GODZILLA MINUS ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla Minus Heft. GODZILLA MINUS ONE opens with Japanese kamikaze pilot Koichi (Ryunosuke Kamiki) landing his fighter aircraft at a repair station on Odo Island, reporting the plane as faulty. Godzilla aficionados go nuts. Odo is, of course, where Godzilla was first sighted in the very first GOJIRA (1954). It is 1945, the end of World War II, and the … Read More

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65

Poffy The Cucumber

Kylo Ren: Before The Dark Side. 65 million years ago, Kylo Ren crash-lands on Earth the day before the asteroid hits. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, exuding Keanu energy, leaves his home planet Somaris on an interstellar mission that would separate him from his ailing daughter (Chloe … Read More

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GALGAMETH

Poffy The Cucumber

Vanilla Godzilla. The North Korean movie PULGASARI, though it featured a giant monster, was a parable about a weapon of mass destruction turning on its creators. GALGAMETH, though a remake of PULGASARI, is a low-budget, straight-to-video, badly-acted and -scripted kiddie movie about a giant monster that restores its teen master to his rightful throne as King Douchebag. PULGASARI, for all … Read More

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AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Way of Resting On Laurels, Bro. James Cameron’s AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER, like its predecessor, AVATAR (2009), will leave you agape at the superbly realized world it envelops you in; will leave you stunned at the scintillating imagination running wild on the silver screen, and yet will have you scratching your head at the lazy screenwriting and banal … Read More

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PULGASARI

Poffy The Cucumber

GODZILLA meets BRAVEHEART in a battle to the Kim Jong-il. Downtrodden villagers in feudal Korea are aided by a giant magical beast called PULGASARI that feeds on iron, and, through its appetite for swords and spears and cannon, helps them overthrow the tyrant king. However, Pulgasari continues to consume iron, eating the villagers out of their farms and livelihoods, in … Read More

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LOST IN SPACE – SEASON 1-02: THE DERELICT

Poffy The Cucumber

Sinister Spaceships and Ferocious Furniture. The Space Family Robinson is pulled into a hulking derelict spaceship and attacked by lounge chairs. LOST IN SPACE Season 1 Episode 2 begins exactly where the last episode left off. Professor John Robinson (Guy Williams) is floating away from the Jupiter 2 after his tow-line has broken, as wife Maureen (June Lockhart) watches helplessly, … Read More

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JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION

Poffy The Cucumber

Insectovorus Plotarmordon. Dinosaurs are everywhere. Loosed on the world in 2018’s FALLEN KINGDOM, they’re now as ubiquitous as cats and dogs in JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION. The stars of JURASSIC WORLD, Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard, are teamed alongside JURASSIC PARK legacy players Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum, to take down Biosyn, the Big Bad Corp messing with … Read More

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TROLL 2022

Poffy The Cucumber

Norway’s Godzilla. There was the Norwegian thriller TROLL HUNTER in 2010, an enjoyable modern take on the ancient fairy tale legends. Now Norway blasts out TROLL, an even more grounded, more thrilling, more gargantuan meshing of ancient legend with modern warfare… So… Is Norway cornering the market on troll IP? During an excavation through a mountain in Dovre, Norway, a … Read More

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TROLL HUNTER 2010

Poffy The Cucumber

Trolling Norway. Students making a documentary  follow what they think is a bear poacher, only to discover he is a trolljegeren (a TROLL HUNTER), systematically ridding the Norwegian countryside of rogue trolls destroying property, while his governmental gaslighters continue the ruse to news stations that “bears” are responsible for all the havoc. Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud) as interviewer leads a … Read More

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LOST IN DINOSAUR WORLD

Poffy The Cucumber

The 65-million-year copyright infringement. LOST IN DINOSAUR WORLD – the movie from the man who sued JURASSIC PARK! Children’s author Geoffrey T. Williams published a series of four books from 1985 to 1988 under the Dinosaur World banner. When Michael Crichton published Jurassic Park in 1990, and Steven Spielberg subsequently made the 1993 movie based on that book, Williams saw … Read More

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GODZILLA VS. KONG

Poffy The Cucumber

Spectacular Effects vs. Brainless Script. If you came for the monster fights, you died and went to daikaiju heaven; but if you came for anything else – characterization, story, dramatic arcs – and you left disappointed, well I know how old you are – over 12. Sometimes I WISH I could disconnect my brain and enjoy polished turds like GODZILLA … Read More

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GODZILLA: TOKYO S.O.S.

Poffy The Cucumber

Sacrifice Our Rubber Souls. I cried for the moth. Then I cried for the human. Then I cried for the ROBOT! GODZILLA: TOKYO SOS is a heart-rending, dambusting actioner that turns our eyes into running rivers, as it revolves around one word: sacrifice! One year after GODZILLA AGAINST MECHAGODZILLA (2002), Godzilla is heading toward Tokyo again, as the military races … Read More

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GODZILLA, MOTHRA AND KING GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ALL-OUT ATTACK

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla’s Carnival of Souls. It’s what’s inside that counts. And inside Godzilla are the souls of thousands of wronged people, the Old Man telling us, “This animal contains the restless souls of countless people who perished during the battles of the Pacific conflict. It wants to attack us because the Japanese people want to forget the pain and agony they’ve … Read More

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GODZILLA VS. SPACE GODZILLA

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla’s own Clone War. Godzilla must battle his own Godzilla clone – from space! But honestly, Godzilla is just an afterthought in yet another movie that uses his name as marquee power to sell tickets. Hell, even his clone seems like an afterthought as he has no objective other than to build a fortress of crystals and stand in it … Read More

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GODZILLA 1998

Poffy The Cucumber

Milli Godzilli. Godzilla takes a bite out of The Big Apple. And Ferris Bueller is there to stop him. After Japan’s Toho Company killed off its greatest property in 1995’s GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH, TriStar Pictures sought to fill the vacuum with its own American Godzilla that would blow the Japanese version out of the water, by utilizing state-of-the-art CGI visual … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE IX – THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Poffy The Cucumber

Damage Control while Digging a Hole. The older we get, the farther away from STAR WARS we feel. Use the Force and go in young. And you’ll be fine. In the dark, a blue title card on black background: “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” Then – fanfare! Stirring our deep innocence memory banks. That John … Read More

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THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME

Poffy The Cucumber

Shark Fin Stupe. THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME is about the first sharknado, and how Fin the shark hunter travels back to prehistoric times to stop it, thereby negating all further sharknadoes and saving the planet from having to witness the bombastic mindlessness of any SHARKNADO movies. He fails. Because obviously this is the sixth SHARKNADO shit sandwich. And … Read More

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GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER

Poffy The Cucumber

Existential-zilla. Haunting and bombastic, touching and savage, mind-bending and monstrous, GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER completes Toho Animation’s daring computer-animated trilogy reimagining Godzilla as destroyer, defiler and deity. As well as the rambunctious production design, evocative cartooning and chilling action sequences, PLANET EATER is a whirlwind of moral conundrums, ulterior agendas and existential magniloquence, as the twisted Cult of Ghidorah calls … Read More

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GODZILLA: CITY ON THE EDGE OF BATTLE

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla the McGuffin. Never in the history of Godzilla films (excepting the 1954 original) have humans had such an integral and compelling role in a Godzilla film, as they do in GODZILLA: CITY ON THE EDGE OF BATTLE. For the second time in Earth history, we’re watching a Godzilla film for the fates of the people! CITY picks up exactly … Read More

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GODZILLA: MONSTER PLANET

Poffy The Cucumber

Godzilla Vs. Hipster-saurus. Rejoice, Godzilla fans! There are no less than THREE Godzilla timelines currently roaring through Earth’s spacetime biosphere. There is the Legendary Pictures reboot timeline, starting with GODZILLA (2014), Toho Company’s chilling redesign reboot, SHIN GODZILLA (2016), and now Toho Company’s animated trilogy, kicked off with this stunning entry, GODZILLA: MONSTER PLANET (2017). MONSTER PLANET is a Godzilla … Read More

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