The Patriot that became a Senior Citizen. ROCKY V is the ALIEN 3 of Rocky Movies. Back to basics. It’s about Heart. And it’s about Family. Rocky’s enduring heart. And his struggles to understand his family outside the boxing arena. Facing potential brain damage from his last fight with Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren), Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) begrudgingly retires. Piling … Read More
ROCKY III
The Pussy that became a Gangbanger. I pity the fool that takes ROCKY III seriously. ROCKY III is the STAR TREK IV of Rocky Movies. The most glitz and glam-blammo, with a story so basic your dog could have written it; the most color and muscles and shouting – and definitely the most fun! Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) must defend … Read More
ROCKY II
The Stallion that became a Pussy. The giant title floats across screen – ROCKY II –and we are assaulted with the visual of two men beating each other to death. Blood, eyes swollen shut, back-sweat and bruising, bone pounded, ears cauliflowered, cutting an eye open, nose broken – what kind of christian crucifixion torture-porn am I looking at? Oh, it’s … Read More
ROCKY
The Underdog that became a Stallion. That epic fanfare, a giant name floats across screen – ROCKY. Movie opens in elation, as we fly with Bill Conti’s soon-to-be-immortal theme, Gonna Fly Now, and then suddenly comes crashing to Earth– — a small-time boxing match, a pudgy, young and decidedly graceless boxer belts it out with a bigger truck of a … Read More
SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE
Idiot Clause. I feel most embarrassed for Dudley Moore. What a talent! Wasted in SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE; not just wasted, but defiled, besmirched, and shat upon! SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE is a nauseating mess of brainless plotlines and platitudes. The trailers allude to the villain: “Now someone wants to take the magic out of Christmas!” Don’t look now, movie, … Read More
CLASH OF THE TITANS
Titan-ic Kraka-lacken. Greek mythology explodes in Harryhausen splendor! CLASH OF THE TITANS is written by Beverly Cross, directed by Desmond Davis, and stars Laurence Olivier as Zeus the king of the gods, but the man whose footprint makes this adventure fantasy memorable is the king of Dynamation – Ray Harryhausen! Blank-faced Harry Hamlin stars as Perseus, son of Zeus, half … Read More
BATMAN: THE MOVIE
Holy jumble! Where’s the hope of the world now?! The Bat. The Robin. The Cheese. BATMAN: THE MOVIE, the big screen fintuzula of the mid-60s fruitopia TV series (released in June 1966, between the first and second seasons of the TV show). The dark avenger of the night, The Batman, played by the greatest actor of his generation, Adam West. … Read More