As far as I can gather from THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT’s totally illogical storyline, a teen model time travels backwards to rectify sins of the past so that in the “present” he can hook up with another teen model. Noble? No. Hot? Definitely. The Teen Model Effect: When a teen model flaps his arms in China, it … Read More

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2003

Poffy The Cucumber

Children Of The Damned. When Ashton Kutcher is the funniest thing in your movie, it’s time to re-assess everything you hold dear. CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN is an unworthy, implausible remake of a 1950 film of the same name, with parents Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt unconvincingly helming a hornet’s nest of selfish, ill-mannered, impertinent teen and sub-teen models in … Read More