ROCKETMAN 2019

Poffy The Cucumber

Tripping the Bitch Fantastic! It’s that floating thing. At the Troubadour. That’s what sells ROCKETMAN, a “musical fantasy” of Elton John’s rise to stardom. That metaphorical moment when time stops, and artist and crowd levitate in slow motion simpatico. It’s happened to me. And if you are a performer, it’s happened to you, once, twice, maybe three times in your … Read More

JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

Poffy The Cucumber

Fallen Franchise. Why do we watch “dinosaur movies”? Well, for the DINOSAURS, of course! In that respect, JURASSIC PARK: FALLEN KINGDOM is at the top of the heap, with the best dinosaurs that 2018 CGI technology can render, hands down. With every roar, every stomp, every quivering of their neck wattles, we don’t doubt these prehistoric animals are more real … Read More

JURASSIC WORLD

Poffy The Cucumber

Indominus Wrecks. Raptor wrangler Owen says it perfectly, when Jurassic World supervisor Claire tells him they’ve created a new dinosaur artificially, “Corporate felt genetic modification would up the wow factor.” Owen replies, “They’re dinosaurs – wow enough.” In trying to flex their rex, JURASSIC WORLD jumps the shark. Owen’s summation is the perfect metaphor for this movie. The original Crichton-penned/Spielberg-directed … Read More

THE VILLAGE

Poffy The Cucumber

Mythed it by that much. Somewhere between expectancy and deliverance – lies M. Night Shyamalan‘s THE VILLAGE. The people of an Amish-styled village share an uneasy truce with the mysterious beasts that haunt the surrounding woods – until a blind girl courageously braves the woods on a mission of mercy. The people of Covington lead an idyllic Old World existence, … Read More

TWILIGHT ECLIPSE

Poffy The Cucumber

The Tween Team. So it has come to this. After the vampire wars and the werewolf killings, after the tempest of accepting a human unto the clan of the undead, after the dark skies of Forks presage death raining  rivers of blood, TWILIGHT ECLIPSE has come to this, the most chilling decision mankind has ever faced: Team Edward or Team Jacob. Edward … Read More

TERMINATOR SALVATION

Poffy The Cucumber

The Manchurian Candidator. For fuck’s sake, man, you’re amateur! — Christian Bale on the set of TERMINATOR SALVATION. That’s the best description *I* can think of for TERMINATOR SALVATION. What more could we expect from writers who penned the silly TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES and a director whose claim to fame is the CHARLIE’S ANGELS franchise? James Cameron … Read More

SPIDER-MAN 3

Poffy The Cucumber

Really Swingin’. What an adventure! SPIDER-MAN 3 is a swingin’ soiree; a chill-er thriller ladykiller that tops both its previous incarnations with smooth-headed, web-spangling adventure and vibrant, flesh-colored emotion. Heroes tainted by evil, villains infused with poignancy, lovers circling in triangles and Topher Grace as the meanest metrosexual this side of AMERICAN IDOL. Writer-director Sam Raimi bats it out of … Read More

LADY IN THE WATER

Poffy The Cucumber

Part real. Part fable. All Night. In his book, On Directing Film, David Mamet says of movies, “it’s all make-believe. The question is, how good is the make-believe going to be?” M. Night Shyamalan‘s LADY IN THE WATER is truly what it sells itself as – a bedtime story; make-believe of the highest order, taken with a generous pinch of … Read More