SULLY

Poffy The Cucumber

Glide to Glory. No one warned us. No one said you are going to lose both engines at a lower altitude than any jet in history… This was dual engine loss at twenty-eight-hundred feet, followed by immediate water landing with 155 souls onboard. No one has ever trained for an incident like that. No one. — Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger. … Read More

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SOUTHSIDE WITH YOU

Poffy The Cucumber

Obama batting Smoove. Barack Obama gets to first base! SOUTHSIDE WITH YOU details the birth of Barack Hussein Obama in Kenya, and how his Nazi mother and Black Panther father conspired with the hospital into forging an American birth certificate, so that their son could infiltrate the presidency and destroy the United States with his muslim sharia ways…  Okay, now … Read More

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FRUITVALE STATION

Poffy The Cucumber

An Underprivileged Life Against Cowards With Guns. Unarmed black man shot fatally in the back by cop. It’s not just a movie. It’s reality. Over and over again. This injustice has become so common in United States culture that there is an undeclared war between African-American men (who continue to be black) and cops (who continue to be cowards). FRUITVALE … Read More

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EVEREST 2015

Poffy The Cucumber

Tragedy at the top of the world. Climbing Mount Everest was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life. I wish I’d never gone. I suffered for years of PTSD, and still suffer from what happened. I’m glad I wrote a book about it. But, you know, if I could go back and relive my life, I would never … Read More

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THE REVENANT

Poffy The Cucumber

Revenge served cooooold… Think of the coldest pain you’ve ever felt. The most painful cold, biting into your delicate earlobes, torturing your dead toes, eating into your fingers; no feeling, no hope, no vestige of pumping blood. Now multiply it by Leonardo DiCaprio in a bear rug. In the stark survivalist thriller THE REVENANT, Leo is tracker Hugh Glass, a … Read More

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UNBROKEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Well, maybe just a little Broken… Angelina Jolie directs UNBROKEN, the tale of an average Olympic runner/American soldier, Louis Zamperini (1917-2014), who survives insurmountable odds to make it through World War II alive. Whereupon he resumes his average life. Right outa the gate, Jolie’s direction is marvelous! It’s dynamic and detailed, and she’s doing her mentors proud with this, her … Read More

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SPOTLIGHT

Poffy The Cucumber

Pederast Priests and The Coverup That Rocked a Religion. What other business could you be in where your company gets caught running a child sex ring since forever, and you still keep your customers? — Bill Maher, REEL TIME, March 2013. If only the movie SPOTLIGHT was called BUSTING RAPIST PRIESTS, maybe it would be better served by its title. … Read More

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SOAKED IN BLEACH

Poffy The Cucumber

Soaked in memoria. Was Kurt Cobain as depressed a clod as he made himself out to be? SOAKED IN BLEACH, a documentary investigating the apparent suicide of Nirvana’s driving force and the haphazard way the authorities handled the case, tells us he was not. In fact, compelling evidence from a private investigator points to Cobain’s death being a meticulously planned … Read More

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SCHINDLER’S LIST

Poffy The Cucumber

The Ones That Got Away (alternate title in Germany?) He was German, a Nazi, a profiteer of slave labor, a philanderer, an adulterer, a confidence man and a traitor to his country. He was Oskar Schindler, who saved over 1,100 Jews from concentration camps in World War II. Reminds me of that joke “…but screw just one sheep…” in reverse. … Read More

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BLACK MASS

Poffy The Cucumber

In the Name of da Fahder, da Son, and da Hollywood Spirit… The thing is… you’ve got the wrong Bad Guy. BLACK MASS is supposedly a tale about “the most violent criminal South Boston has ever known.” But when all the slogans say this, they’re looking at James “Whitey” Bulger. Even whilst adding that Bulger worked hand-in-glove with the corrupt … Read More

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ROSEWATER

Poffy The Cucumber

And I Ran, Iran so far a-way. And Iran, I could-n’t get a-way… Boy, Iran sure can learn a thing or two about torture from America! Jon Stewart (THE DAILY SHOW) directs ROSEWATER, a stark recounting of the kidnapping, torture and release of Iranian-Canadian journalist Maziar Bahari in 2009. There never needs to be any reason behind political kidnapping and … Read More

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12 YEARS A SLAVE

Poffy The Cucumber

Twelve Thousand Years A Slave… and Counting… 12 YEARS A SLAVE is a great movie on its surface, is a horrible story when viewed in context of American history and is unspeakably terrifying when placed against the larger sociological canvas. I’ll explain all this in a moment if you’ll just stop fussing about the n-word… on the surface 12 YEARS … Read More

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JFK

Poffy The Cucumber

Conspiracy Clearly. To sin by silence when we should protest, makes cowards out of men. –Ella Wheeler Wilcox. When it comes to 9-11, or John F. Kennedy, or Jesus Christ, no one cares what you think. They know what they know. And no one’s gonna tell ’em otherwise. Oliver Stone doesn’t care what you think. He directs JFK with the … Read More

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AMERICAN HUSTLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Scum. Guess what? Politicians are corrupt. And confidence men act as liaison between politicians and mobsters to secure illegal funds for the politicians. And the FBI cannot curb any of this corruption because they’re fist-in-glove with the politicians and mobsters. This is American politics. Hell, this is world politics. So are the … Read More

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NINE HOURS TO RAMA

Poffy The Cucumber

The Dark Side of the Horst. I see a red door and I want it painted black. –The Rolling Stones, “Paint It Black” No, it’s not a movie about Arthur C. Clarke’s enigmatic alien space station, Rendezvous With Rama, but about the assassination of Mohandas K. Gandhi (aka Mahatma Gandhi) on January 30, 1948, and his alleged last utterance upon … Read More

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THE CHALLENGER DISASTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Hubris Greed Politics vs. Genius. For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. — Richard Feynman, “Report to Congress on Challenger Investigation 1986.” Indepth chronicle of Dr. Richard Feynman’s investigation into the Space Shuttle Challenger’s 1986 explosion. When I first heard about the TV movie, THE CHALLENGER DISASTER, I shrugged it off, … Read More

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GAME CHANGE

Poffy The Cucumber

The Rise and Fall of Stupid. The news is no longer meant to be important. It’s just entertainment. — Steve Schmidt, McCain-Palin senior advisor. I don’t think much of Julianne Moore as an actress. And I despise Sarah Palin as a politician and human being. But Julianne Moore playing Sarah Palin? Priceless! In the HBO movie, GAME CHANGE, Moore gives … Read More

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LINCOLN

Poffy The Cucumber

When Republicans bore resemblance to the human species… A bunch of old, out-of-touch white guys babbling about slavery. The Republican Party hasn’t changed much. Well, back then, as the party of LINCOLN, they were trying to free the slaves; nowadays, they’re working to get them all back. My main question about this ambitious film is: With all the camera operators, … Read More

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MONEYBALL

Poffy The Cucumber

When Statistics Became Sexy. Brad Pitt ends MONEYBALL with, “How can you not be romantic about baseball?” which is ironic, because he just spent the whole movie deconstructing The Great American Pastime’s romanticism with “sabermetrics” (a clinical mathematical process that focuses purely on statistics to choose players), wheeling and dealing at the highest levels of the baseball industry with wrath-of-God … Read More

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THE LONGEST DAY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Longest Fey. A German soldier tells his commander “Some sort of rubber dummies have been dropped by parachute!” – and he wasn’t talking about the Americans. THE LONGEST DAY has the distinction of revealing many interesting World War II tactics even to jaded modern, post-RYAN audiences. Such as the British dropping 3-foot-high dummies as night decoys, made to shoot … Read More

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